


still yours (l.s)

by mrs_horan_8624



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Assault, Attempted Sexual Assault, Bottom Louis, Boyfriends, Conspiracy, Dark Harry, Dark Louis Tomlinson, Drug Use, Hate Sex, Homosexuality, Jealousy, M/M, One Direction Hiatus, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Physical Abuse, Rough Sex, Smut, Top Harry, dont say i didnt warn you, idek, pls read the tags, rly angsty sorry, toxic af
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 48,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24936022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_horan_8624/pseuds/mrs_horan_8624
Summary: The wait is finally over. The world's favorite boy band is getting back together. But will a certain pair in the group be able to forget their haunting memories together?Because underneath One Direction's seemingly innocent past together, a greater conspiracy lurks.(Also on wattpad as mozarellachicken6)
Relationships: Eleanor Calder/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 357
Kudos: 342
Collections: Larry Fanfics (One Direction)





	1. part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !warnings/disclaimer below!  
> Warnings: This story contains strong language, sexual content, drugs and alcohol, abuse, and assault. If any of these are triggering/ make you uncomfortable, please read with extra caution!
> 
> Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Although it has real people, it is completely made up and it should not be considered real/related to real events. I mean no disrespect towards any people in this story. 
> 
> Please be respectful to Louis and Harry! Treat people with kindness <3
> 
> I will be updating very quickly and a lot, so don't worry about the number of chapters! Please let me know if there is anything you would like me to include in the next parts in the comments!
> 
> Hope you love reading as much I loved writing :)

Note: This story takes place in May 2020. c0vid 19 never happened. 

The first chapter is a bit long, I apologize! 

Bear giggled and ran to the door, pounding it hard. "Park today!" he yelled excitedly. 

Liam laughed and picked him up. "We went to the park an hour ago, Bear," he said, and plopped down on the couch, putting his son in his lap. 

Cheryl Cole walked inside the cluttered living room, eyeing Liam and her son affectionately. She sat down next to Liam and kissed Bear on the cheek, who was now pouting and muttering angrily. 

"So," she said, directing her attention to Liam, "Have you given it any more thought?"

"Given what any more thought?" Liam said, grabbing the remote off the coffee table. 

"Stop it, Liam," she reprimanded. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Liam put the remote down and sighed. "I don't know what you want me to say, Cheryl. It's just too big of a decision for me to make right now. Not to mention how fucking unexpected it was,"

Cheryl covered Bear's ears. "We have a three year old in the vicinity," She uncovered her son's ears and sighed too. "Listen, it was unexpected but you can't just avoid it. And I know how happy you were in that band. I agree that it was harsh on you at times, but are you really trying to tell me you're happier as a solo artist?"

"Having a solo career was a new experience," Liam argued, fidgeting with Bear's sweater. "But I think it might be time to go back to what I'm used to,"

Cheryl smiled excitedly. How could she not? She was one of the judges who helped put them together. 

"Don't get too excited," Liam said quickly. "It's not a final decision yet. And besides, we don't know about the other members yet. Niall is a yes, obviously, but Zayn is very iffy. And don't even get me started on Louis and Harry..."

Cheryl sucked her breath in. Although she didn't know the whole story, she knew enough about what went down between those two. And how disastrous it was. 

Cheryl and Liam had managed to stay friends after their breakup and successfully co-parented their son, Bear. 

A week ago Niall and Simon had approached Liam with a sudden offer: get the band back together. One Direction, one of the world's most famous boybands, might be getting back together. The first person Liam thought about was his son, Bear, but Cheryl had said repeatedly that with her around, he would never have to worry about Bear. 

And he knew she was right. 

He also knew how much he missed being together, with the boys. He missed Niall and his stupid laugh, he missed Harry and he missed sassy Louis and most of all, he missed Zayn. He missed Zayn so much. 

"Liam," Cheryl said, gently tapping his shoulder. "Give Niall a call. I know you said your decision isn't final, but are you really going to pretend to be unsure for a week only to say yes to him in the end?" 

Liam smiled inwardly. She knew him so well. "I'll call him tomorrow, okay?" he said, shifting his attention to his son, who was know whining from the lack of attention. "Let's get this bear some lunch first,"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

A/n: Gigi is not pregnant in this storyline. Her relationship with Zayn is not as serious, either. 

Niall waited nervously in front of Zayn's house. His finger had been resting on the doorbell for a like five minutes now, and he still hadn't pressed it. 

He heard a thump from inside the house and pressed the button, startled. He cursed himself and considered hiding behind the bush, but the door swung open before he could do anything. 

A tall, pretty, blonde girl answered the door. She was wearing gloves covered in dirt and her hair was messy. Even though she hadn't really officially met Niall, she knew exactly who he was. "Uh, would you like to come in?" she said, a little awkwardly and Niall nodded and slowly stepped inside. 

He, along with Simon Cowell, had sent Zayn an email earlier this week. It was a very risky email, and Niall was sure Zayn wouldn't respond at all, so you can imagine his surprise when Zayn invited him over to talk. 

"Zayn!" the blonde girl, Gigi, yelled. "There's someone here to see you!" 

Niall heard a sliding glass door open and footsteps. And for the first time in a while, he saw what used to be one of his best friends walk into the room. "Niall," Zayn stated. "Hey,"

"Hi," Niall breathed out awkwardly. Zayn looked at Gigi and signaled for her to leave, so she kissed him on the cheek, took his dirty gloves and went back into the backyard, where Niall assumed they were gardening. 

"You should sit down," Zayn said, gesturing to the armchair next to Niall. Niall sat, and Zayn sat down in front of him, studying him closely. Niall chuckled awkwardly. 

"So, you got my email. Have you made a decision yet?" Niall said bluntly. 

It was brave of him to address the situation that straightforwardly. 

Zayn looked a little shaken, but he breathed out. "Yeah, listen, mate, I appreciate you reaching out and stuff, but I honestly don't think it would be a good idea. We're all on our different paths, now, mate. We're all happy here. We're making our own music, we're having a good time."

Niall sighed. "And when we were together, as a band, Zayn? 'Having a good time' is an understatement for the fun we had together. The music we make now is great, Zayn, but what about the music we used to make? The affect it had on people? What about our fans, Zayn? Our Directioners? Imagine how happy this would make them!" 

"It was too much for me Niall." Zayn argued, holding firm. 

"And you had a break, Zayn. For almost six years. You were so happy back then, Zayn, I know you were. You laughed every day, you smiled every day. All that bullshit you said in interviews about 'not having a relationship' with us and 'never really wanting to be with us' is completely false and you know that. The only person you're lying to is yourself. No one, not even the fans believed you,"

Zayn glared at Niall. "So what if I said some shit in interviews? I still left. And you know why I left."

"We all left, Zayn. We all left, a year after you did. And we can come back. I know we can." Niall fired back. "You need to start coming up with better excuses."

"I'm happy," Zayn said loudly. "I'm happy here,"

"Are you convincing me or yourself?" 

Zayn sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I invited you here out of courtesy, Niall, because we were best friends for five years and I was being polite. But I can't come back. Happier or not, I have free time now. I can garden with my girlfriend and not worry about a tour or a fan meet or writing a song or whatever we have on our ass next."

"Would you rather garden with you girlfriend or travel the world with your four best friends? With Liam?" Niall questioned. 

Zayn narrowed his eyes at Liam's name. "This has nothing to do with Liam."

"Maybe not, but that's not why I said it. Answer the question Zayn. What made you happier? Because if you want to keep gardening in your house with Gigi and spend the rest of the time convincing yourself that you're happy without us, fine. We were a band without you for a year, I'm sure we can manage. Now I'm going to leave. Politely. "

Niall stood up and headed towards the door, his words having the intended effect on Zayn. "Niall, wait," he said, and Niall smiled to himself. 

He turned around, pretending to be irritated. "What, Zayn?" 

"Let's say I was in. Let's say I agree to this. Have you talked to Louis and Harry?" 

Niall exhaled slowly. "It's going to be difficult, Zayn, but I convinced you, right?"

Zayn frowned. "Do you not remember what happened, Niall, or are you just a fucking idiot?"

"I remember what happened," Niall said frustrated. "But it's been five years. Five long ass years. And despite everything that happened between them, I know how much they loved being in the band. I know how much they loved One Direction, Zayn. And if there is anyone they love enough to put their differences aside for, it's the fans,"

Zayn sighed, hoping Niall was right. 

"I have to get going now, but I'll be in touch. I'll probably call you later this week, after I talk to them. This is going to happen, Zayn, it has to happen," Niall said. 

Zayn nodded, and opened the door for Niall. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess it does."

Niall walked outside and began heading towards his car, but turned around before Zayn could close the door.

"Zayn?" he called. 

"Yeah?" Zayn answered. 

"It's good to have you back, mate." 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Louis stared blankly at his assistant, unable to believe what she just said. "An email?" he said, slowly. 

She nodded. "Yes, sir. It was sent by-"

"I know who it was sent by, Morgan." he interrupted rudely. He wasn't normally like this, of course. But that email. 

That email fucked him up. 

"Would you like to read it again?" Morgan asked, tapping his computer. 

Louis wanted to scream. "Morgan, just leave," he said, irritated. Morgan stared at him for a second and then walked out of the room. She knew better than to stay around him when he was like this. 

Louis sat down on a chair by his desk and stared at the screen. This could not be happening. This will not be happening. Never. 

After the band had split at the end of 2015, Niall and Louis had kept a close relationship. He would visit Niall on his birthday and Niall would visit him on his. They were and still are, very good friends. 

That's why Louis couldn't believe Niall had suggested something like that. How could Niall even ask him? If anyone knew how much Louis had been through, it was Niall, and Niall had just asked him to join One Direction again? 

How could he?

No, how dare he?

Louis slammed his laptop shut angrily, trying to block all the memories flowing into his head. He thought this was all behind him. He thought he would never have to deal with this again. He thought he would never have to think about this. 

About him. 

Louis felt tears prick the back of his eyes but he blinked them away quickly. As the lump in his throat grew bigger, so did his anger towards Niall. 

His days of crying over Harry Styles were over. 

But his tears didn't listen to him, and streamed down his face anyway. He kept trying to wipe them away, knowing full well no one was watching. He was not crying. He wasn't. 

He leaned back in his chair, determined not to lose it. He took a few deep breaths, opened his laptop, and tried to respond to Niall as quickly as possible.

Dear Niall, how about FUCK NO. 

He deleted his draft and rubbed his eyes, still very much angry at Niall. Changing his mind, he slammed his laptop shut once again and grabbed his keys. 

He was going to go to Niall's house. And he would show Niall no mercy. 

He knocked on the door loudly. He knew there was a doorbell but he didn't care. He slammed his fist against the door repeatedly and began kicking it too. 

The door flew open and Louis punched the first person who came outside. 

"What the fuck?" an Irish accent yelled. 

"Oh my god, Greg, I though you were Niall," Louis said apologetically. 

"Oh, so much better, you wanted to attack my brother, not me," Greg said sarcastically. He rubbed his nose, hoping it hadn't started to bleed. 

Louis chucked awkwardly. "I just need to talk to him. Can I come in?"

Greg gave him a weird look, then stood aside to let him in. "Yeah, come in. I was going to go back to my place anyway," he said, and headed out towards his car. 

Louis watched him get in and slammed the door shut behind him. "Niall!" he yelled. He started walking around the house and found him sitting on the edge of the stairs, biting his nails anxiously. 

He stormed up to him and Niall backed away, crawling up the stairs. "I can explain, Louis, just listen-"

"LISTEN?!" Louis yelled. He smacked Niall's shoulder. "Listen?! Listen to what? Is this some twisted kind of fucking prank that you're pulling on me? And Simon? You're really trying to make me interact with Simon?"

"You were literally a judge with him on the X factor for like two years, Louis," Niall said, rubbing his arm. 

Louis narrowed his eyes, and Niall wished he hadn't opened his mouth. 

"This is different and you know it," Louis hissed. 

"Louis, I just had this conversation with Zayn," Niall said tiredly. 

Louis paused. "Zayn agreed?" he asked, awestruck. Niall nodded. 

"Yeah he did. So did Liam; I just got off the phone with him," Niall said.

Louis looked at him expectantly. "What about-" Louis couldn't bring himself to say the name. He squeezed his eyes shut as if that would stop the images of Harry from flooding into his mind. His laugh. His smile. 

His tears. 

I just wanted to protect you! 

He could hear Harry's voice yelling at his as if he was next to Louis, right now. 

"Harry?" Niall asked loudly. 

Louis jumped, startled. His name was like a stab to his heart. "Yeah," Louis almost whispered. 

Niall pursed his lips. "I've talked to him," he said slowly. 

"And?" 

Niall had sent Harry an email as well. Harry had just called him and laughed, saying he would only come if all four members were in. 

Harry had said that because he knew Louis would say no. 

The wheels in Niall's brain began turning. "Harry said yes," he found himself saying. 

All the air felt knocked out of Louis's lungs. He sat down next to Niall on the stairs. "He did?" Niall nodded. 

"He did." 

Louis leaned back, covering his face with his hands. His heart was pounding in his ears. If Niall, Liam, Zayn and Harry had agreed, he was the only one left. 

He was the only one standing in the way of One Direction's comeback. He was the only one letting down their fans. The fans who had loyally stood by them, hoping they would come back for five long years. How could he say no? How could he do this to them? After everything they had done for him?

Maybe it was possible to be in the band and not have to interact with Harry as much. Maybe they could write their songs separately, record separately, and only interact while filming music videos and doing interviews. 

"You okay, Louis?" Niall asked timidly. Louis sat back up and stared at him for a good minute. Niall shifted uncomfortably. "Look, I know after what happened between you and Harry, it's going to be hard. I know. But you guys were friends, once, remember? And it's been five years, m-"

"Okay," Louis breathed. "Okay, I'll do it,"


	2. part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part contains flashbacks. Again, this a work of fiction so everything I say that happened didn't really happen, so don't get on my ass for getting some of the story wrong, because this is MY story.

July 2010

_Harry's heart was pounding. He stood on the stage, his palms sweating, and watched as the contestants began getting selected, one by one._

_He wanted his name to be called so bad. He didn't want to go home. He wanted to keep going._

_He looked over and his eyes fell upon Louis._

_Louis was a boy he had met after the auditions. He was very sweet to Harry, and they were both very nervous, finding comfort in each other. He didn't know him very well, but he felt a connection with him._

_After Harry and Louis had given their first audition, Louis had came over to Harry._

_"That third judge, Louis, was stupid," Louis said, a small smile on his face. "You deserved three yeses. Not all Louis' are that dumb,"_

_Harry smiled, a little confused. "What?"_

_"Sorry, that was a bad joke. I'm Louis," Louis said, extending his hand. Harry smiled and took it, his anxiety a little better after hearing his friendly words._

_"Harry," Harry said. "Thanks, by the way. I'm just happy I made it in,"_

_"Promise me that if you're ever famous, I get to open for you on your tours," Louis said._

_Harry laughed. "Shut up. I'll be opening for you,"_

_"What if you won first place and I won second place? We could go on tour together," Louis suggested, a big grin on his face._

_"You'd be the one winning first place," Harry chuckled._

_And just like that, a small friendship had formed. They both knew they would be competing with each other if they advanced, but it was nice to have a friendly face in a crowd of competitors._

_It had been a while since then. Louis and Harry, along with numerous other contestants, were waiting to get their names called. None of them wanted to go home. And both of them, secretly, wanted to see each other again. They felt it wasn't over._

_Harry's heart hammered as more and more people were called. He kept praying to hear his name, or at least Louis's, but it never came. Finally one of the judges said, "That's it guys. I'm sorry,"_

_Harry's heart felt like it dropped into his stomach. He was walked off the stage, and tears began filling into his green eyes. He shoved his face in his hands. He wanted this. He wanted this, so bad, and it felt like everything was snatched away from him._

_Through his blur of tears, he bumped into Louis, whose eyes were also glistening._

_"Hey, Harry," he said, smiling sadly, and Harry fell into his arms, crying. Louis wrapped his arms around him, letting Harry cry into his shoulder. Harry had just began to pull away when he heard his name being announced._

_"Liam, Louis, Harry, Niall and Zayn, please come back to the stage," Simon Cowell called._

_Louis and Harry looked at each other in confusion. Harry wiped his tears quickly, and began walking towards the stage. He saw a short, adorable Irish boy do the same, wiping his tears quickly with his shirt. The three of them were joined by a raven-haired taller boy and another boy with brown hair._

_They were all very confused as they appeared on stage._

_"Listen, boys, it is very special and rare to be given another opportunity," Simon began, and Harry's heart started to pound again. "That's why I want you boys to make the most of it,"_

_The Irish boy sucked his breath in, waiting for Simon to get to the point._

_"We have decided to put you five in a group and let you advance into the competition,"_

_Harry would like to think that was the happiest moment of his life. His spirits soared, and without thinking he ran towards Louis. Louis jumped into his arms, and Harry lifted him off the stage, his arms tightly wrapped around him._

_Louis leaned into him, their foreheads touching. "Together," he whispered to him. "We'll go on tour together. We'll rule the world together,"_

__

Harry snapped out of his daze. It was early morning and he was sitting on his porch with a notebook, hoping he could get some songwriting done. 

He looked down, the tip of pencil broken and old memories came running back to him. He sighed and put his forehead on the table. 

Harry was very good at concealing his emotions, so when he got an email from Niall, he had called Niall and laughed, saying he would join only if Louis agreed. In reality, that email had shaken him, and he was so angry at himself that he couldn't stop thinking about it. 

It had taken him five years to finally wake up every day and not think about Louis. Five years. And when he had received that email all the old feelings came flooding back and now he was sitting on his porch, remembering one of the first moments he had with Louis, ten years ago. 

Ten fucking years ago. 

If anyone was more affected by what happened than Harry, it was Louis. And that's why Harry knew Louis would never agree. 

One Direction wasn't going to get back together. He could go back to his normal life, writing songs and going on his own tours. Not thinking about Louis anymore. 

And just then, the memory of Louis' smile, Louis' lips on his own...

Harry slammed the table, cussing Niall out. "Fuck, Niall," he muttered. Niall always had the worst ideas at the worst times. Everyone was doing fine. Fuck, even Niall was doing fine. He was releasing very good music, Harry had listened to it. 

When and why did this idea get into Niall's head?

Harry's phone rang and he jumped once more. He looked at the caller id. 

"Speak of the devil," he muttered and picked it up after letting it ring a few times. "Yes, Niall?" he said, the irritation clear in his voice. 

"He agreed," Niall said, without hesitating. "He agreed, Harry, and now it's time for you get your ass down here next week because the new contracts are getting printed as we speak," 

Harry's head spun. "W-what?" he stuttered. "What the fuck?" 

"Louis agreed," Niall said again, impatiently. Harry inhaled sharply. "And why the fuck would he do that?"

Niall paused uncomfortably. "He just did. He said it was for the fans," he said quickly. 

"And Zayn? Liam?" Harry said, his voice shrill. This could not be happening. 

"They both agreed, Harry. Everyone's in."

Harry cursed inwardly. How did this happen? How is this happening? He thought everyone was doing fine, he thought everyone was happy as a solo artist. How the fuck is he the only one who doesn't want this reunion?

"Before you even start making excuses, Harry, I know that the main thing stopping you is Louis. You loved being in the band. You loved every part of it. I swear if you give me any shit about 'loving your solo career' I'm going to hang up and drag you hear next week to sign the contracts," 

"God, Niall..."

"It's perfect, Harry. Everyone wants it. And it'll be right in time for our tenth anniversary. Besides, you and Louis won't have to interact that much, Harry, I've talked it over with Louis. We'll be living separately, and the only times you will have to talk to him is during filming and interviews," Niall said desperately. 

"And what about tours? Will I just ignore him while we're on stage and on the road, together 24/7?" 

"It's been five years since it happened, Harry," Niall said quietly. 

"Five years doesn't seem like a lot considering I wanted to spend a lifetime with him," Harry said, even more quietly. 

Five years wasn't enough for the trauma. The trauma of what happened. 

"I know it hurt Harry. It hurt me as well. It hurt Liam, and the two of us weren't even directly involved. But think about the fans, Harry. And five years may not seem like a lot, but the wounds are less deeper, Harry," Niall spoke softly. 

"What if they get reopened, Niall?"

Niall sighed. "I would never force you. Never. I'm just saying, we're all in. It's been a long time since that happened. We have the power to make our fans very, very happy. There are people that believe in us," 

Harry balled up his hands into fists. He was over Louis. Niall was right, it had been too long, and Louis meant nothing to him anymore. 

"You're right," Harry whispered. "You're right," he said, a little louder. 

"So is that a yes?" Niall spoke, and Harry could hear the excitement in his voice. 

"Why are you doing this Niall?" Harry asked. 

"For the fans," Niall replied, without hesitation. 

"Then I'm in," Harry said timidly. 

"For the fans?" 

"For the fans."

Harry picked up his notebook and went inside, closing the door behind him. He took his shirt and trousers off, getting ready for a shower. Before he went to the bathroom, he stopped in front of his full-length mirror. 

Harry looked at his body. His hair, that Louis had played with so many times. His lips, which Louis had kissed so many times. 

His torso covered in tattoos that were souvenirs of their love. His strong arms that had comforted Louis, that had lifted him up, that had wrapped around him at light. His fingers that had traced over Louis' body. His entire body used to belong to Louis, only Louis. 

What happened? 

Harry shook his head, anger taking over his sadness, his eyes tearing away from the mirror. He walked into his bathroom and turned the shower on. 

Never again would he let Louis have that control over him. Never again would his precious body be Louis' to hold. Louis Tomlinson meant nothing to Harry. And he never will. Harry's memories of Louis were tainted, and there was absolutely nothing Louis could do to make Harry stop hating him. 

If this reunion was going to work, it would be by Harry's rules. If Louis Tomlinson even tried to tell Harry what to do, Harry would leave without any questions. 

And he would never let Louis into his heart again. Not even as a friend. 

Not after what happened. 

Not after everything it took for Harry to finally stop loving him.


	3. part 3

Louis' stomach bubbled. 

Forget butterflies, there were fucking parrots in there. 

He didn't think he would ever see Harry again. He didn't want to ever see Harry again. What happened between him and Harry left him so scarred that it took five years to dull the pain. 

Dull it, but not make it go away completely. It could never, ever go away completely. He swore to himself that he would not interact with him more than he has to. He would not talk to him about anything personal, and their relationship would be purely professional. Everything was off the table, even friendship. 

He knew that it would make the atmosphere extremely tense, but he didn't care. 

He could barely say Harry's name, let alone look him in the eye, without wanting to scream. 

How could you do this to me?! I was trying to protect you, I was trying to help you, and now ? 

You've destroyed me.

Harry's words rang in his ears once more. 

Louis was at his house, and it was very early morning. A week had gone by since he had been at Niall's house. Louis hadn't talked to rest of the members yet. 

This afternoon he was supposed to go down to their old studio to sign the brand-new contracts. Unable to sleep the entire night, he woke up at 4 am and went to the enormous backyard, and he had been sitting there since. 

"Babe? You okay?" 

Louis turned around abruptly and saw his girlfriend step out of the house, wearing Louis' sweater. She had a concerned look on her face and looked incredibly sleepy.

"I'm fine, Eleanor," Louis answered curtly, and turned back around. "Go back to sleep, love."

He felt her hands wrap around him giving him a back hug. Louis sighed inwardly. Eleanor was the last person he wanted to talk to right now. 

"You're thinking about Harry, aren't you?" she said quietly. His name once again made tears prick his eyes but he blinked them away quickly. 

"I still think this is a very bad idea," Eleanor said. "Do you remember how much he hurt you, Louis? Do you remember what happened? He was never good for you anyway. Remember? He was so manipulative and greedy. And he tried to keep you away from me," she said, as if that was the worst thing Harry could have done. 

Louis bit the inside of his cheek, trying not to say anything. 

Louis, Harry, and Eleanor had a long and painful history together. He lightly shrugged her off, and turned around to face her. "We're doing it for the fans, Eleanor. I know what happened between Harry and I, and I'm going to try to limit any contact with him."

"He tried to manipulate you into thinking you were gay, Louis," Eleanor said firmly. 

Louis felt a stab of annoyance. Regardless of what happened between them, Louis was in love with Harry once. Harry wasn't manipulating him. 

He had let Eleanor think he was never actually into Harry at all, even though, although he hated to admit it, the feelings he had for Harry were much stronger than any feelings he ever had for Eleanor. 

But Eleanor was better for him. She was what he needed. He was certain of it. 

"Look, I know what went down, Eleanor," he said. He felt unnecessarily annoyed, because he was feeling a slight urge to defend Harry. 

Harry. After everything that happened, after everything Harry did to him. Disgusted with himself, he shook his head. Eleanor took his face in her hands. 

"Look at me," she said. He did, reluctantly. "It's your choice. But if I notice that Harry tries to start talking to you again, you will leave. No discussions. I will never let him hurt you again. You almost died the last time he did," she whispered. 

Louis closed his eyes and tears spilled out of them. This entire conversation he was trying to avoid her saying that. But she had said it anyway. "I know," he whispered firmly. "I won't let him in. I won't." 

"Good," Eleanor nodded, satisfied. "Now come back to bed," she said, winking at him and strutted inside, leaving him in the backyard to follow her. He wiped his tears away and followed her inside, because that was the only thing he could do. 

*******************************

Niall fidgeted nervously. He was the first one in the studio, along with Simon and the rest of management. There were some new additions to the management team in an effort to avoid history repeating itself. 

Niall shook his head, trying not to think about what happened the last time the band was together. This was a new start, a new beginning. Things would be better this time. He heard a car pulling up into the parking lot and heard the front door open. 

He turned around and cracked a huge smile. "Liam!" he yelled, and ran towards him. Liam smiled and wrapped his arms around Niall, ruffling his hair. 

"Jesus, Nialler," he chucked. "I've missed you like crazy," 

Niall pulled away. "How is everything? How's Bear?" 

Liam smiled. "Bear's great," he said. "He turned three years old this year,"

"Man, I still can't believe you had him with Cheryl." Niall said, and Liam laughed. "Not only was she one of the judges, but she said no to me! To me! And you went and had a kid with her!" 

"She was hot, Nialler," Liam said plainly. "What can I say?" 

Niall was about to smack him playfully when the door opened again. Liam's smiled faded and he stared deeply at the person who just came in. 

"Hey, Zayn," Niall said, and walked over to Zayn to hug him too. Zayn's eyes didn't leave Liam the entire time. 

He pulled away from Niall and walked up to Liam. "Liam," he said plainly, and stuck his hand out for a handshake. It had been so long since Liam had heard his name come out of Zayn's mouth. Liam clenched his jaw and shook Zayn's hand. 

He wanted to say so many things. I missed you. Why did you stop calling? Where were you when I needed you? 

Instead he swallowed the lump in his throat and said, "Hey Zayn. Good to see you, man," Zayn cracked him a small smile, which Liam returned. 

The door flew open once more, and everyone jumped. Standing at the door was none other than Harry Styles. He pushed his hair back and walked inside somberly, slamming the door shut behind him. No one said a word. 

"Hi, Harry," Niall said bravely. 

Harry nodded in his direction. "Hey." 

He nodded towards Zayn and Liam as well, and then shrugged his bag off his shoulder and went to sit down on one of the chairs. Simon entered the room from the back, smiling slightly. "So almost everyone is here, I guess we're just waiting for Louis then?" 

Everyone flinched at Louis' name, but Harry pretended he didn't hear anything and kept staring at the window. He pulled out his sunglasses and put them on, as a back up in case he started crying, which he hoped with all his heart he wouldn't. 

Simon left the room to get the rest of the contracts, and the room was completely silent. After a few minutes, the door flew open one last time. 

Harry continued to stare outside the window, determined not to move. He shut his eyes tightly and balled his hands into fists. 

Niall sucked his breath in as Louis stepped inside the room. 

Harry's heart was pounding loudly. He could hear it in his ears and it was almost deafening. 

"Hey, Niall." he heard Louis say. 

Harry snapped after hearing his voice. A voice he hadn't heard in five years. Tears pricked his eyes, making his vision blurry. He blinked rapidly, trying to prevent them from falling. He stayed perfectly still in chair, and heard Louis greet everyone else. 

Niall looked at Harry uncertainly, breathing out slowly. 

From the moment Louis had walked into the room, he noticed Harry sitting on a chair in the corner, unmoving. Louis' heart was thudding in his chest loudly and quickly tuned his attention to Zayn and Liam. He muttered a hello to each of them, ignoring their apprehensive looks and their eyes darting between him and Harry. He would be fine. This would all be fine. 

The room was extremely silent for a few minutes. Liam had draped his arm around Zayn without either of them noticing, and Louis was moving closer and closer to Niall, the only person he felt truly comfortable with. Harry stayed near the window, not daring to go closer to Louis. 

"All right, then," Simon's loud voice interrupted the silence. Liam dropped his arm quickly and Zayn shuffled his feet. "Louis's here, great. Everyone gather around this table so we can go over the contracts, alright?"

Louis swallowed and held Niall's jacket tightly. They gathered around, Louis on the far left. Next to Louis was Niall, then Zayn, and then Liam. They all turned to Harry except Louis, who was determinedly looking straight down at the table. Louis heard Harry get up and walk towards the table. He clenched Niall's jacket with even more force, and Niall gave him a reassuring pat on the back. 

Harry stood next to Liam, looking at Louis' bowed down head. Simon slammed the contracts down on the table. "I'll give you boys about half an hour to go through them. When I'm back, you can ask any questions about the contracts, sound good?"

They all nodded, not saying a word. 

Simon left, and Louis looked up. His eyes met Harry's. His heart jumped into his chest, and he immediately looked away, his breathing uneven. So many memories came rushing back to his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, but he could still hear Harry's husky voice whispering dirty things in his ear, he could feel Harry's kisses go up and down his body, he could feel Harry touch him in all the right places. 

He could hear Harry screaming at him, Harry slamming his fist on the wall, Harry breaking things. 

Louis pinched himself on his arm, trying to snap out of it. He wanted to scream but took the contract in his hands, trying to read the text through the blur of tears. He blinked them away successfully and started to read. 

Niall rubbed small circles on his back, trying to soothe him. Zayn and Liam looked at each other uncertainly and Harry ignored everyone, flipping through the contract casually. 

Louis eyes glazed over most of the text, but then some thing caught his eye. 

"Band members must not engage in any sexual or romantic relationships with one another. Severe punishments will follow anyone who is caught violating this rule."

Louis swallowed. Zayn narrowed his eyes upon reaching this, and looked at Liam without meaning to. "Liam," he whispered, and Liam raised his hand, shushing him. 

"I don't see anything wrong about this contract," Liam whispered, and Zayn nodded. Zayn deserved that. 

That rule wouldn't be a problem for Louis. He wasn't going to have ANY relation with Harry, even friendship. And he definitely wasn't romantically interested in anyone else. Louis peered over to Harry, making sure to not look him in the eye. He was reading the contact, his face expressionless. 

Harry was holding so much inside him. He whizzed past more rules. "Band members shall not destroy each other's property. Band members must not force one another to try any drugs of any kind. Band members are prohibited from having any public homosexual relationship."

"Members must comply to this contract for a minimum of five years."

Five years. 

Harry kept thinking of Louis, who was now no more than a few feet away from him. He gasped softly, and tried to even his breathing. He didn't have any problem with these rules, but for some reason, a small voice in his head kept nagging him, stopping him from agreeing to this contract. 

Simon entered the room again, and crossed his arms. "Any problems? If there are, speak now, or forever hold your peace," he narrowed his eyes intimidatingly, and looked at the five of them. 

They all had something to say, but none of them said anything. They all just silently shook their heads, feeling history slowly repeating itself. 

"Great!" Simon clapped his hands. He then pulled a pen out of his pocket and lay it down the table. "Louis, will you do the honors?"

Harry stared intently at Louis' hands, careful not to look him in the face. Louis picked up the pen slowly, and signed it. One by one, Niall, Zayn, and Liam signed their contracts. Liam set the pen down in front of Harry. 

He could feel everyone staring at him intently, and he turned the pen over his hands. His heart was pounding. Was he ready to do this? Was he ready to see Louis everyday? Was he ready to possibly relive the trauma that almost took his life? 

He looked up and him and Louis made eye contact once more. They both looked away quickly, and Harry picked the pen up. 

Feeling his heart thudding loudly in his ears, he signed.


	4. part 4

It had been two weeks since the contracts were signed. As per the contract, the contract goes into effect two weeks after it was signed, and so it had gone into effect about two hours ago. 

The members had two weeks to take care of any personal things. Then each of the members would get their own apartment next to the studio, and move in there. Their apartments were all on the same floor, so they could visit each other whenever they wanted. 

Not that there would be a lot of visiting going on at the moment. 

The plan was that the boys would work on their album and release it within two months. It was almost completely guaranteed that the album would do amazing, and they would be all set to go on tour in two months. 

Liam had sorted out everything with Cheryl and Bear, arranging as much time as he could with Bear before the tour started. 

Zayn and Gigi had taken a break. Although they both liked each other very much, Gigi had to return to America because she had a lot of modeling gigs and runway bookings. Seeing that she would be in America most of the time and Zayn would be in the U.K, they decided to take a break until the tour was over. 

Niall was all set, as he didn't have kids nor a relationship to take care of, he was just excited to get back to the music as soon as possible. 

The same went for Harry, but of course, there was another, bigger issue on his mind. Louis. He only had two months before the tour started, and even then, him and Louis would be living on the same floor. 

He wasn't sure if he was ready. 

Actually, he knew he wasn't ready. But he had no other choice left. 

____  
2010

_Louis and Harry, along with the rest of the boys, had just finished filming their X factor diaries. The other boys had gone to sleep, but Louis and Harry were wide awake, sitting in Harry's room._

__

__

_Louis laughed. "Oh my god, look, you're in an apron," he said, pointing to a picture of Harry at the bakery._

_"Man, I loved that job," Harry said._

_"Yeah, too bad you're on the road to being a superstar now," Louis said. "You can't go back to that bakery anymore,"_

_"Hey, if I'm gonna be a superstar, so are you, you know that right? We're in the same band,"_

_Louis laughed and continued flipping through the album. He stopped suddenly. "Who's this?" he asked, his voice a little high._

_Harry turned and looked at the picture Louis was pointing at. "Oh, that was my girlfriend," Harry said._

_"Was?" Louis repeated._

_"I'm serious about this, Lou," Harry said, sitting straight up. He was lying down on the bed and Louis was sitting on the edge. "This is my dream. I can't afford to get distracted, and I probably won't be going home for a long time. I don't want to be unfair to her."_

_Louis looked him in the eyes for a long minute, then nodded._

_"Do you have a girlfriend?" Harry blurted before he could stop himself._

_Louis got an amused look on his face. "No," he said, smiling. "I had a few in high school, but none of them were very serious,"_

_"Oh, okay," Harry said, almost relieved._

_"Any reason you're asking?" Louis said, scooting a bit closer to him._

_Harry felt his face heat up. "No," he said quickly, almost too quickly. "Just wondering,"_

_It was strange. He had known Louis for about two months now, and he had liked him from the beginning. He was kind to Harry, and Harry was beyond happy when they got paired together. And over these months, they got to know each other very well, and although it hadn't been long, Louis felt like Harry's best friend._

_Harry felt like he could tell him anything. He was comfortable with Louis. And yes, he started to care for the other boys a lot as well, but he felt a connection with Louis._

_Something beyond friendship._

_He knew it was crazy, but it was the good kind of crazy. The kind of crazy Harry loved._

_Louis looked into his eyes once more, as if he was reading his mind. Harry stared at him back, inching a little closer to him._

_"Have you ever kissed a boy, Harry?" Louis breathed. Harry was a little taken aback, but he shook his head. "Would you ever like to?"_

_Harry swallowed, his mouth dry. "I would," he whispered._

_Louis placed his hand on Harry's neck, trailing it upwards until he was holding the back of Harry's head. Harry's heart was pounding, and he was sure Louis could hear it too._

_Louis moved closer, and Harry's eyes fluttered close, his breathing uneven._

_Neither of them knew what was happening. But for now, they both decided not to question it, both of them wanting to live in this moment, wanting to remember this moment, forever._

_In that moment, they didn't care how they labeled themselves. They didn't care about the fact that they both were boys._

_All that mattered was that they were two souls drawn to each other, and that's all that should matter._

_Louis' lips collided with Harry's, kissing him with passion. Harry's arms found their way around Louis' neck and pulled him in closer, wanting to fell Louis' chest against his._

_Louis' hands moved up and down Harry's back, his tongue running over Harry's lips, waiting for him to open them. And when Harry did, he slipped his tongue inside._

_Louis had never felt this way before. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? Was this everything he was missing? Was this everything he needed?_

_He pulled away, slowly, and raised his thumb to Harry's lips, wiping away the saliva on the corner of Harry's mouth._

_They stared at each other, knowing that maybe they had done something they shouldn't have. But as they looked at each other longer, they knew there was no going back._

_This was the start of something, and they knew that all they could do was hope for a happy ending._

_Louis got up and gathered his things, Harry looking at him the whole time. Neither of them said a word. They didn't need to. Their silence spoke numbers._

_Louis stopped at the door._

_"Goodnight, Harry," Louis whispered._

_"Goodnight, Louis."_

__

__

Louis' phone rang loudly, startling him. He was angry at himself, letting all those memories flow back into his head. 

He was sitting in the passenger seat of a truck, all his suitcases in the massive trunk. Today was the move in, and he knew he was an hour late, but he had spent most of the morning fighting with Eleanor. 

He picked up the phone and sighed. "Yes, Niall?"

"You're late," Niall said. "Everyone's got their things in their apartment. Simon's a little pissed so I would hurry up if I were you,"

"I'm two minutes away, Niall," Louis said, rubbing his eyes. 

"Okay good. Also, our apartments are in a circle, so I tried to keep your room and Harry's room as far away as possible, but, uh, it's a circle, so--"

"It's fine, Niall," Louis said, exhausted. "I'm just not going to leave my apartment then. I'll figure something out." The truck pulled into the driveway of the building. "Okay I'm here," he said. "Call you later,"

He hung up. "Sir, you can head up to your room, we'll bring up your luggage in about ten minutes," the driver said. 

Louis nodded, and went inside. Simon was sitting in the lobby with the P.R team, and immediately got up once he saw Louis. 

He slammed the key into Louis' hand. "Don't be late, next time," he grunted. "You're in room 12."

Louis nodded and sighed, taking the elevator to the second floor and leaving Simon to yell at the P.R team. He walked down the hall and into a round room with five doors. He saw one with the number 12 and inserted his key, opening the door. 

The door of number 13 opened, and Niall came bursting out, wrapping Louis in a hug. "About time, mate," he said in his Irish accent. "We were waiting for you,"

"We?" Louis questioned. 

"Yeah, well not Harry," Niall said. "He hasn't left his room since he came in. Zayn's in Liam's room, doing god knows what,"

Louis groaned. "Shut up, Niall, they both have girlfriends now. "

Niall laughed. "It was a joke!" he walked into Louis' apartment and plopped down on the couch. "Oh, by the way, Simon gave us all a laminated copy of our contracts, so we wouldn't break them." Niall handed Louis two contracts. 

"Why'd you give me two?" Louis asked, flipping through them. He stopped when he got to the second one. "This is Harry's," he said indignantly. 

Niall sucked his cheeks in. "The P.R team came in this morning. Simon was more than happy that you and Harry aren't on speaking terms, but the P.R team insisted that you and Harry need to diffuse the tension or it'll impact our sales,"

"So?" Louis said through clenched teeth. 

"They want you to go into his room and give it to him," Niall said, his voice small. 

"Absolutely not!" Louis yelled. "I will not be in a room alone with Harry under any fucking circumstances, you hear me?" he shoved Harry's contract into Niall's hands. "You take this and you fucking give it to him, y-"

"Is there a problem?" The head of the P.R team, and cold, thin, middle-aged man, stood in the door frame. Something about him gave Louis the shivers. 

The P.R guy glared at Niall, who shoved the contract back into Louis' hand. "No, sir," Niall said. 

He turned his gaze to Louis, who shifted uncomfortably. "No," Louis said, unconvincingly. 

"No, sir," The P.R guy said slowly. He walked up to Louis and stuck his hand out. "Philip Cage," he said. Louis hesitantly shook his hand. 

"Louis T-"

"I know who you are," he interrupted. "I also know exactly what happened with this band the first time around. Let it be known that under my guidance, nothing like that will ever happen again. You five were out of control and pathetic, and your management team did a very poor job of keeping you in control, letting you behave like pigs. 

"Now, stop behaving like a child and give Harry his contract, room 11. And if you have time, please tell Zayn to stop by my office. I think he may need some convincing to get back with him girlfriend instead of drooling over Liam. That is all,"

Louis glared at Philip, who was still firmly grasping his hand. He pulled his hand away with difficulty and stormed past him. He found it difficult to believe that there was someone worse than Simon and their old management team, but here he was. 

He stopped in front of room 11, his heart hammering against his ribs. 

He paused for a minute, then knocked on the door.


	5. part 5

Harry was sprawled on his bed, unable to think. He still couldn't believe that the band was back together. 

He was trying his hardest not to think of Louis. Of how much he fucking hated him. He could feel the lump in his throat form again, and he sat straight up, annoyed. 

He hated how much control Louis still had on him. He hated it. He hated how weak the mention of Louis' name made him, he hated how he had to see Louis every day again. 

He thought this was over. 

Just as he was about to lie down, he heard a knock on the door. 

Harry groaned, exasperated. He really hoped it wasn't the new P.R guy. He was creepy and homophobic, basically exactly like their old management team, except creepier. 

He stomped over the door and threw it open. "Look, sir, I'm almost done if you c-" He stopped, dead in his tracks. His eyes came into contact with a familiar pair of crystal blue ones. 

Harry took a few steps back, unable to stop himself. "W-what.. what are you doing here?" he said, malice creeping into his voice. 

Louis narrowed his eyes and shoved a piece of laminated paper into his hands. "Believe me, I don't want to be here. I was forced to give you this contract so you could hang it up and never forget it. You need it the most anyway," Louis seethed. 

Louis didn't know what he was doing. All he knew was that he was hurting. And Harry was the reason. 

He had so much pent up frustration and he needed to take it out on someone. And who was better than Harry?

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Harry raised his voice, throwing his contract somewhere behind him. 

"Nothing. It's just given your history with violating the contract, you might need it more," Louis said before he could stop himself. 

"My history?!" Harry repeated loudly. "My history?! Oh because you were so fucking obedient. You violated the contract too, Louis, don't stand there and tell me our relationship was fucking one sided. At least own up to that, because you can't own up to anything else," 

"I certainly didn't want it as much as you did," Louis whispered, stepping closer to Harry. "I didn't like it when you touched me. I didn't like how close you would get to me, I didn't like any bit of it. What we had, Harry, was a disgusting mistake, and--"

Slap. 

Louis held his cheek in horror, tasting blood on the corner of his mouth. "What the fuck?!" 

"How fucking dare you?" Harry raged. His eyes were glossy, but he was determined not to let the tears slip out. "How can you stand there and say that? You were the one who started it, Louis, You initiated almost everything and you have the audacity to say that you didn't fucking like it? Like I fucking raped you?"

Louis shoved Harry back. They were still standing in the doorway, but now they were both inside Harry's room, the door ajar. 

"We both know what you fucking did," Louis said. "We both know what happened that night,"

"YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!" Harry screamed, grabbing Louis by his shirt and slamming him against the wall. 

Niall ran out of Louis' room, followed by Liam's door swinging open and Zayn and Liam running out too.

Louis hissed in pain and tried to knee Harry in the groin, but Harry caught his leg and forcefully pressed it back up against the wall. He pulled Louis off the wall only to slam him back into it. 

Louis cried out, and Niall ran into the room, followed closely by Liam and Zayn. 

"Stop it!" he screamed. "Harry, stop it. Let go of him, Harry, please." 

"Harry," Liam said gently. "Harry, please, calm down,"

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down," Harry breathed, gripping Louis' shirt tighter. 

Louis locked eyes with Harry. His back was throbbing, and he could see the gloss covering Harry's emerald eyes. 

Louis swallowed, determined not to cry. A lot of things went down between him and Harry. He knew he had once loved Harry, he knew he had once loved every part about him, and he knew he had once loved making love to him. 

But Harry had ruined it. And whatever happened, he never wanted to be vulnerable to Harry again. 

Even if it meant telling Harry that what they had was fake. 

That Louis never liked it. Which was far from the truth. 

"You're a fucking monster," Harry spat, pressing his forearm against Louis' chest. Louis panted, trying to move his hand, but he couldn't. "I don't know why I ever loved you. I don't know why anyone would ever love you. I feel bad for your son. No one deserves a fucking father like you," 

Louis felt like Harry had stabbed him in his heart, and tears slipped out of his eyes despite his constant efforts to keep them in. 

Before he could say anything, Harry shoved him out the door and on to the floor. Niall, Zayn and Liam rushed to his side and Harry slammed the door and locked it, determined to never open it again. 

"Louis, what did you say to him?" Niall asked softly, helping Louis sit up. 

Louis glanced at the three pairs of eyes on him, waiting for an answer. 

He looked down the hall and saw Philip standing there, a look of amusement on his face. He looked away, disgusted. 

He bit his lip, but many more tears threatened to fall down his cheeks, so he pulled away from Niall and burst into his room, slamming the door shut and locking it behind him. 

"Louis!" he heard Niall yell, and then knock softly on the door. 

"C'mon, mate, just leave him alone," He heard Zayn say. He heard their footsteps recede and them go back to their respective rooms. 

Louis leaned against the door and sunk down, sobs shaking his body. He hugged his knees and cried his heart out, tired of holding it in. 

His mind wandered to a few years ago, when him and Harry were so in love. 

How did they get here? 

_One Direction had won third place. Third place on the X factor. It was possibly one of the greatest moment's of Harry's life. When they had heard the news, the first person Harry had ran to was obviously, Louis._

_Louis picked him up and spun him around, beyond happy. They would sign their contract with Syco music in a few days, and every single one of the boys were ecstatic._

_Louis suddenly put Harry down and cleared his throat awkwardly once he realized what he was doing._

_Yep._

_Ever since their kiss, which was almost a month ago, Louis had been avoiding him. He didn't know why, and he tried to talk to him about it, but he never got a moment with Louis alone._

_Until now._

_As the five boys were celebrating, Harry watched Louis go into the dressing room. He excused himself and ran after him, opening the door and slamming it shut behind him._

_"Shit, Harry," Louis said, startled._

_"Are you gonna tell me what's up?" Harry said, getting straight to the point._

_"I- w-what?" Louis stuttered._

_Harry stepped closer to him. "You know what I'm talking about. Don't act clueless,"_

_Louis sighed and rubbed his eyes in defeat. "Look, Harry, I don't know what you want me to say. What did you expect? That we'd start dating and live happily ever after?"_

_"I just thought we'd be something. That this would go somewhere. I certainly didn't expect you to be avoiding me. We literally won the x factor. I should be way happier than I am but I can't if you're going to keep avoiding me like this,"_

_Louis stared at him, not saying anything. After a long minute, he broke his silence. "What do you want from me, Harry?"_

_Harry moved even closer, and Louis' back pressed against the dressing table. "I just want you. If you want to be friends, fine. I just want you in my life, I want to be able to talk to you late at night, like we used to. I want to be there for you, Louis, I like you. I like you a lot. And I-"_

_Louis grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss, cutting him off. It caught Harry off guard, but it didn't take long for him to kiss back, wrapping his arms around Louis neck and bringing him closer._

_Any chance Harry and Louis had of being just friends was gone, forever. There was no going back now._

_Harry's stomach bubbled as Louis pulled away and buried his face in Harry's neck, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist._

_"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you," Louis said, his voice muffled. "I've just never felt this way about someone. It scared me,"_

_"Me too, Louis. But you can't run away from your feelings,"_

_Louis kissed Harry's neck softly, then leaned his forehead against Harry's. "What does this make us?" he asked seriously. "Where do we stand with each other?"_

_"Do we have to put a label on it?" Harry answered. "Why can't we just go with the flow, see what happens?"_

_Louis smiled and gave him another peck on the lips. "Okay," he agreed._

_"You're not gonna avoid me anymore, are you?" Harry asked._

_"No more avoiding," Louis muttered. "I promise,"_

_"We're going to do great things, together, Louis," Harry said. "I know we will. One Direction is just getting started,"_

_"What about the other three?" Louis said, and Harry laughed._

_"We should probably join them," Harry said, pulling away from the hug, and Louis groaned._

_Harry held out his hand, and Louis took it, following him out of the dressing room. Simon Cowell narrowed his eyes as they both walked out, hand in hand, their hair messy and cheeks flushed._

_He dialed a number on his phone and put it to his ear. "Call the management team," he ordered. "We've already got a situation on our hands."_

_"And you're not going to like it."_


	6. part 6

After the disaster that went down between him and Harry, management had forced the boys into team building. 

At the beach. 

Louis had protested, of course, but in the end, he didn't really have a choice. And before he knew it, he was on a bus with the other four boys, heading towards the nearest beach. 

The ride to the beach was very silent. Louis was in the seat next to Niall, sitting as close as he could without being in Niall's lap. 

Zayn and Liam were sitting together as well, looking at something on Liam's phone and laughing quietly. 

Harry was all the way in the back, and he had fallen asleep. After his fight with Louis, he hadn't been able to sleep and was tired all day. 

Louis glanced behind him, staring at Harry. 

He looked so peaceful, the sunlight reflecting off his eyelashes. His skin looked so smooth, and his soft lips were slightly parted. Louis swallowed. 

"Alright!" Philip boomed, clapping his hands and standing up in front of the bus. Harry jolted awake and Louis spun his head around, hoping Harry hadn't noticed. 

Liam and Zayn looked up expectantly. 

"As you all know, we have been experiencing some, uh disagreements amongst us. I really was hoping that the five of you had matured, especially after a couple of you became fathers, but are still as stupid and immature as you once were," 

Zayn rolled his eyes and Louis cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

"You guys want to act like children? Fine. Then we'll treat you like fucking children."

The bus screeched to a halt. Louis peered outside and saw an empty beach. It was warm outside, and the water looked extremely refreshing. 

"We've emptied this beach out for you boys. Follow me outside." Philip ordered as the doors whooshed open. 

Zayn got up and ran his hands through his hair. "Can you believe this idiot?" he asked, to no one in particular. 

Liam laughed, and he was soon joined by Niall and Louis. Louis' was more of a nervous laughter, because he knew he would be forced to interact with Harry again. And he wasn't ready. 

Harry walked past them and out the door, without acknowledging anyone. Louis looked at Niall worriedly. 

"Don't worry, you'll be fine," Niall said soothingly. 

The four boys followed Harry outside. Philip was already on the sand, waiting for them. They jogged down, sand getting into their shoes. 

"Right then." Philip began, squinting his eyes from the sunlight. "We'll split you into groups, one group of three and one group," he peered over at Harry and Louis. "Of two." 

Louis' heart almost stopped beating, even though he knew this was bound to happen. He was going to put him and Harry into a group. 

"Keep in mind that this is the last day you boys are allowed to relax. Next week and after is all writing songs, working on music, filming music videos, and announcing your return. Use this time wisely," 

"Zayn, Liam and Niall, follow Mr. Cowell. He will instruct you on your team building exercise. Louis and Harry, follow me." 

Louis didn't want to let go of Niall. He felt like a child, but he just couldn't control it. The thought of being with Harry alone was driving him insane. Niall tried to move but he held on to him, refusing to move. 

"It'll be okay," Niall said softly. He slowly tugged on Louis' hand, freeing himself. "Just go. It'll be okay," 

Niall left, and Louis took a deep breath before turning around to face Philip and Harry. Philip was already far ahead, walking towards the rocky cliffs on the edge of the beach. 

Harry began walking after him, and Louis waited until there was enough distance between them to start walking as well. 

They kept walking, until they reached a small opening. They entered, and Louis caught his breath. 

It was a small lagoon sort of thing, like a tiny lake, surrounded by jagged stone of the cliffs. The sunlight was reflecting off the water and onto the stone, making the sight magical. 

Philip turned towards the two of them. "Your task is simple. Both of you get in the water, and stay there for an hour. Anything and everything between you two should be solved by then. If you have not resolved your issues by then, I will be forced to use different methods."

He began walking away, but abruptly turned around. "Oh, and keep your contracts in minds. Keep your dirty, wandering hands to yourselves. You are both men. Behave yourselves." he spat.

Louis stared at him in disgust. For the past few years he had been denying his relationship with Harry, both to himself and others. Desperately convincing himself that he was never in love with Harry. 

But he hated homophobes. Eleanor could come off as very homophobic sometimes, but he knew she was just looking out for him. 

Right?

Philip left, leaving Louis' heart pounding out of his chest. 

Harry turned at him, a scowl on his face. "Look, I know we're not gonna sort shit out. You hate me, and I fucking hate you. But for the love of god, just fucking pretend that everything's okay when we get out of here, yeah? I don't want to keep being forced to be around you alone."

"Yeah, fine," Louis muttered. 

Harry began to undress, taking his shirt and sweatpants off. 

"W-what are you doing?" Louis asked, his face hot. 

Harry rolled his eyes and slipped into the pool, and Louis felt like an idiot. He didn't know if he should get in. Especially because Harry was inside. But it was getting very warm, and the water looked very refreshing. 

He glanced at Harry, who dipped his head under the water and rose back up, shaking his head to get rid of the water. 

Fuck it. He's not going to be scared of Harry forever. 

Harry should be scared of him. 

He began to undress as well, taking his clothes off and getting into the pool. 

They both locked eyes for a second, taking each other in.

Harry's broad chest and defined abs were glistening, covered in water and water droplets. His emerald eyes blinked the water out of them, his curly, luscious hair now wet. His strong hands pushed his hair out of his angelic face. 

The water was bringing the blue out in Louis' crystal eyes, dripping down his eyelashes and on to his red lips. His beard had small water droplets, and his tattoo-covered chest was gleaming, sunshine reflecting off the water. 

Harry felt a pang in his heart, looking at a man he once loved more than himself. 

He was still so beautiful. 

"I didn't like it when you touched me."

"I didn't like how close you would get to me." 

"What we had was a disgusting mistake."

He remembered what Louis had said to him yesterday. 

Harry turned away, angry tears filling his eyes. He knew it was real. What they had was real. 

But the Louis in front of him was not the Louis he had fallen in love in with. He was different now, changed. 

That night had changed him, and every year he spent without Harry changed him even more, turning him into a pathetic shadow of the man he once was. 

And Harry hated him. Hated him for trying to make Harry believe their relationship was one sided. Hated him for saying he never loved Harry. 

Hated him for believing that what they had was a lie. 

Harry wiped his tears furiously, his anger and frustration taking control of him, blurring his mind. He lost control of his actions. 

He turned around and waded to the other side of the pool, where Louis was standing. 

Louis backed up immediately, his back hitting the end of the pool. "What the fuck are you doing?" he hissed. 

Harry ignored him, blinded by his anger. He put his hands on either side of Louis, trapping him.

Louis struggled, trying to get out, but to no avail. Harry was bigger than him, stronger than him. 

"Let me fucking go, Harry, what the fuck are you doing?" 

"You didn't like it?" Harry whispered, edging his knee in between Louis' legs. "You didn't like it when I touched you?"

Louis gasped as he felt Harry's leg near his groin. He struggled even harder. "You're violating the contract, Harry, you disgusting-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Harry screamed, bringing his leg closer. 

Louis changed his mind. He was definitely scared of Harry. Harry moved his leg, brushing it against Louis' clothed dick. Louis bit back a moan. 

Wait, no. Louis panicked. This wasn't supposed to feel good. He hated Harry. 

"F-fuck off, Harry. Get the fuck off, Harry, dammit!" Harry ignored him and continued moving his leg, now tightly pressed against Louis. 

He leaned in, touching his nose to Louis' jaw. Louis swallowed, unable to think. Harry was doing things to him, making him feel things he hadn't felt in a long time. 

"Tell me you didn't like it," Harry whispered. "Say it. Say it again," 

To Louis' horror, he was getting hard. This could not be happening. This WAS NOT happening. He felt Harry smirk against his neck, biting it softly. 

"C'mon, Louis, say it," Harry insisted. Louis hands clenched into fists. 

"I-I didn't l-like-" Harry bit down on his neck harshly, moving his leg faster. Louis moaned, tilting his head back. He was rock hard now, and he hated himself for it. 

"You were saying?" Harry prompted evilly. 

Louis couldn't believe what was happening. He felt Harry's wet chest against his, heard his labored breathing. Louis panted, trying his hardest to suppress another moan. 

He couldn't let Harry win. 

He tried to get the words out, but failed, realizing that Harry had already won.

Harry's hand snaked up to Louis' wet hair, putting it back to expose Louis' neck even further. He licked the water off Louis' neck, still waiting for Louis to say it. 

Louis' couldn't take it anymore. He was hard, painfully hard. 

All of sudden, Harry retracted, pulling his leg away from Louis, his warm chest leaving Louis'. It left Louis feeling empty and cold. 

He looked up at Harry, confused, his dick still throbbing painfully. 

"You're fucking pathetic," Harry spat. "Look at you. I didn't even fucking touch you there. And you had the fucking audacity to say you didn't like it," 

Louis closed his eyes, his chest rising and falling rapidly. God, he fell right into Harry's trap, falling apart in Harry's arms. 

Some things never change. 

Harry leaned into Louis' ear. "Admit it. You loved it. And guess what? It's never fucking happening again, you pathetic idiot," 

He harshly shoved Louis to the side and got out of the pool.


	7. part 7

Louis couldn't get Harry out of his head. 

Ever since what happened at the beach, Harry was constantly in his mind. 

He was so angry. Angry at Harry for having the upper hand. Angry at Harry for making a move on him, only to leave him looking like an idiot. 

And most of all, he was angry at himself. 

Why did Harry still have so much control over him? 

Why, after so many years, did he still fall apart like putty in Harry's hands? 

He shivered, remembering Harry touching him like that. 

"I can't believe nothing happened," Niall said, eating cereal on Louis' bed. "He didn't say anything to you? Nothing?"

Louis shook his head timidly. He didn't tell Niall what happened. It was too embarrassing, and he really didn't want to deal with it. 

"We just played beach volleyball. It was pretty fun, but I was forced to be on Simon's team because Zayn and Liam were too busy Zayn-and-Liaming,"

"I wish I was there," Louis muttered angrily. Anything was better than being in an empty pool alone with Harry. He shook his head, trying to forget about it. 

It was just easier to pretend like it didn't happen. 

It was easier to pretend he didn't want Harry to touch him again. 

He hated himself. 

He tried to distract himself with Niall as much as he could, trying to forget what happened, both yesterday and the past ten years. 

_March 2011_

_It had been 8 months since Harry and Louis had been together. They still weren't sure what to call it, but they were happy. They were making music, and they hadn't really made a huge hit or anything yet, but they were hopeful._

_Louis had a feeling that management had definitely caught on to something._

_They had talked to Harry and Louis about their relationship, and Louis and Harry gave them vague answers. They openly flirted in interviews, and the other three boys had caught on pretty quickly as well._

_Harry was walking to the apartment him and Louis shared when he passed by management's office. He heard Louis' name and abruptly stopped in his tracks._

_He inched closer to the door and pressed his ear against it._

_"It's been 8 months, Simon," he heard a man growl. "I know we agreed to let it happen, but the boys are slowly starting to get fans. It wasn't an issue at all until now,"_

_"It's still not that big of an issue!" he heard Simon insist. "Once they seriously start releasing songs and albums, we'll do something about it."_

_"The time is now, Simon. We have to act before it gets out of hand. We shouldn't wait until it becomes an issue,"_

_He heard Simon sigh. "What do you propose we do? I'm completely against whatever the two of them are doing, but I'm afraid we can't force them to do anything,"_

_"On the contrary," Harry heard papers shuffling. "They're under a legal obligation to listen. Just take a look at their contracts,"_

_Harry's heart pounded. What were they doing?_

_"I've already talked to Louis about this," he heard the man say. "One of my contacts has a niece who lives in town. She's a model, and she's heard of Louis. She fancies him. She's very pretty too, and I've convinced Louis to talk to her tomorrow,"_

_"Okay," he heard Simon mutter. "Okay, if Louis agreed, then this might work,"_

_Harry backed away. He had heard enough. He raced down the hall, loudly banging the door open._

_Louis almost fell off the bed, holding the remote in his hands. "Christ, Harry, what's wrong?"_

_"Who's that girl you're meeting tomorrow?" Harry asked, almost hysterically._

_Louis faltered and stood up, closing the door. "Listen, Harry,"_

_"No!" Harry said. "No, just tell me who it is. Tell me why you're even going!" He was breathing hard._

_Louis held Harry's face in his hands. "You trust me, don't you?" He asked. Harry hesitated for a bit, and then nodded slowly._

_"Just tell me who it is Lou, tell me why-"_

_"It's just to satisfy management, okay?" he leaned his head in, their foreheads touching. "I promise, Harry. Trust me,"_

_He leaned in and pecked his lips softly._

_Harry still wasn't calmed down, unconvinced. "Are you sure?" he whispered, his heart pounding._

_"Yes, Harry, you're the only one I want, okay?"_

_"Prove it." Harry said, after a heartbeat. "Prove to me, that I'm the only one you want." He was breathing rapidly, surprising himself as he spoke._

_Louis moved back, his eyebrows raised._

_He looked Harry in his eyes. "Harry, are you-"_

_"Show me, Louis," Harry practically begged. "Show me how much you want me. Show me that I'm the only one you want,"_

_Louis swallowed. "A-are you sure?" Harry nodded immediately, lunging forward and capturing Louis' lips with his own. Harry kissed him hungrily, pushing his tongue in without waiting._

_Louis back hit the door, and he tangled his hands in Harry's hair, pulling him closer. Harry's large hands found their way to his ass, squeezing it tightly._

_Louis moaned slightly, causing Harry to pull away and start kissing his neck. Harry reached down and grabbed his bulge, making Louis gasp and lean his head back._

_They had been together a long time, but neither of them had felt ready. All of that changed today._

_Harry stopped kissing him and pulled Louis' shirt off aggressively, throwing it to the side. Louis pulled Harry's shirt off as well, and they connected their lips once more._

_They stumbled onto the bed, Harry falling onto his back and Louis crawling on top of him._

_Louis kissed his way down Harry's stomach, stopping at his pants. He unzipped them and pulled them off._

_Louis smirked, palming Harry over his underwear. Harry moaned and tried to take his underwear off but Louis slapped his hand away._

_"Lou, please," Harry breathed. He was hard, and he needed to feel Louis._

_Louis slowly slipped his underwear off, Harry's length coming up in his face. He swallowed nervously._

_"Harry, I've never done this before either, so it might--"_

_"Just do it, do something," Harry scrambled, unable to think._

_After a few moments, he felt Louis' warm mouth encasing his dick. "Oh my god," he moaned, leaning his head back and feeling pure ecstasy._

_Harry had never done this before, not even with a girl._

_He was happy that way, happy that Louis was the first one to touch him. He felt safe with Louis, he felt home._

_It was perfect._

_When Louis was done, he trailed his way back up to Harry's face, pressing his thumb on Harry's bottom lip. "I love you," he whispered._

_Harry's eyes widened, still breathing hard. "Y-you what?"_

_Louis laid down next to him, resting his cheek on Harry's shoulder. He trailed his hand up Harry's glistening chest, slowly wiping the beads of sweat. "I love you. I love you so much. I think I have loved you, for a while, I just never said it,"_

_Harry almost cried, his smile turning into soft laughter. "Christ, Louis, I love you too,"_

_Louis smiled back, gripping Harry's jaw and pulling him into another kiss. It was short but passionate, nothing else mattering to them._

_To love someone and be loved back, that was probably the best feeling in the world._

_Louis reached over and turned the lights off. Harry spooned him from the back, kissing the top of his earlobe._

_"Goodnight, Louis," Harry whispered. Louis murmured a "goodnight" back and they both fell asleep in each other arms, feeling the warm of their bare skin on each other._

_"Harry! Harry, wake the fuck up!"_

_"Mmm, five more minutes," Harry yawned, rolling over._

_"It's about Louis, Harry, wake UP!"_

_Harry slowly opened his eyes, squinting, trying to see who was standing in front of him. He suddenly remembered he was completely naked and pulled the blanket up to his chest._

_He saw Zayn leaning over him, a concerned expression on his face._

_"Zayn? What happened?" he asked sleepily. "Wait, what time is it?"_

_"It's 3 in the afternoon, Harry," Zayn said, exasperated. Harry just shrugged. That wasn't even the latest he had ever woken up._

_"Listen," Zayn continued. "Did you and Louis break up last night or something?"_

_Harry furrowed his brows together. "No," he said immediately. It was the quite the opposite actually, but he didn't tell that to Zayn. "Why?"_

_"He's dating someone, apparently. They posted it on The Sun, too."_

_Harry felt all the air leave his lungs. "What?" he asked._

_"Look." Zayn fidgeted with his laptop, putting it on Harry's bed and propping it open. There was a picture of Louis next to a pretty girl with brown hair, and they were sitting on a table in front of a restaurant._

_The next picture was of them kissing._

_Harry felt sick. This wasn't happening. He grabbed the laptop and read the article through a blur of tears._

_"Louis Tomlinson, part of the brand new boy-band One Direction, was seen with fashion model Eleanor Calder at a small cafe in London. One Direction was created last year on the popular TV Show 'The X Factor'._

_"Tomlinson and Calder were seen kissing and holding hands. We later approached Eleanor who said, 'Louis and I are taking it slow, but yeah, we're definitely dating. He's such a great guy.'"_

_Harry slammed the laptop shut, making Zayn jump. He shoved his face in his hands._

_"You okay, bro?" Zayn asked softly. "Just let him come home, maybe he has an explanation-"_

_"He said he loved me, yesterday," Harry interrupted. A small tear escaped his eye and he wiped it away furiously. "He told me he loved me. He told me he was going to meet her just to satisfy management, and now they're dating?"_

_Zayn sighed and sat down. Harry pulled the blanket up even higher._

_"Look, Harry, just come to my apartment. Niall and Liam are there, too. We'll talk about it there, okay?" He put his hand on Harry's shoulder and rubbed it softly._

_Harry sniffed and nodded. "Okay," he said. "You go, I'll join you in a few minutes."_

_Zayn nodded and left, closing the door behind him. Harry fell back down, finally letting his tears escape._

_He opened the laptop again and stared at the girl._

_Eleanor._

_What did she have that Harry didn't?_

_Harry would forever hate her, and forever hate himself for not being good enough. Why did she deserve Louis, and he didn't?  
_

It felt good to be back in the studio. The five of them were setting up their equipment and testing their mics. 

"I have some stuff written down," Zayn said. "I guess we could all just hear each other out and start from there?" 

"Sounds good," Liam said immediately. "Great idea, Zayn,"

Zayn rolled his eyes and smiled. Liam was such a dork. 

Harry noticed how nervous Louis was around him and smiled at himself, happy that he finally had the upper hand. 

He would make Louis pay for everything he did to him. 

Harry was just getting started. 

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Simon cleared his throat. "Boys, we have a visitor," he said, and everyone looked up expectantly. 

Simon unlocked the door and it swung open. 

"You all remember Eleanor, right?"


	8. part 8

Oh, no, no, no, no. This could not be happening. 

Louis' heart dropped when he saw Eleanor come through the door. His focus immediately shifted to Harry, who was staring at Eleanor like he'd seen a ghost. 

No, Louis though to himself. Maybe this was good. Maybe if he showed Harry if he was in a healthy, happy relationship, Harry would stop playing games with him. 

He forced a smile. "Babe! What a surprise!" 

Eleanor giggled and ran to embrace Louis, intertwining their lips. Harry immediately felt bile rise in his throat and hit his fist on his chest to stop himself from vomiting. 

Seeing them together-- after all these years-- still hurt the same. Harry didn't know why or how, but he felt a needle pierce his heart. 

It took him back to all those years ago. 

He shook his head. No. He was the one in control here. He was winning, and he would make Louis regret everything he did to him. 

"Oh, you guys are still together?" Harry wondered aloud. 

Everyone turned to Harry, Zayn and Liam looking at each other worriedly. Niall began biting his nails. 

Eleanor pulled away and glared at Harry. "Yes, we are. We were together since 2011, Harry, anything else is just your delusion speaking," 

He felt anger take over him, but he took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down.

"Oh that's funny," Harry said, forcing a chuckle out of himself. "Oh, that's really funny," 

Louis swallowed nervously. Eleanor narrowed her eyes. "What the fuck is so hilarious about this, Harry?"

"Oh, nothing," Harry said, smirking. "I just think it's weird that he has a girlfriend, especially considering yesterday, when he--"

"SHOULD I SHOW YOU AROUND, ELEANOR?" Louis interrupted loudly. He wanted to die. If Harry told everyone what happened between them yesterday...

He didn't even want to think about it. 

"What happened yesterday?" Simon interjected. 

Eleanor nodded her head, looking at both of them expectantly. 

Louis clenched his teeth. "Harry, can I talk to you for a second?"

Harry smiled and shrugged. "Can we, Simon?" he asked innocently. "Can we be alone together?" 

Simon pursed his lips. "Make it quick," he said, the suspicion clear in his eyes. 

"Are you sure? Becau--"

Louis balled his hands into fists. "Just. Fucking. Come." he said, his voice strained from trying not to scream. 

Harry shrugged again and followed Louis out the door and into the equipment room, giving Eleanor the fakest, sweetest smile. Louis slammed the door shut and locked it. 

Harry crossed his arms. Louis turned around slowly. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he hissed. 

"I just thought your girlfriend should know what happened yesterday. Communication is very important Louis, and you two should be honest with each other," 

Louis slammed his hand on the wall next to Harry, who shivered slightly. "Listen," Louis said, his voice low. "I don't know what you're trying to accomplish, but it ends now," 

Harry smiled and grabbed the front of Louis' shirt, pulling Louis closer to him. "Does it now?" he whispered. 

Louis' breathing quickened. "Not this again," he grunted, trying to move back, but Harry grabbed him by the shoulders and switched them so that Louis was pressed against the wall instead. 

"You listen to me. Yesterday, in the pool, I got you hard. I was barely even trying. You were a fucking mess and you were hard. Hard for me. Can Eleanor do that, hmm? How hard does that bitch have to try to get you hard?"

Louis struggled, moving around. Harry gripped his shirt tighter. "Y-yes, she can, Harry. Actually, she does it faster than y--"

Harry let go of his shirt and trailed his hand up to Louis' neck, wrapping it around. He raised his thumb to Louis' mouth, running it over his bottom lip. 

"Don't lie to me," Harry growled. 

Louis closed his eyes. "What do you want from me?" he whispered. "What do you want?" 

Harry's hand closed around his neck tighter. Louis panted, wrapping both his hands around Harry's wrist. 

"I want you to pay for what you did to me," Harry said. "I want you to wish that you never met me," 

Louis tugged on Harry's wrist, trying to free himself. "You hurt me, Harry. That was you."

Harry tightened his hand even more, making tears stream out of Louis' eyes. "Stop making fucking excuses. I fucked up. That one night, I fucked up, but you've been fucking up for years." Harry seethed. 

Louis coughed and panted, struggling for air. "I'll n-never forget what you did to me that night, H-harry. S-stop playing the victim," 

Harry let go suddenly, making Louis fall to ground, coughing and gasping for air. Louis stood up and wiped his mouth. 

"Here's what's gonna happen," Harry said angrily. "From now on, you follow my rules. If I text you at 3 am to meet me, you meet me. If I think you should have fewer lines in a song, you agree with me."

"W-why would I do that?" Louis stammered. 

Harry leaned into Louis' ear and blew on it, making Louis shudder. "Because if you don't, I'll tell your lovely little girlfriend what happens to you as soon as I put my hands on you," 

"N-nothing h-happens--"

Harry clicked his tongue. "You always need a demonstration, don't you, Louis?" he whispered. 

Harry slipped his hand under Louis' shirt and slowly trailed it upward. "For example," Harry whispered. "You have goosebumps all over your body," 

Louis closed his lips tightly, trying not to give in. Harry ran his fingers over his nipple, and Louis clenched his fists tightly, exhaling slowly. "Your nipples are so hard," Harry said softly. 

"I wonder if--" He reached out and grabbed Louis' crotch with his other hand, making Louis gasp and throw his head back. 

"H-harry, I-" 

"Shhh," Harry shushed him. "I'm just giving you a demonstration, Louis. You're claiming that nothing I do to you has an effect on you and I'm just-"

"It doesn't," Louis groaned. "It doesn't." 

"I don't know," Harry said innocently. "But you seem pretty hard to me, I guess it wouldn't hurt to check-"

"OKAY!" Louis yelled, before Harry's hands could undo his belt. "Okay, I'll listen to whatever you say, I'll do whatever you want, just stop!" 

Harry smiled and took his hands off Louis. "You're a wreck," he said, laughing. 

Louis' face burned with anger. He felt humiliated. He hated himself for wanting Harry, wanting Harry's touch, and he hated Harry for realizing it. 

Louis clenched his jaw tightly. "You win this time," he muttered. "But I'm not done with you yet. You what I'm capable of, Styles," 

"Oh," Harry said, running his hands through Louis' hair. "I think I know just fine," 

They heard a loud bang on the door. "Oi, hurry up!" they heard an Irish voice say. "Simon'll start to think you're fucking in there!" 

"Not so far from the truth, eh?" Harry whispered, winking. He unlocked the door and left, leaving Louis alone. 

Louis bit his fist and screamed, kicking the wall. Niall entered the room slowly. "Tommo, what happened?" 

He kicked the wall once again, with more force. "I hate him," Louis said lowly. "I hate him. I fucking hate him so much. 

Niall hugged him slowly. "I know," he said sadly. 

"I'm going to take him down, Niall," he murmured, his face buried in Niall's shoulder. "This isn't over."

_April 2011_  
_"Harry just meet her, please!" Louis begged._

__

_"No," Harry said coldly. He tugged his arm away from Louis' grasp, freeing himself. "Go fuck yourself. And go fuck her too,"_

_Louis ran and stopped in front of Harry, refusing to let him pass. "Baby, please," He took Harry's hands in his. "It's just a show for the public, Harry, I swear, you can ask her!"_

_Harry snatched his hands away once more. "I don't want to meet her! I don't want to fucking see her. She gets to kiss you, she gets to hold you, and you want me to meet her?!"_

_Louis sighed sadly. "I love you, Harry, please. If it wasn't for management I would never have agreed but I might have to leave the band if I didn't. She means nothing, Harry!"_

_Harry stared at him, not saying anything._

_"Listen," Louis wrapped his arms around Harry's neck. "I've told her about you. She knows that my heart belongs to someone else."_

_Louis nudged Harry's nose with his, and Harry cracked a small smile. "Just meet her, please? You might even be friends,"_

_Harry groaned. "Okay that's expecting too much,"_

_Louis ran his tongue over Harry's lips, who wrapped his arms around his waist. "You'll meet her, though, right?"_

_Harry grabbed Louis' ass and pulled him into a deep kiss. "Fine," he muttered._

_Louis pulled away slowly and grabbed Harry's hand. "Come on, she's in this room,"_

_Harry sighed, already regretting this. But he knew how hard management could be, so he decided to cut Louis some slack._

_They entered the room and Harry's eyes fell on a young, pretty brunette. Harry immediately felt a wave of insecurity._

_He kept reassuring himself that Louis loved him. But he didn't like this at all._

_He forced a smile. "Hi, I'm Harry," he said._

_She smiled back brightly. "Hi, Harry! I'm Eleanor. It's so so nice to meet you!" She pulled him into a hug and Harry hesitantly hugged back._

_He locked eyes with Louis, who shrugged._

_Eleanor pulled away and went on to hug Louis. Harry tried to contain his jealousy and bit his tongue. "Hey, Louis, I-"_

_"I was just here to clarify that your relationship with Louis is just for the public," Harry interrupted._

_Eleanor turned around and raised her eyebrows. "Yes it is," she said slowly. "And you're his... boyfriend?"_

_She said the word boyfriend like it was some contagious disease. Harry almost scowled but stopped himself. "Something like that, yeah."_

_Louis sensed that Harry was getting angry so he grabbed his hand to soothe him. "We're together, Eleanor. That's not a problem is it?"_

_Eleanor broke out into her wide smile again. "Of course not! You two are so cute together!"_

_Louis felt Harry relax and he rubbed his hand with his thumb._

_"Louis, Simon is calling you," Zayn interjected. He had just peeked his head into the room. "Oh, hope I wasn't interrupting anything."_

_Louis slipped his hand out of Harry's. "I'll be back soon, okay?"_

_Louis left and shut the door behind on his way out. Harry turned to Eleanor awkwardly. "Uh, thanks for being so nice about this whole thing, I was--"_

_"Do you love him?" Eleanor asked suddenly._

_Harry stared at her for a second. "So much," he answered honestly._

_"I've only spent a day with him. And I certainly don't love him yet, but I can tell you this: I am falling for him. Hard. And we are going to spend a lot more time together, and I cannot guarantee you that I won't fall in love,"_

_Eleanor moved closer. "And when I do, Harry, I'm going to make sure he loves me back. I'm going to show him that what he has with you," she poked Harry's chest. "Is unnatural. And that I can give him the world,"_

_Harry tried to speak, but no words came out. He was shocked._

_"Bye, Harry!" she said, plastering her smile back on her face. "Have a great day!"  
_

And as Harry watched Eleanor and Louis walk around the room, nine years later, he realized that Eleanor had won.


	9. part 9

Bzzt. 

Harry covered his face with his pillow, ignoring his phone. He didn't even know what time it was, all he knew was that it was extremely late and he would get to it tomorrow. 

He was so tired. 

The boys had spent the last two weeks writing and producing songs, spending hours in the studio. They had five solid songs, but wanted eight to release their album. 

Not to mention Simon and Philip. 

And Louis. 

Because of Harry, although Louis had written a majority of the songs, he barely got any lines. 

Harry didn't know why he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt every time he insisted Louis had less lines. 

After everything Louis did to him, he deserved at least this much, right?

Bzzt. Bzzt. 

Harry rolled over, groaning. "Shut up," he muttered. 

Bzzt. 

Harry shot up in bed, annoyed. "What the fuck?" he whispered angrily. He grabbed his phone off the nightstand. 3 am. 

He looked at his messages. They were from Louis. 

Harry's heart lurched as he unlocked his phone to see them. What did Louis want at 3 am? 

"Harry. Come to the roof."

"Harry Styles, come to the roof right now."

"Harry, I'm serious, if you don't get up here right now, I'm gonna jump off." 

HARRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Harry said to himself, grabbing his jacket. He ran his hand through his hair and grabbed his phone, getting up. He slipped on some shoes and stepped outside into the hallway. 

Their building had a roof, and you could get up using a small ladder tucked away on the corner of the hallway. 

To the boys' relief, management did not know this, so the roof became their secret hideout.

Harry clambered up the ladder sleepily, wanting to get Louis back to bed. Part of him wanted to ignore Louis, but he didn't want Louis to do anything stupid. 

He didn't know why he still cared. 

The cool breeze hit him in an instant as he emerged onto the top. 

He saw Louis stumbling around the roof holding a massive bottle of rum. And it was almost empty. 

"Oh my god," Harry muttered. "Louis!" he screamed, as he watched Louis get dangerously close to the edge. 

"Louis, Jesus Christ," he began to run, finally reaching Louis and wrapping his arms around him. He pulled him away from the edge, panting. 

Louis' face was a few inches from his, and Louis was breathing heavily in his face. His breath smelled strongly of alcohol. 

Harry pushed him away slightly. "Christ, Louis, how much did you drink?"

Louis giggled. "Remember two weeks ago, when you said that if you texted me at 3 am, I would have to come? A-and now I've texted you and you came instead?"

Louis began laughing his ass off, taking another swig. Harry sighed and took the bottle from his hands, setting it down. "Let's go," he said, trying to grab Louis' hand. 

Louis pulled away and clicked his tongue. "No, no, no. We're going to stay here. I need to talk to you,"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Make it quick, Tomlinson, I'm sleepy," 

Louis lunged for the bottle, but Harry blocked him, picking him up off the ground. Louis shivered, wrapping his arms around Harry's warm body. 

His forehead touched Harry's as Harry slowly put him down. Louis didn't move his arms. Instead he leaned into Harry and rested his head on Harry's chest, feeling Harry's heartbeat quicken. 

Harry just stood there, motionless, his arms hanging by his side. Louis closed his eyes.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Louis whispered. 

Harry felt a pang in his heart. "You know why," he said. 

Louis pulled away, tears filling his crystal blue eyes. Harry exhaled, taking him in. He looked beautiful in the moonlight, his cheeks flushed from drinking and his eyes twinkling from the tears. 

The tears fell, and Harry felt tears in his own eyes. 

"I want to hate you," Louis said. "You're horrible to me. You broke me, all those years ago, and now," 

Louis shoved Harry harshly, making Harry step back. Harry said nothing, did nothing. 

"You're always playing some sick game with me," Louis said loudly, shoving him again. "I write our songs but I can barely sing any of them," He shoved him again. 

"I want to hate you so. fucking. bad. You're why I drink, Harry. Not just today. You're why I've been drinking for the past five years, you're why I can't be happy, why I can't fucking move on with a beautiful girl who loves me, why everything in my life feels so fucking wrong!"

He slapped Harry on his cheek. Harry hissed, feeling the sting, but still did nothing. Louis kicked him and Harry stumbled back. 

Louis hit him repeatedly, now full on-crying. "I want to hate you," he sobbed. 

Harry suddenly grabbed both of his hands, holding them above him. "Then why don't you?" he whispered. 

Louis panted, staring at those emerald eyes, which had taken his soul and never returned it. 

"You know why," Louis whispered, falling into Harry's arms. Harry didn't hesitate this time and wrapped his arms around Louis' small body. 

Louis buried his face in Harry's neck, sobs shaking his body. Harry swallowed the lump in throat, running his hands through Louis' hair and rubbing circles on his back. 

"Don't let go," Louis said desperately. "Please."

Harry didn't want to. Harry wanted to hold him like this forever. But he knew this wasn't Louis. Louis was completely drunk; he had no idea what he was doing and Harry was 100 percent sure he wouldn't even remember this when he woke up. 

Harry wanted to savor this feeling while it lasted. 

This vulnerable, beautiful Louis in his arms wasn't real. 

The real Louis was a monster. The real Louis hated him. The real Louis would never ever say these things to him, and that hurt like a bitch. 

Louis hiccuped. "You're not going to make fun of me? You're not gonna give me a lecture on the control you have over me?"

Harry shook his head, resting his chin on Louis' shoulder. "I'm not," 

Louis pulled away, cupping Harry's face and leaning in so that their noses were touching. 

"Kiss me, Harry,"

Harry stared down at his lips, coated in saliva. He wanted nothing more in that moment to take Louis' lips in his own, to kiss him and make Louis his. 

This Louis wasn't real. He wasn't. 

Harry closed his eyes to keep the tears in. He slowly pushed Louis away, his heart aching. 

"I can't," he gasped. "This isn't you, Louis," 

Louis grabbed Harry's hand hysterically, pressing it to his heart. "It's me, Harry," 

Harry leaned his head back. He would not cry. He wouldn't. "You have a girlfriend," he whispered defeatedly. 

Louis moved closer. "Come on, Harry, be serious,"

Harry pushed him away once more. "I am fucking serious! What do you think, Louis? That I'm going to let you back in while your piss-drunk, knowing that you're going to forget all about this tomorrow?"

He walked towards Louis and seized his jaw, holding his face with one hand. "You want to know why I've been doing this to you? Because you're a fucking coward. You'll never admit what you did wrong and you'll never admit that you still want me back,"

Louis became cold once more. whatever trance he was in before gone. 

"I'll never want you back," he spat. "Go to fucking hell,"

Louis ran towards the ladder, tripping and falling on his elbows. He cried out, rolling over and gasping. 

Harry wiped his tears furiously and ran to Louis, helping him up. He had two cuts on either of his elbows. 

Harry blew on them softly, getting the dirt out. Louis snatched his arms away from him. "Leave me the fuck alone, Harry," 

"I'm not going anywhere until you're in bed," Harry said, nudging Louis towards the ladder. 

He helped Louis down into the hallway, slowly walking to Louis' room. Harry kicked the door open and lay Louis down on the bed. 

Louis groaned and rolled over to the side. Harry knelt on the floor next to him. 

"You hate me so much, don't you?" Louis whispered. 

Harry said nothing. He didn't want to argue with him. He moved down the bed and took Louis' shoes off. 

He saw Louis struggling with his belt and sighed as he slid Louis's jeans off and threw them to the corner. Louis hummed softly. 

"All good?" he asked. Louis nodded sleepily. 

Harry bent down, and before he could stop himself, planted a small kiss on Louis' forehead. Louis grabbed Harry's hand feebly and kissed it. 

"I'm a coward, Harry," he said softly, before dozing off to sleep. 

Harry slowly slipped his hand out of Louis' and pulled the covers over his sleeping figure.

He finally let his tears fall down, covering his mouth with his hand. He didn't want to do this to Louis anymore. He didn't want to play these stupid games, he didn't want to fuck with Louis like that. 

But Louis would wake up and go back to hating him, go back to being that cruel person he had turned into. 

Harry could never bring the old Louis back. 

He knew Louis was drunk but he let Louis be vulnerable to him, just to feel what he felt five years ago, when they were still in love. 

Knowing that it wasn't real. 

He closed the door quietly. 

"I'm a coward too, Louis."


	10. part 10

_September 2011_

_The boys had been working hard. Every day. They had worked together and written a new single called "What Makes You Beautiful."_

_The marketing team had a great feeling about this. It had been a year since they were formed and everyone felt their big break was coming soon._

_The were in Malibu, on one of the prettiest beaches Harry had ever seen._

_Harry looked over at Louis and bit his lip._

_Management was on to them harder than ever. And he knew after this song got out, their first real, legitimate single, things would just get tougher._

_It had been a whole year since their first kiss in Harry's room. He remembered how magical that night was, and the lump in his throat grew bigger after realizing where they were now._

_"Listen, Eleanor, I promise I'll be there okay? I know it means a lot to you! I'm just very busy and we're filming today, c'mon..." Louis paused and rubbed his hand over his forehead. "Yes, I'm still with him, Eleanor," he grunted._

_Harry bit his lip harder. Eleanor had put a huge strain on their relationship. Harry hadn't told Louis what she said to him in that room._

_He didn't know what good it would do._

_Louis put the phone away and sighed. Him and Harry had gotten into another fight last night, and they were very tense._

_"Okay, listen up, boys!" someone from the crew yelled. "Today we're going to be filming the actual music video along with the behind the scenes, alright? Alright, let's do this!"_

_Louis narrowed his eyes at Harry. It was starting to get very dark._

_Harry was talking to one of the girls they were filming with. She laughed loudly and brought her hand up to play with his curls._

_Louis balled his hands up into fists and stomped over to them._

_He nodded for the girl to leave, and she did, hesitantly._

_"What are you doing?" he hissed, grabbing Harry's arm._

_"What?" Harry muttered, pulling his arm away harshly._

_"And what's going on here?!" The camera crew suddenly shifted to them, making them both jump._

_"Uh.." Louis swallowed. Harry almost expected him to tell the truth. Almost expected him to say 'Harry's talking to the new girl and I got jealous.'_

_"Harry here has a big crush!" he yelled, throwing his arm around Harry's shoulder._

_Harry knew he had to do that. Harry knew Louis had to say that. But he had enough. It was enough that he had to watch him go on dates with Eleanor every day._

_Kiss Eleanor every day._

_Hold her, comfort her, go to her stupid events._

_Harry nodded, smiling. "I do, actually," he confirmed, laughing. The camera stayed around for a while and then moved on to Niall and Liam._

_Harry tugged his arm away once more. "I should go talk to my crush," he said._

_"Harry, what-" Harry jogged away, trying to find her once more._

_He finally did, stopping in front of her, out of breath. "Do you want to get out of here?" he said, panting._

_She smiled, looking him up and down. "Yeah, you mean, like right now?"_

_Harry turned his head slightly to make sure Louis was watching. "Yeah, right now," he said, grabbing her hand. "Filming is over,"_

_Louis stomach churned. He couldn't hear what was going on but he had a bad feeling. He saw one of the management reps walk up to Harry and talk to him for a second._

_Harry then nodded, and left towards the parking lot, still holding hands with the girl._

_Louis walked up to the rep, his heart pounding. "W-where is Harry going?" he said frantically. The rep ignored him._

_Management gathered all the boys around. "Alright, boys, it's time to wrap it up, alright? Let's head back to the hotel."_

_"Where. Is. Harry." Louis repeated. The rest of the boys looked around for him, then back at management expectantly._

_"He's left with some girl. He'll be back in the morning," the guy said, a massive smirk on his face. Louis wanted to slap him._

_He had a hard time holding in his tears when the boys gathered back on the bus. Niall rubbed his hand comfortingly._

_Louis leaned his head on the window, wondering why Harry and him wouldn't be left alone._

_Why their love wouldn't be left alone._

_The door creaked open softly. It was 2 am. Louis was having a very hard time falling asleep, so he got up immediately when he heard the door._

_He saw Harry get in and close the door slowly._

_"Hey," Louis said softly. His eyes were red, and Harry noticed that._

_Harry sat down on the bed next to him. Louis wanted to be angry at him, but he was exhausted._

_Physically and mentally._

_"How was your night?" Louis said, his heart already dropping._

_Harry looked directly into his eyes. "I couldn't do it, Louis," he whispered, slowly taking Louis' hands into his own._

_Louis let Harry hold them. "Couldn't do what?" he said, closing his eyes._

_Harry let out a shuddered breath. "S-she tried to kiss me, and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to do anything with her, Louis, I couldn't stop thinking about you."_

_Louis sighed out in relief, a tear spilling down his cheek._

_"I'm not like you," Harry said, his voice small._

_Louis felt his heart break. moving closer to Harry. "Do you know how hard it is for me to kiss Eleanor, Harry? Do you think it's easy?"_

_"It looks easy," Harry muttered, sounding broken. "It's hard for you, isn't it? Our relationship is hard for you, being with me is hard for you,"_

_Louis suddenly climbed into his lap, one leg on either side of Harry. He cupped Harry's face, wiping his tears away and looking into his emerald eyes._

_"Kissing Eleanor every day is hard. Pretending I'm not in love with you is hard. Trying to go to sleep without feeling your arms around me is hard, Harry,"_

_Harry closed his eyes._

_"Being with you is one of the only easy things in my life, Harry," Louis whispered, and captured Harry's lips with his own._

_Harry slipped his hands under Louis' shirt, running them up and down his back._

_They tasted each other's salty tears._

_They felt each other's longing. Harry kissed him as if it was their last kiss ever, because he never knew when it actually would be._

_He never knew when Louis would be taken from him._

_Harry pulled him even closer, their chests touching. Louis' hands tangled themselves into Harry's hair._

_Harry fell back, letting Louis pull his shirt off. Louis kissed his jaw, then his collarbone, watching Harry pant and writhe underneath him._

_He went lower, stopping at his nipples and holding one between his teeth softly. Harry moaned slightly, gripping the back of Louis' head._

_Harry wondered why something that felt so right to him felt so wrong to everyone else._

_Would the world really be so disgusted if everyone found out they were together? Did they have a future together at all?_

_Or even a chance at one?_

_Harry let himself dream of a time, maybe ten years down the line, where him and Louis were together._

_He let himself dream of having a big house in the city, adopting two beautiful children. He let himself dream of walking out in public, holding Louis' hand and peppering him with kisses right in front of the cameras._

_He let himself dream of a future he knew would never happen.  
_

"Stupid," Harry muttered to himself, thinking about all those years ago. 

He was stupid to even dream about that. Here they were, ten years later. Out of all the possibilities Harry had considered when he was 17, this was not one of them. 

He had hoped they would at least be friends. 

But they hated each other. 

Harry had woken up that morning and gone back to the studio. And like he predicted, Louis had no clue what happened last night. 

He kept giving Harry strange looks, like he remembered faintly seeing him, but Harry could tell that Louis didn't remember it at all. 

It hurt so much and Harry didn't know why. 

He was sprawled out on his couch, Liam and Zayn sitting next to him. 

They were taking turns with the console, and it was Zayn and Liam's turn. 

Harry wasn't completely sure what was going on between them. Back in like 2013, he remembered Zayn and Liam getting into a huge fight over his engagement to Perrie. 

He didn't remember much else. 

They seemed very close right now, but Harry couldn't tell if they were fucking or not. 

"I need to get some fresh air," he said, suddenly realizing he might be third wheeling in his own room. 

Liam looked up and nodded. "Okay, Haz. Be back soon," 

Harry nodded and headed out the door, taking a deep breath. He stopped in front of Louis' room, pressing his head against the door. 

"I'm pretty sure I was like piss drunk last night, mate," he heard Louis say. "Are you sure I didn't come over to yours?"

"Nope," he heard Niall say. "You probably did some dumb shit in your own apartment,"

"It's not messy at all, though," Louis said. "I really hope I didn't go to-"

"Harry?" Niall asked, making Harry jump. "Nah, you're not that crazy, even when you're drunk," 

Harry walked away, shaking his head. He decided to just never bring it up. 

He went down the elevator into the lobby. 

He suddenly saw a very young boy with blond hair on the other side, walking around like he was lost. 

Where were his parents?

Harry tapped on the receptionist's shoulder. "Who's child is that?" he asked. 

The lady looked up lazily. "Oh, some woman dropped him in. She looked like she was in a huge hurry,"

Harry glared at her in disbelief. "So you just left him here, on his own?"

The lady shrugged and Harry clenched his teeth. He walked over to the child himself. 

"Hey, buddy, do you need any help? Are you lost?"

The child turned around and Harry's heart leaped into his throat. He'd recognize those crystal blue eyes anywhere. 

"Freddie?"


	11. part 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major shit goes down in this chapter ;)

Louis and Niall were hanging out in Louis' room when he suddenly felt his phone go off. 

"Hold on," he said to Niall, pulling his phone out of his pocket. It was a text from Briana. 

"Hey, I dropped Freddie off at that address you gave me like an hour ago." 

Louis' heart dropped. A fucking hour ago? What the fuck? 

"Wtf?? An hour ago? And you're telling me now?" 

He didn't even wait for her response. His heart was pounding. He grabbed his jacket and put his shoes on, trying not to hyperventilate. 

"Woah, what the fuck happened?" Niall asked, his mouth full of chips. 

"I have to go. Fuck, I have to go!" Louis opened the door and sprinted to the elevator, anxiously tapping his foot all the way down. 

The elevator's doors opened, and Louis ran out, running his hand through his hair worriedly. He was breathing hard. He would yell at Briana later. 

Right now, he had to find his son. 

He hurried over to reception, panting. "Have you seen like a small, blonde child? He was dropped off around an hour ago," Panic crept into his voice. 

The lady looked up lazily. "The last I saw him, he was with Mr. Styles," 

"Wha-" He leaned away from the desk. What the fuck was Harry doing with him? 

If Harry had hurt him...

He looked around frantically, then saw Harry holding Freddie's hand by the stairs. 

"Shit," he whispered under his breath, and jogged over to the stairs. He stopped before getting there, however, after hearing Harry's voice. 

He hid behind the wall. 

"Are you sure you don't wanna take the elevator?" Harry asked Freddie. "We can get to your dad faster that way,"

Freddie shook his head. "I wanna take the stairs," 

"Alright," Harry said softly, tightening his grip on Freddie's small hand. 

"Will you carry me?" Freddie asked, looking up at Harry. 

"Y-you want me to carry you? All the way up?" 

Freddie nodded, and Louis held his breath. He didn't know why he was basically spying on them, but he couldn't seem to stop. 

"O-okay," Harry agreed, sliding his hands under Freddie's armpits and lifting him up. Freddie giggled and wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders. 

"You look just like him," Harry whispered, but Louis heard it. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, his heart thudding. 

He remembered how Harry and him had talked about having kids together someday. Where one day, when they were free from the contract, they would live in a big house in L.A. 

They would adopt two kids, one boy and one girl. 

He remembered how him and Harry would curl up on the couch and look at the houses on Redfin. 

They would talk about having a bedroom with the view of the sunset and the palm trees. 

They would talk about reading their kids a bedtime story and putting them to sleep. 

He watched Harry quickly wipe a tear that escaped his red eyes and Louis felt his eyes watering too. 

Where had it all gone so wrong?

Louis watched him carry his son up the stairs, and raced to the elevator, reaching the top floor before Harry did. 

He ran to his room, which Niall had already left. After a few minutes, he heard a knock on his door. He swallowed and took a deep breath, opening it. 

"Daddy!" he heard his son yell. Louis smiled and tried to act surprised, taking Freddie off Harry's arms. 

Harry shoved his arms in his pockets, looking at his feet. 

"What are you doing here?" Louis asked playfully, ruffling his son's hair. 

"Mommy dropped me off," Freddie said excitedly. "I was so so so scared, and then- and then Harry found me and he carried me ALL THE WAY UP THE STAIRS. He is so so strong, daddy," 

Louis smiled, his eyes faltering. "That's so cool buddy, what do we say?"

"Thank you!" Freddie yelled, smiling at Harry. 

Harry held back his tears as he smiled back, biting his lip. "You're welcome, buddy," 

Louis put Freddie down. "How about you go to kitchen and wait for me there, okay? Daddy has to talk to Harry for a second," 

Freddie nodded and ran off, and Louis turned to face Harry, trying to ignore his red eyes. 

"Thank you," Louis whispered. 

Harry pressed his lips together and nodded. He wouldn't look Louis in the eye. 

"I thought you were gonna hurt him," Louis whispered, even more quietly. Harry finally looked up, his red eyes fixated on Louis. 

"Why would I hurt your fucking kid, Louis?" he asked indignantly. Louis shook his head. 

"I don't know, I don't-" Louis leaned his head back. "I just thought you hated me that much," 

"I hate you, not your kid," Harry hissed, and Louis felt a small sting. "I'm not a monster, Louis," 

Louis nodded. "I know," 

"Also, tell his mother to be more fucking careful. Something could've happened to him," he snapped, before turning on his heel to walk away. 

_2012  
_One Direction, was, in a word, a fucking hit.__

_Nobody could get enough of them. No one. It was 2012 and they had amassed an extraordinary number of followers, most of them screaming, loud, straight girls._

_It was dark and the boys were celebrating yet another very successful concert at their studio._

_"Harry, everyone's fucking obsessed with you," Liam yelled pointedly, and everyone laughed._

_Everyone except Louis, who took another sip out of his cup. He didn't know what was inside, but he liked the way it burned his throat._

_None of them were old enough to be drinking, but they were teenage boys. What do you expect?_

_"They're going fucking crazy over him," Niall added, and Harry shook his head modestly._

_It was the first time he was getting so much attention. He didn't know why everyone was so interested in him._

_He never ever felt special, or noticed, or especially good-looking._

_He didn't know why everyone was favoring him of all people. Zayn was a fucking greek god, with his sharp bone structure and phenomenal jawline._

_Liam was buff and built, and very handsome too. Niall was adorable, with his blue eyes and blond hair, and he was ridiculously attractive as well._

_And Louis._

_No one on this earth was more beautiful than Louis._

_Liam snickered while watching a crowd of girls losing it over Harry._

_He suddenly got an Instagram notification on his phone. He almost dropped his drink._

_"K-kendal Jenner just followed me," He said._

_Everyone stopped talking. Liam grabbed his phone out of his hand. "What the fuck?" he gasped. Niall and Zayn crowded around him._

_Louis emptied his cup and poured himself another. He never really had a problem with their relationship until now._

_He wanted to go public. He wanted all of those screaming girls to know that Harry was his._

_He wanted Kendall fucking Jenner to know that Harry was his._

_He emptied his cup once more, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand._

_The P.R team suddenly entered, holding their recording equipment. "Okay, guys, we want to record you guys saying a little thank you message to your fans, alright?" They ordered._

_Liam nodded, laughing._

_The guy furrowed his brows. "And for god's sake, please try not to act that drunk,"_

_That wouldn't really be a problem for anyone except Louis._

_"Alright, why doesn't Harry do most of the talking? I think the fans would like that, " The P.R guy suggested, and Liam, Zayn and Niall began clapping him on the back and whooping in agreement._

_Louis felt his annoyance rise._

_The camera began rolling. "Thank you so much for everyone who came out today," Harry said, smiling widely._

_"Also a big thank you to Kendall Jenner," He said, earning a bunch of "ooh's" from Liam. "If you're watching Kendall, I-"_

_Louis staggered forward and grabbed Harry's collar, pressing his lips to Harry's. Zayn dropped his cup, and Niall and Liam gasped._

_The P.R guy, David, immediately put the camera down. "Delete that footage. Erase it. Get rid of any fucking trace, fuck!"_

_Harry widened his eyes in shock, too surprised to kiss back or pull way._

_Louis reached behind Harry to deepen the kiss, but felt a large pair of hands grab his shirt and pull him away, throwing him onto the floor._

_Harry panted, his head swimming._

_Simon lumbered over Louis, his face red-hot in anger. He grabbed Louis by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. Louis groaned._

_Harry panicked. "Put him down, Simon, please, he was drunk--"_

_"SHUT UP!" Simon roared, diverting his attention back to Louis. "What the fuck were you thinking? What if we were live?"_

_"Oh, fuck, that wasn't live?" Louis said, giggling._

_Smack._

_Louis fell to the ground, tasting blood. Harry screamed, and the other three boys gasped, immediately starting to protest._

_Louis put his hand to his mouth, bringing blood-stained fingers back. He stared at Simon in shock._

_Simon kicked him in the stomach. Louis gasped, coughing._

_"No!" Harry screamed. He ran to Louis and crouched down next to him, helping him sit._

_"Harry, move," Simon said, coldly._

_"No," Harry said, tears running down his face. "Please, Simon, he was drunk. Please, don't do this to him,"_

_Simon grabbed Harry by his arm and flung him away. Liam caught Harry in his arms, while Zayn and Niall were too scared to move._

_"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Simon said, grabbing Louis' jaw. "Where the fuck do you think you would be without me, Louis?"_

_He squeezed Louis' already bruised jaw harder. Louis whimpered in pain, and Harry sobbed quietly into Liam's shoulder._

_"Whatever bullshit is going on between you and Harry, it's fucking over, YOU HEAR ME?" Simon yelled, squeezing even harder. "You are to never be alone with him again, got it?"_

_Louis gasped, blood dribbling down his chin. "I-I can't," he choked out. "I love him,"_

_Harry covered his mouth to prevent the sobs from escaping. Simon shoved him against the wall again._

_"Tell him it's over, Harry. I have tolerated this bullshit for WAY longer than I had to!" he ordered._

_He smacked Louis against his face again, leaving a big purple bruise on his cheekbone._

_Harry gasped. "Stop! Please, stop!"_

_"Tell him it's over. It's over for good," Simon pressed._

_"Please, Simon, please--" Harry begged. Simon kneed Louis in the stomach, making Louis double over._

_"It's over!" Harry screamed. "Louis, it's over,"_

_Niall was crying quietly, Liam and Zayn hugging him on either side._

_Simon let Louis fall to the ground, turning to face the three of them. "If any of you have any fucking ideas similar to whatever the fuck Harry and Louis are doing, CLEAR THEM, understand?"_

_Zayn's eyes shot down to Simon's bloody knuckled and nodded quickly._

_Simon went over to David, who looked completely unaffected. "Make sure they sleep in separate rooms," he said._

_David nodded. "Understood."_

_Louis spit the blood in his mouth on the floor. Harry brought his shaking hand up to Louis' face and wiped the blood off._

_He slowly ran his hand over the bruise, making Louis hiss in pain._

_"Why did you do that?" Harry whispered, helping Louis up. Louis fell into Harry's arms, hugging him._

_"I love you," Louis said simply._

_David walked over and gently pulled Louis off. "Let's get you to bed," he said, his voice void of emotion._

_Harry let out a shuddered breath._

_It was over._

_It had to be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys want Ziam scenes/smut or should I just stick to the Larry storyline? I'll leave it up to you guys LMAO so just lmk in the comments!


	12. part 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY 10 YEARS OF 1D!  
> I made a special, long episode for you guys <33
> 
> contains mature content and mentions of self harm, so be careful!

"I think Louis should sing this entire verse. I mean he wrote basically the whole song," Liam said, furrowing his eyebrows and tapping on the desk. 

Louis pursed his lips, and Niall nodded over enthusiastically. 

Everyone looked at Harry. Louis knew Harry would insist on giving Louis like two lines, as always, and Louis would be forced to agree with him. 

"Yeah, sounds good," Harry said. 

Louis' head jolted up, staring at Harry in surprise. Harry wouldn't meet his eyes. 

Ever since two days ago, the night Louis had gotten extremely drunk, Harry was different towards him. 

He wasn't nice, obviously, but he went a lot easier on him. 

He knew he had seen Harry that night. He just didn't know what happened. 

Their recording session was adjourned, and everyone began heading back to their apartments. 

Louis surprised himself when he ran to Harry's apartment instead of his own, stopping Harry from closing the door. 

Harry glared at him in confusion. "What are you doing?" he asked, his voice gruff. 

"I- I'm just..." Louis took a deep breath. "Can I come in?"

"No," Harry said immediately, beyond confused why Louis wanted to talk. Did he remember something from that night? Or was it because of Freddie?

Was Louis getting too comfortable around him? 

Louis was feeling extra ballsy, so he lightly pushed Harry back and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. 

"Louis, for god's sake, I don't wanna fucking talk to you. I don't want to interact with you. Just fucking leave,"

"What happened that night?" Louis said, narrowing his eyes. "I know we saw each other. What happened?"

Harry pressed his lips together. "Nothing fucking happened. Leave,"

Louis stepped closer. "Something did. And it's getting you all nervous, so tell me what the fuck happened, Harry," 

Harry didn't say a word. 

"Say something, Harry, fuck."

"Get out," Harry said, once again. "Just get the fuck out. I don't wanna talk about this,"

Louis stepped even closer. "You know what I think?" he said. 

"I don't fucking care what you think," Harry said, taking his jacket off and setting his phone on the coffee table. "I want you to leave,"

Louis ignored him. "Let's see," he said, trailing his finger up Harry's now bare arm. Harry immediately retracted at his touch, making a low noise in his throat. 

"I was piss drunk that night," Louis said quietly. "I know I met you. I don't know what happened. What I do know is that you just panicked when I touched you and you won't fucking talk about what happened," 

Harry scowled. "Tomlinson, if you don't get the fuck out of here in the next minute--"

"You took advantage of me," Louis said. "You took advantage of me while I was drunk,"

Harry froze. 

Is that what Louis thought of him? 

After everything, that's how utterly low Louis' opinion of him was?

His heart was thudding loudly in his chest, but it didn't take long for those feelings of sadness to turn into anger. 

Hot, red, anger. 

Harry whipped around and grabbed Louis' arm, pulling him so close that their noses were basically touching. 

"You wanna know what fucking happened, Louis?" He seethed. He let go off Louis' arm harshly, shoving him to the ground. 

Louis sat on the ground, panting. 

"You were a fucking mess. You texted me to come out to the fucking roof, remember?"

"I thought you didn't come," Louis said, quietly. "You wouldn't come,"

Harry squatted on the floor next to him. "Oh, I did. And guess what you did?" Harry inched forward, resting his hand on the floor between Louis' legs. 

Louis swallowed. 

"You asked-- no you fucking begged for me to kiss you," Harry said, moving his face closer. The room suddenly got hot, and Louis felt himself sweating. 

"I said no. I didn't even kiss you, Louis, and you were asking for it. You really fucking think that I would fuck you? When you were like that?" 

Louis looked into Harry's eyes, feeling pain in them. He put his hands behind himself to prop his body up. "I-"

"You know what else you said?" Harry continued. Harry didn't want to have this conversation. 

But when Louis accused him of taking advantage of him, he snapped. 

He couldn't fucking believe Louis thought of him like that. 

"You said you could never hate me. You said that you weren't happy with Eleanor, that you couldn't forget what we had," Harry whispered. 

Louis felt his face turn red, and tears brim his eyes. Did he actually say that? 

He wanted to deny it with his entire being, but he knew deep in his heart, that's what he felt. And somewhere in him, he knew that he told Harry. 

Harry was on his knees now, one knee on either side of Louis. Louis let a tear fall out. His face flushed, but he did nothing to stop it. 

Harry's anger was slowly diminishing, watching the tear slip down Louis' face. "I can't fucking believe you thought I'd do that," 

Louis closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head. "I-I'm, I-"

"Sorry?" Harry said. 

Louis didn't say anything. He didn't have to. He opened his eyes and they immediately fell onto Harry's soft lips. 

Louis sat up straight, their lips inches apart now. What was he doing?

All of the bad memories were slowly fading away, though. Louis tried to cling on to them desperately, trying to stop himself from doing what he was about to do. 

He tried to think about every time Harry had broken his heart and stomped on it, every time their relationship had gone terribly wrong, but all he could think about were Harry's lips, lips, lips. 

All rationale left Louis' head. 

He knew that kissing Harry meant he would lose the game. He knew kissing Harry would mean he gave in. 

He knew he had a girlfriend, he knew this was against the contract. 

He knew all those things, but in that moment those thoughts ceased to exist. 

Louis leaned in and ran his tongue over Harry's lips. 

Slowly, sensually. 

Harry's thoughts went haywire. What the fuck was happening?

"I hate you," he heard Louis whisper. 

Everything happened in slow motion. Louis began to lean in to kiss him and Harry almost let him. 

Almost. 

Louis leaned in and he grabbed Louis by the throat and slammed his head down onto the soft carpet. 

Louis coughed and panted, Harry's hand still tightly wrapped around his throat. "What the fuck?" Harry hissed. "What the fuck are you trying to do?"

"I-I don't know," Louis got out. He was being honest. He really didn't know. 

"Is this some sort of sick scheme? Are you trying to fuck with me or something?" 

Louis fumbled at Harry's hand, trying to get it off his throat. Of course Harry thought that. Of course Harry thought that Louis was trying to fuck with him. 

"Let go of me," Louis breathed. "Let go!" 

Harry let go of his throat but kept him pinned on the floor. "Just because I'm giving you more lines doesn't mean fucking shit, okay?" Harry said. "We're not fucking friends again, and you can't fucking waltz into my room whenever you want,"

"You think I don't fucking know that?" Louis spat. "You fucking traumatized me! For the rest of my fucking life I have to deal with our fucked up memories!"

"Oh yeah?" Harry said, pressing his hands into Louis' shoulder. "Then what the fuck was that?"

Louis had a headache. He couldn't deal with this. "Just fucking kill me," he said. 

Harry retracted, getting off Louis and sitting up straight. "What?" he said. 

Louis sat up. "All these years, I thought being away from you would help me heal from what happened. But you haunt me, Harry. I should've just fucking ended that night, like I was going to."

Harry felt the air leave his lungs. "You tried to-" No. No, Louis couldn't have. 

Louis realized he had said too much. He got up abruptly. "Fuck you," he said. "Fuck you, Harry Styles. I hate you, with everything that I have. That night meant nothing."

Harry didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. 

"Get up," Louis said, sternly, demanding. 

"W-what?" Harry said, still unable to think.

"Get THE FUCK UP!" Louis screamed. 

Harry got up. His head was still churning, his skin cold. Louis had tried to kill himself. 

Because of Harry. 

Louis yanked Harry to the bedroom, grabbing him by his shirt. He pushed Harry back onto the bed. 

Everything was happening too quickly. Harry was still trying to process what Louis had said. 

And right now, Louis was angry. 

Very, very angry. 

He stared at Harry's shirt, made out of thin, see-through material. He knew it was one of Harry's favorite shirts. 

He ripped it off with an animalistic growl, making Harry gasp in surprise. 

He gaped at his shirt, which was now almost completely ripped in half. 

Louis grabbed Harry's hair and pulled it back harshly, making Harry whimper. 

"You think you're in control, Harry?" Louis growled. "You think you can do whatever the fuck you want to me, tell me what to do, and blackmail me? Huh?"

Harry tried to talk but he couldn't. It was like his voice left him. 

"I am DONE with you pushing me around. You've been fucking with me for WEEKS, and I'm DONE!"

Louis unbuckled Harry's belt and swiftly slid his jeans off. He began to palm Harry through his boxers, and Harry let out an involuntary moan. 

"What is it that you used to say?" Louis grunted. "That you would tell Eleanor what happens as soon as you put your hands on me?"

Louis kept rubbing, making Harry gasp and buck his hips forward. 

"What about when I put my hands on you? Hmm?" Louis slipped his hand inside Harry's boxers, earning a low groan from him. 

"It's never happening again, you pathetic idiot," Louis said, quoting Harry. "Isn't that what you said?"

He pumped Harry's dick, slowly sliding his hands up and down the shaft. Harry couldn't answer. He bit his lip, trying to stop himself from making embarrassing noises. 

Louis went up started to kiss Harry's jaw. He kissed behind his ear and went down onto his neck, biting and sucking harshly, his hand still at work on Harry's dick. 

"Oh, god," Harry whispered. "Fuck."

Louis moved his hand faster, trailing kisses down Harry's abdomen. 

"F-faster," Harry moaned. Louis smirked and began going tantalizingly slow, making Harry groan. 

He felt Harry's dick throb, knowing he was close. He pulled his hand out suddenly, making Harry hiss in annoyance. 

"Prep me," Louis ordered. Harry sat up with difficulty, trying to ignore his painfully-hard dick. 

"Y-yeah, right," he let out, flipping Louis over. 

Harry flipped him over roughly, yanking Louis' shirt off. 

Seeing Louis under him again, cheeks flushed and lips swollen, snapped him back into reality. What was he doing?

"Louis--"

"Stop talking. Stop fucking talking," Louis breathed out.

Fuck it. 

Harry hated Louis, and what better way was there to take out his anger than this?

Harry pulled Louis' boxers all the way off, scratching his nails along Louis' sides as he did so. Louis clenched his fists in pain.

He circled Louis' hole slowly, and suddenly jabbed two fingers inside, making Louis shriek out. 

Harry curled his fingers inside him, watching Louis arch his back and press himself down on Harry's fingers. 

Harry added a third finger, working them in and out harshly, slowly jerking Louis off with the other hand. 

"Harry," Louis gasped out in a low moan. 

Harry ignored him, pushing his fingers in one last time before flipping them over roughly again.

There was nothing romantic or gentle about anything they were doing. Louis was blinded by rage, and Harry was letting go of every pent-up emotion he had ever since he had seen Louis again. 

They both were sitting, Louis sitting on top of Harry. Harry leaned against the headboard. 

"I hate you," Louis muttered forcefully, watching Harry kick his own boxers off. He lined himself up with Harry's dick, Harry's fingers nails digging into his hips. 

"You'll never be able to hurt me again, Harry," Louis said, wrapping both his hands around Harry's neck. 

Harry opened his mouth to answer, but Louis lowered himself on his dick, making Harry forget everything and throw his head back against the wall. 

Louis wrapped his hands tighter, making Harry's vision go fuzzy. He began going up and down slowly, hot tears blurring his vision. 

"Hate you," he whispered, speeding up a little. 

Harry bucked his hips up, thrusting up into him. He didn't how what to feel. 

He felt a deep sense of hatred towards Louis, for years, but after Louis admitted he tried to take his own life, Harry didn't know what to think. 

It was like Louis had dumped a truck of emotions on him, and he didn't know how to take it. 

And now Louis was on top of him, riding him, muttering strong insults into his ear, and Harry felt like he couldn't take it any longer. 

"Fuck," Harry moaned, thrusting up harder. "Fuck, Louis," 

Louis leaned forward, burying his face into Harry's neck, biting harshly at the same spot he had sucked on before, finally letting his tears fall.

Harry felt wetness on his neck, assuming it was Louis' saliva. 

Harry groaned in pain, feeling Louis break his skin. He squeezed Louis' sides tighter, nails drawing blood. 

He didn't care if he hurt Louis. 

Louis went even tighter around Harry's throat, the knot in his stomach getting bigger. He let go of Harry's neck suddenly, leaving Harry panting and gasping for breath. 

Louis jerked himself off with one hand and pulled Harry's hair with the other, earning a low hiss from Harry. 

It was like they both were trying to make the other feel the same pain they did. 

In the end, they were both hurting. They were both broken. This wouldn't fix them. 

Louis let out a strangled moan, the hair on his forehead matted down with sweat, his sweaty chest rubbing on Harry's. 

"You did this to me," Louis gasped, speeding up even more, trying to match Harry's thrusts. 

Harry had so much to say to him, so much to yell back, but nothing ever left his mouth except for desperate moans. 

"I-I'm-" Harry let out, leaning his head forward against Louis' shoulder. "I'm close," he finished, releasing a shuddered breath. 

Louis clenched around him, working on himself faster, his prostate getting hit repeatedly. "Oh, god," he whispered over and over. 

They came together, Harry deep inside Louis and Louis all over his hand. They were panting heavily, their chests rising and falling heavily. 

Louis had deep marks and purple bruises on his hips, while Harry's neck was littered with bloody hickeys. 

Louis slipped off him, grabbing tissues off the nightstand and cleaning himself up. Harry leaned back on his bed, unable to comprehend what just happened. 

He watched Louis put his clothes on and fix his hair, grunting in pain every time he came into contact with his bruised skin. 

"Fuck yourself, Harry. Don't act like you care" he spat, turning on his heel and walking out the room. 

"Don't act like you care if I died that night," he said, before slamming the door shut. 

Harry pulled the covers up to his chin. He was so lost, so confused. It was all too much at once. 

He wanted to cry, but couldn't. 

He wished it was 2010 again, when the five of them were just silly teenagers wanting to make a difference in the world. 

When him and Louis had stupid crushes on each other. 

You did this to me. 

He had always considered Louis to be a monster, but it never occurred to him that he had created it. 

He created that monster inside Louis. 

And only he could tame it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was my first time writing smut ever, I hope it was okay LOLLL  
> Next chapter will be Ziam-centric, just a heads-up!
> 
> Thank you guys so much for commenting, it really makes my day<3  
> Please keep commenting, it motivates me to write more and faster!


	13. part 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ziam chapter because y'all asked for it!
> 
> Larry chapter coming tomorrow! It's already written but I feel weird posting twice in the same day LOL

_2012_  
_"Zayn, wait!"_

_Liam ran after the raven-haired boy frantically. Zayn didn't stop, continuing down the hall quickly._

_"Zayn, fuck!" Liam sped up just as Zayn reached his room and slammed the door shut, breathing heavily._

_He leaned against the door and sat on the floor of his room, running his hand through his hair._

_"Zayn!" Liam knocked on the door. "Zayn, just listen, please!"_

_Zayn wrapped his arms around his knees, panting. "Liam, just leave," he said._

_"No," Liam argued, knocking loudly again. "Just let me in!"_

_Zayn let out a shuddered breath, which Liam heard. Liam sighed and crouched down in front of the door. "Listen, I know you're scared, but we can talk. We can talk about this,"_

_Zayn sat still, not saying anything._

_"Please," Liam added, an edge of desperation in his voice._

_Zayn rubbed his temples, groaning. He stood up and opened the door._

_Liam got up quickly, brushing his pants off. He closed the door behind him and followed Zayn inside._

_Zayn drank from his water bottle, his eyes on Liam the entire time._

_Liam reached for his hand. "Zayn-"_

_Zayn retracted quickly. "Don't touch me," he muttered._

_Liam felt a sting but brushed it away quickly. "Are we going to talk about this?" he asked gently, not wanting to piss off Zayn more than he already was._

_"There's nothing to talk about," Zayn insisted, setting his water bottle down._

_"Zayn, you and I both kn-"_

_"There's nothing to talk about!" Zayn interrupted loudly. "You have a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend. We're friends,"_

_Liam stepped closer, making Zayn take two steps back._

_"C'mon, Zayn!" Liam said, aggravated._

_"You c'mon!" Zayn yelled, stepping forward and shoving Liam._

_Liam was extremely built, but he stumbled back a little. He looked up at Zayn, the anger clear in his face._

_Zayn swallowed._

_"You want me to spell it out for you?" Liam said, moving closer. "Because you're being pretty fucking immature,"_

_"Fuck off," Zayn said, trying to shove him again. This time, Liam caught both of his arms and pinned them above him head, pushing Zayn's body into the wall._

_Zayn grunted, struggling to free himself. Liam kept a tight grip, pressing his body against Zayn's._

_"Let's. Talk." Liam reinstated._

_"About what?" Zayn gasped, exasperated. "There's nothing to talk abou--"_

_Liam leaned in suddenly, smashing his lips against Zayn's._

_Zayn stood still for a few seconds, in shock, but it didn't take long for him to kiss back._

_Liam let go of Zayn's wrists, planting one hand on either side of Zayn, while Zayn grabbed Liam's head, lightly pulling at his hair._

_Liam groaned, allowing Zayn to swipe his tongue in, their tongues pushing against each other._

_Zayn hummed at the feeling of Liam's defined chest pressing against his, getting lost in the smell of Liam's cologne and aftershave._

_They pulled away, a string of saliva connecting their lips. They were breathing heavily, and Zayn let his head fall back against the wall in defeat._

_"About that," Liam finished, sitting down on the bed._

_"I can't--" Zayn swallowed, the taste of Liam still inside his mouth. "We can't do this anymore. You know that. You saw what Simon did to Louis,"_

_Liam grabbed Zayn's wrist, pulling him closer so that he was standing next to the bed. He wrapped his arms around Zayn's waist, resting his head on Zayn's stomach._

_"Liam," Zayn breathed out, his name sounding like a plea._

_Zayn sighed and ran his hands through Liam's hair. "We have girlfriends, Liam,"_

_"They're not official," Liam whispered. "I didn't make it official,"_

_"Why?" Zayn asked._

_Liam stood up suddenly, their noses touching. "You know why,"_

_Zayn clicked his teeth, stepping away. "Make it official," he snapped. "I did with Perrie."_

_There was a heartbeat of silence._

_"Is that what you want?" Liam asked._

_Zayn looked away. "We hooked up a few times. It didn't mean anything. We're good friends. Nothing else."_

_Liam gripped Zayn's jaw and forced Zayn to look at him. "I'll make it official with Danielle again. Just say the words, Zayn. Look me in the eyes and tell me that it didn't mean anything,"_

_Zayn wanted to tell Liam the truth._

_Wanted to tell Liam that it meant everything, but then he remembered Louis._

_How he was bloody and on the floor. He remembered Harry crying._

_He didn't want that to be Liam. He didn't want to see Liam like that, bloodied and on the floor._

_Zayn could take it, but he could never see Liam like that._

_"It meant nothing," Zayn said, looking directly into Liam's warm brown eyes. "It meant nothing. You go to your girlfriend and I'll go to mine,"_

_Liam let go of Zayn's jaw._

_"That's really what you want?" Liam asked him. Zayn saw Liam's eyes gloss over, but Liam blinked it away._

_Zayn nodded, clenching his teeth. "I hope we can still be good friends,"_

_Liam looked down at Zayn's lips and for a second Zayn thought he would kiss him._

_Zayn wanted Liam to kiss him, one last time._

_But he didn't. "Sure," Liam muttered, pushing past Zayn and opening the door. He didn't look back._

_He just left the room, slamming the door behind him, making Zayn flinch._

_Zayn fell onto his bed, closing his eyes, forcing himself not to cry._

_Some people aren't meant to be together._

_That's what he told himself, anyway.  
_

"Jesus Christ," Liam muttered. "Every time Harry and Louis are in the same room it gets so intense," 

Zayn took his jacket off and tossed it on Liam's armchair. "I mean things ended really badly between them," he said. "Like, really badly,"

"You weren't even there when they did," Liam said, before he could stop himself. Zayn flinched a little, but kept his composure. 

"I know," Zayn said. "It's just obvious,"

"You weren't there for a lot," Liam said hotly. The atmosphere changed suddenly. 

Zayn narrowed his eyes at Liam. "Are we still talking about Louis and Harry?" he asked. 

Liam pushed his hair out of his face. "You tell me, Zayn. You were the one who left without any reason, any goodbye, any--"

"Can we not do this right now?" Zayn interrupted loudly. 

"When are we gonna do this, then?" Liam said. "Are we just never going to talk about it?"

"About what?" Zayn said, exasperated. "I left the band. It was too much for me, for my mental health, a--"

"I don't care that you left the band, Zayn! You left without telling me anything. You were hurting for months, and you never told me how you felt! I thought we were friends!"

Zayn couldn't find his voice.

Liam moved closer. "You could've called. After you left. You could've said something. Ever since you had broken up with me, I thought we were pretty good friends, until you just fucking left and didn't even think of telling me first,"

"There has to be a fucking relationship for there to be a breakup, Liam," Zayn muttered. 

Liam winced. "Then why?" he whispered. "If there was nothing to begin with, what changed? You said you wanted to be friends, and then you--"

"I didn't tell anyone!" Zayn yelled, throwing his keys to the wall. "It wasn't just you!"

"After everything, I thought that maybe just maybe you would consider telling me." Liam seethed. "I wanted you in my life! I didn't care if we were just friends, all I w-"

"I did!" Zayn screamed. "I cared, Liam! I was sick of pretending to be your friend! I wanted you back but I could never have you so I fucking left without telling you!"

Liam stared at Zayn, his eyes red. "What?" he breathed. 

"I wanted you back," Zayn repeated. 

Liam covered his face with his hands. "You could've said something," he said. 

"No, I couldn't. I pushed you away. I had no right to ask for you back," Zayn let out. "I wasn't happy, I was in this dark place and I didn't want you in there with me," 

Liam brought his hand up, resting it on Zayn's cheek. "You could've called,"

Zayn shook his head, holding Liam's wrist. "I couldn't afford to miss you,"

"And it worked didn't it?" Liam asked, his voice high. "You didn't miss me?"

"What do you think, Liam?"

Liam took Zayn in, his glistening brown eyes, his sharp jawline, his red lips.

He leaned in, brushing his lips against Zayn's, but Zayn stepped backward, falling back onto the bed. He touched his lips with two fingers. 

"Wait," Zayn gasped out. 

Liam closed his eyes. "What?"

"I-I don't-" Zayn stuttered. "Where do we go from here?"

"Where do you want to go?" Liam asked, kneeling down next to Zayn. 

"These past few days, Liam, have been amazing. I just want you in my life. I know that now. And I think, for now at least, we should be friends,"

Liam pursed his lips, then nodded. The contract, their girlfriends, it was all too much, too soon. 

"Friends?" Zayn asked, sticking his hand out. 

Liam grasped it firmly, nodding his head. 

"Friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably won't be doing any more Ziam for a while now bc the Larry storyline is about to get WAY more intense! 
> 
> Also, I'm just kind of playing around with Ziam and letting readers decide. Should Ziam be endgame?
> 
> Please keep the comments coming, I love them <3


	14. part 14

Harry's heart was pounding. 

A week after whatever the fuck that was with Louis, Simon announced that the album looked ready. They spent an entire night going over the songs and re-recording anything that needed re-recording. 

It was ready. There was no denying it. And it was really fucking good. 

Simon declared that they would start the tour in two weeks. Once the music video was filmed and the album pictures were taken, they would do a few interviews and press conferences, and kick off the tour. 

It was all happening so fast. Granted, it had been a month since Harry stepped foot inside this building, but it felt too fast. 

"Alright, Harry, how about you stand in the middle of Louis and Zayn, Liam you can stand to the other side of Zayn and Niall to the other side of Louis," 

Zayn smiled as Liam took his spot next to him. 

Harry smoothed his shirt out and stood in between Louis and Zayn. His arm subconsciously wrapped itself around Louis' waist. 

Louis tensed up but didn't move. Harry felt Zayn put his arm on his shoulder. 

Harry could smell Louis, breathe Louis in. He could feel the small dip of Louis' waist where his hand was resting. 

He remembered that night in his room, Louis on top of him, biting at his neck and moaning loudly. 

He took a deep, shuddered breath. Why was he thinking about that? Right now?

"Alright, boys! Smile, smolder, whatever you want! Just make it look good!" The photographer boomed, before positioning himself in front of the camera. 

The cameras flashed numerous times, and Harry felt himself clutching at Louis' waist tighter. Louis shifted in discomfort, but Harry didn't let go. 

He was angry. After that mountain of emotions Louis dropped on him, he couldn't figure out how he felt, until he realized that the only emotion he felt was anger. 

Louis refused to even look at him after the incident. 

And Harry felt like he deserved an explanation. He couldn't believe himself for letting Louis walk all over him, tell him he was suicidal, fuck him, and then act like nothing happened. 

Harry dug his nails into Louis' waist through his clothes, imitating what he did that night. 

Louis drew in a sharp breath, exhaling slowly. 

"Louis, everything okay?" The photographer asked. 

Harry dug his nails in harder, forcing Louis closer to him, when Louis shoved his hand off and took a step forward, 

"I-I," Louis rubbed his forehead. "I need some air," 

Simon rolled his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Quickly, Louis, for Christ's sake."

Louis stormed off the set, breathing heavily. 

Harry went after him, despite Niall's efforts to stop him. 

Harry found Louis in the empty lobby, lighting a cigarette. "You ready to talk now?" Harry thundered, walking right up to him. 

"Leave me the fuck alone, Harry," Louis spat, taking a long drag from his cigarette. 

"You don't get to tell me I was the reason you almost died, and then not explain why," Harry said, shoving Louis up against the wall. 

"You really don't know?" Louis asked him. "You really can't think of anything you did that would drive me to kill myself?"

"No, funnily enough," Harry answered. "I fucking don't. You fucking messed up, Louis. You broke our fucking relationship, you hurt m--"

"You wanna see what you did to me?" Louis asked. "You wanna see how you hurt me? Because I can fucking guarantee you, Harry, whatever the fuck you think I did to you, it's nothing compared to what you did to me,"

"Yeah?" Harry asked, watching Louis put the cigarette between his red lips. "What the fuck did I do, then?"

Louis pulled his sleeve up, exposing his forearm to Harry. Then, without warning, he pressed the cigarette into his skin, making a sickening sizzling noise. 

Harry yelped in surprise, grabbing Louis' wrist and flinging the cigarette to the floor. 

"What. The. Fuck," he whispered, pressing Louis' wrist to the wall. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Showing you," Louis said simply. "Nothing hurts anymore, Harry. I can't feel anything, anymore. You think I broke our relationship? You fucking broke me," 

"You're a psychopath," Harry deadpanned, holding onto Louis' wrist tighter. "You're a fucking psychopath,"

"Whatever I am, Harry, you made me this way," Louis said, putting his finger inside Harry's belt loop and pulling him closer. 

"Ever since I got here, you've been making it worse. When do I get to make it worse for you?" 

"Stop," Harry choked out, his face barely an inch away from Louis'. "Stop blaming this shit on me. You did this to yourself,"

"Fuck you, Harry," Louis grunted, putting his face in the crook of Harry's neck. "You ruined me. Now I'll ruin you," 

Harry tried to move away, put Louis pulled him back harshly, making Harry wince. "What the fuck do you want?" Harry hissed. 

"I want you to hurt like I did. I want you to suffer like I did. And I will make you suffer like I did. You've fucked with me one too many times, Harry," Louis said. 

"You can fucking try," Harry said, finally freeing himself from Louis. 

"That night, Harry?" Louis asked, tucking his lighter in his pocket. "That night was just the beginning. You don't know what I'm capable of. You don't know how much I can hurt you,"

Harry's eyes fell onto the fresh burn mark on Louis' skin. 

"You don't know how much I want to hurt you," Louis whispered. 

Harry shuddered involuntarily. "Do what you want, Louis. I'm not fucking scared of you." 

Niall suddenly ran inside the room. "Simon is angry as fuck," he panted. "What the fuck is taking you so long?"

Harry shot Louis a look, then followed Niall back into the room. 

_September 2012_

_Harry and Louis were kept under constant supervision. They weren't allowed to be in any rooms alone._

_Harry had started going out with Taylor Swift, one of the biggest pop stars in the world. She was beautiful, successful, rich. She was perfect._

_Louis would see them together, walking in and out of the studio, Harry planting soft kisses on her lips, when Harry hadn't kissed him in months._

_There were countless evenings when Harry would be with Taylor and Louis would be with Eleanor, but they were thinking about each other._

_It hurt. It hurt so much._

_Taylor was amazing, but Harry's heart belonged to someone else._

_Harry realized that he was selfish for wanting Louis. He kept thinking of Louis, on the floor, bruised and bloody, and realized that he couldn't be with Louis._

_He couldn't do that to Louis._

_He would stare at Louis across the room, exchange longing glances during interviews, but it never went past that._

_It was late at night, and Harry was in his room with Niall. They were one room short, so Simon coupled Harry with Niall._

_Niall's phone rang loudly, making both Harry and Niall jump. He grunted and got up to answer it._

_"Hello?" he said sleepily._

_"Niall," he heard Louis' voice on the other line, desperate and frantic. "Niall, can you switch with me and come into my room instead, just for today?"_

_"Um," Niall furrowed his brows. "Why? Is everything okay?"_

_"Please," Louis said, sounding desperate again. "Simon is out today. I need to see him, Niall. I need to talk to him,"_

_Niall paled, remembering Simon beating Louis up again. "Louis, I don't think that's a--"_

_"Please," Louis whimpered. "Please."_

_Niall closed his eyes, thinking. "Fine," he decided. How could he say no? "Fine, I'm coming,"_

_Harry gave Niall a quizzical look. "I'll be back," Niall lied, slipping out of the door quietly._

_He tiptoed down the hall to Louis' room, knocking softly. The door flung open, Louis standing there, his hair messy and eyes red, a cigarette hanging from his mouth._

_Niall widened his eyes a little."Woah, you look--"_

_Louis put the cigarette out on the wall. "Thanks, Niall," he interrupted, giving Niall a quick hug. "I owe you one,"_

_"Yeah, you're-" Louis pushed past him quickly, shoving Niall into the room and closing the door. "Welcome," Niall finished, sighing loudly. He hoped he didn't make a mistake._

_Louis whizzed down the hall, knocking on Harry's door quietly. Harry opened the door, wearing just his boxers. "Niall, whe-"_

_His voice left his throat when he saw Louis standing there instead. "Can I come in?" Louis asked._

_Harry felt a knot in his throat. "You can't," he whispered, even though all he wanted was for Louis to come in._

_"Harry," Louis plead, his eyes getting redder. "Harry, I love--"_

_"Stop," Harry said. "Stop, Louis, you can't--"_

_Louis forced his way inside, closing the door. He reached his hand up to touch Harry's face, trailing his finger along Harry's face and down to his lips._

_He ran his thumb along Harry's bottom lip, watching Harry breathe slowly. "I missed you," Louis whispered._

_Louis wrapped his arms around Harry, feeling Harry's bare chest on his clothes. He leaned the side of his face on Harry's shoulder, feeling Harry's heartbeat._

_Harry stood there for a minute, his arms hanging loosely at his sides. Did he want to risk it? Did he want to risk everything for one night with Louis?_

_He looked down, seeing Louis' face against his skin, and suddenly, he didn't care anymore._

_He hugged Louis back, holding his small body in his arms._

_Louis kissed Harry's chest, tugging at the skin softly with his teeth. Harry groaned and grabbed Louis' hair. It had been too long._

_He had missed everything about Louis, their late-night talks, Louis' sweet kisses, and his dirty ones._

_He picked Louis up, Louis wrapping his legs easily around Harry's waist and wrapping his arms around Harry's neck._

_Harry attacked Louis' lips with his own, pushing Louis against the wall. Louis moaned into the kiss; to him the wetness of Harry's tongue was like water to a man dying of thirst._

Harry held Louis there with one hand, the other pulling Louis shirt off. 

_He attached their lips again, grinding his erection up into Louis' ass._

_"I love you," Louis muttered, every time they broke the kiss. "I love you. So much,"_

_Harry squeezed Louis' ass gently, grunting and moaning into Louis' mouth. "God, I love you too."_

_They both had no idea when they would be alone with each other after that night. They just made the most of it, holding each other close._

_Eventually, they went to sleep. Harry kissed Louis' eyelids and hugged him from behind, kissing every square inch of Louis' skin that he could find._

_Louis muttered praises to Harry sleepily, both of them falling into a deep sleep._

_They were awakened by loud pounding on the door._

_Louis jolted up in bed, his eyes darting to the alarm clock._

_They had slept in. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

_Harry opened his eyes sleepily, watching Louis put his clothes on frantically._

_"Fuck," Louis whimpered, his eyes tearing up._

_Harry scrambled out of bed, too. "What's wrong? Louis--"_

_Another loud knock._

_"Open the fucking door!" A loud voice boomed from the other side._

_Harry's heart sunk into his stomach._

_Simon was at the door._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how it was! Love you all <3


	15. part 15

The album was released. It was out. The music video was out, too. 

Just like that, it was almost 2013 again. One Direction was topping each and every chart, worldwide. They were on Billboards, everywhere, media outlets everywhere were losing their fucking minds. 

And the Directioners. 

Nobody knew how the Directioners were still alive. It was crazy. 

They had gotten requests from every single talk show; Ellen, Jimmy Fallon, James Corden. Plus dozens and dozens of interview requests. 

The boys hadn't made a public appearance yet. Simon and Philip were figuring out which interviews to do and which ones to skip. 

Harry wasn't sure how to act around Louis in public. If he was too friendly, fans would immediately start shipping them again, which meant the PR team would make their life hell. 

Again. 

If they were too awkward, fans will notice the tension. 

It was a lose-lose situation, unless Harry could find a safe middle-ground, which seemed impossible. 

He grabbed a pillow and put it over his head, half-hoping he would suffocate. 

Every single time he was on his bed, he kept remembering that night.

He couldn't get Louis out of his head in the first place, and then they had sex, and now he DEFINITELY couldn't get Louis out of his head. 

He remembered Louis pressing the cigarette onto his hand, the sick sound of his skin burning. 

Harry shivered. 

What had he turned Louis into? 

The phone on his bedside table rang loudly, startling him. He took the pillow off his head and answered it, his voice gruff. 

"Hello?"

"Harry, meet me in the studio. I've called the other boys, too." Simon's voice ordered from the other end. 

"Yeah, okay," Harry said, rubbing his eyes. He hung up and got up tiredly, not sure if he was ready to see Louis again. 

When they were all gathered in the studio, Simon addressed them seriously. 

"This week, we are going to do interviews and press conferences. I've had our representatives talk to the interviewers and request them not to ask any inappropriate or personal questions, but in the end, they can ask what they want. How you guys answer, however, is something I can control,"

Harry exhaled, almost rolling his eyes. Here we go again. 

"Any questions about relationships within the five of you, you will flat-out deny or ignore. No fucking stuttering or vague answers. Just deny."

Louis clenched his jaw tightly. 

"Have I made myself clear?" Simon asked. 

The boys nodded, most of them looking at either Harry or Louis. 

"The first interview will be with James Corden. We will then move on to Jimmy Fallon, do a couple press conferences with iHeartRadio and a few Buzzfeed interviews." Philip continued, taking over Simon. 

Zayn furrowed his brows. "Those are all in America," he said. 

"The first leg of the tour is in America. We're heading there tonight," Philip answered. 

The boys exchanged eye contact with each other. Liam sucked his cheeks in. 

"That's not a problem, I hope?" Philip said, narrowing his eyes. 

"It's just," Niall began, watching Philip's gaze intensify. "Um, we have to, like, pack our things, and we have to, I mean-"

"It's 9 in the morning," Philip interrupted rudely. "The flight leaves at 10 PM. We leave for the airport at 8. That gives you 11 hours to pack your things, visit your house or any family, and get ready."

"We were just hoping to get a bit of a heads up, and maybe someone could have let us known before instead of the day we're leaving," Harry said, boldly. 

Philip exchanged looks with Simon and then sucked his cheeks in. "We're leaving tonight. Pack your things. I'll meet you in front of the studio at 8 PM,"

And he left without another word. 

Louis was in his car, heading towards his loft. He had finished packing, and just had a few things to take care of at home first. 

He adjusted his hat on his face to make sure he wasn't recognized and jogged up to his front door, ringing the bell. 

Eleanor answered almost immediately. "Babe! I missed you!" 

She threw herself at him, squeezing him in a tight hug. He inhaled her too-sweet perfume, trying not to cough. 

"I miss you too," he said dismissively. "Where's Freddie?"

She pulled away and huffed. "He's watching TV with the nanny," she said. 

"You got the nanny?" Louis asked, to which Eleanor nodded. "I said no nannies, Eleanor," 

"I'm sorry!" She said, throwing her hands up. "Lottie wasn't around when I called, and you know I don't have time to take care of a four year old right now,"

"My son," Louis clarified, trying not to raise his voice. 

Eleanor sighed. "When is Brianna flying in to pick him up? It's been a week, babe, and I want some alone time with you,"

Louis kept thinking of Harry carrying Freddie up the stairs, for some reason, so he shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. 

He stepped inside, watching her close the door. "Actually, we're headed to America tonight. I'm just going to take him with me, and I'll drop him off at Brianna's myself,"

Eleanor laughed, following Louis into the living room. 

"What's so funny?" Louis asked.

Eleanor's laughter died out instantly, her expression turning stone cold. "You're not--you're not serious,"

Freddie spotted Louis as soon as he stepped into the living room, leaping off the couch and jumping into Louis' arms. 

Louis laughed and ruffled his hair. 

"Daddy!" Freddie squealed, giggling. 

Louis turned his attention to the nanny, who was sitting on the couch. "You can leave now," he said, being blunt. 

She looked at Eleanor, who nodded reluctantly. The nanny got her purse and left. 

"I'm serious," Louis said. "You ready to fly to mommy's house with Daddy?" Louis asked Freddie, ruffling his hair again. 

"You mean in an airplane?" Freddie asked, his eyes wide. 

"Yes, baby," Louis cooed. "Go upstairs, gather your stuff! Daddy's gonna come in a little bit,"

"You are NOT going to America," Eleanor declared, as soon as Freddie left. "Absolutely not! You've been out for months, I haven't been able to spend any time with you, and you've turned me into a babysitter!"

"He's my son," Louis said loudly. "He's my son, Eleanor. You should love him as much as you love me, if not more,"

"There's no one I love more than you," Eleanor said, reaching for Louis' face, but he swatted her hand away. 

"I'm sick of you treating Freddie like a burden," He spat out angrily. 

"He wasn't even planned," Eleanor said, her voice burning. "You had him with some random hook up and the only reason she had him was for fame, money, and attention--"

"Even if that was true," Louis seethed. "That's not his fault. He's my son, and I am taking him to America tonight--"

"Harry's going to be in the same flight as your son! Ever thought of that? What if he hurts Freddie?" Eleanor yelled. 

"Stop acting like you care about what happens to Freddie," Louis hissed. "You're just against Harry,"

"Aren't you?" Eleanor questioned, her face red from yelling. 

"Yes, I am, and as much as I hate that fucker, he won't hurt Freddie. I'm not discussing this any more. We're leaving, and we're leaving tonight."

He pushed past her before she could say anything, running upstairs to get his son. 

Harry was standing outside the studio, Zayn next to him. Niall and Liam were with Simon, going over the flight details and hotel reservations. 

Zayn lit a cigarette and blew the smoke out slowly. He held the pack out to Harry. 

"Want one?"

Harry, once again, remembered Louis burning himself with one. He shook his head quickly. 

Zayn shrugged and put it into his back pocket. 

"So," Harry said, leaning on his suitcase. "'I guess we 'never really talked', huh?"

Zayn blew some more smoke out, turning a little pink. "I was in a bad place," he said quickly. "I said shit I didn't mean,"

Harry cracked a small smile. "I know, I was kidding. You could've talked to us, though."

"I realize that now," Zayn said, looking at Liam, who suddenly laughed very loudly at something Niall said. 

Harry followed his gaze but didn't say anything, wrapping his arm around Zayn and giving him a small pat on the shoulder. 

Louis' car suddenly pulled up in the parking lot. He stepped outside hurriedly. "I know I'm late," he said, opening the back door. "This little boy took twenty minutes deciding what shoes he wants to wear,"

Niall and Liam headed back, smiling widely as they watched little Freddie hop out of the car. 

"Harry!" Freddie yelled instantly, making a beeline towards Harry. He jumped into Harry's arms, taking him by surprise. 

"Woah!" Harry said, holding him up. "Did you get taller?"

Freddie giggled, clapping his small hands together. Louis pressed his lips together tightly, avoiding eye contact with Harry and quietly unloading his suitcases from the trunk. 

"Alright!" Simon yelled, getting everyone's attention. "Everyone get in the bus! We're heading straight towards the airport, where the private jet is parked. We'll be in America by 2:00 PM PST."  


"The interviews will begin the very next day," Philip finished. 

Louis took a deep breath, forgetting how hectic and tiring going on tour was. 

For the fans. 

It was for the fans. 

The fans were everything. 

They loaded into the bus, Freddie never leaving Harry's lap, Louis' eyes never leaving Harry. 

Even on the jet, Freddie insisted that he stay with Harry. He would sit on Harry's lap, playing with Harry's hair and jewelry, marveling at his baby blue nails and asking Harry to paint his nails one day. 

Louis didn't know how to feel.

The monster that came to life every time Louis saw Harry purred when Harry was with his son. 

Louis wanted to believe Harry was a bad person, wanted to believe that Harry would hate his son because Harry hated him. 

Louis breathed in shakily. 

Harry being nice to Freddie didn't change the terrible things he did to Louis. Freddie would forget about him once they got to Brianna's. He would have to. 

He looked over once again, and saw Freddie asleep on Harry's chest. Harry was asleep too, one large hand on Freddie's back, and the other hand hanging loosely at his side. 

Louis got up, going to the bathroom. It was too much, all at once. 

He leaned over the sink, taking long, shuddering breaths. He didn't know what he was feeling, all he knew was that he was just feeling. 

Feeling more emotion than he had ever felt in the past five years.

He thought he would always be cold and numb, but seeing Freddie with Harry lit a fire in his heart, a fire that melted the ice but burned him at the same time. 

He wiped the tears that fell out of his blue eyes, trying to collect himself. 

He had to get past this. He tried to forget, tried to live his life, but Harry haunted him every day, every night. 

There was only one way for Louis to finally be at peace. 

Once Freddie was home, Louis would stay true to his promise. 

The cold tears slowly turned red-hot ones of anger. 

Harry would suffer. 

Louis would make him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you guys so much! Thank you for 4K!
> 
> Please leave comments, I love reading them!


	16. part 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: You guys actually have no idea how much your comments mean to me. Those of you who take a few seconds to leave a comment literally make my whole ass day. (please don't stop i love you)
> 
> I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!!
> 
> This chapter features an imaginary episode from the James Corden show. I made it a bit similar to the real one, using the Jonas Brothers episode for inspiration, but I basically created the episode, so it's pretty different from his standard ones.
> 
> Another warning: Harry and Louis' relationship gets REALLY TOXIC due to their past trauma, in case you didn't already notice! If that triggers you, then please read carefully!

"Welcome back to the Late Late Show with James Corden!" James boomed to his audience, which was almost a frightening sight to look at. 

Crazed fangirls were holding posters, screaming the names of various One Direction members, some sobbing, others already on the floor, overcome with emotion. 

"As I speak, One Direction is getting kidnapped, from their respective hotel rooms. In this episode, we're going to combine their kidnapping with an escape room!"

The crowd screamed once more.

"Once the boys learn to set aside their differences, work together, and successfully make it out of the room, they will be led to THIS. VERY. STAGE!" 

The fangirls went wild, unable to believe they would see their idols in a matter of hours. 

"Now, girls, I will be right back. As you can see here," the screen lit up, with the video of a dark room. There were five chairs tied together, each of the members in one chair, their backs facing each other. There was a black sack on each of their heads, their hands duct-taped to the back of their chairs.

"This is a livestream of the boys!" James announced, struggling to make himself heard over the screams. "I will go down their myself, explain the rules, and be right back!"

James disappeared backstage as the roar of the audience filled the room. 

He descended down a flight of stairs and reached the room he was keeping the boys "hostage."

"Alright," he said, entering the room and closing the door. "The livestream has already started, but it's on mute for now. I'm going to unmute on the count of three, alright?"

The boys nodded, because there was nothing else they could really do. They had gone over the script, which actually included a lot of improvising. Most of the episode would be unscripted. 

"One, two, three!" James said, and the livestream was unmuted. 

"Well, well, well," James said, immediately getting into character. He snatched the bags off their head roughly. 

They all squinted. 

"You all know why you're here," James continued, twirling a piece of Harry's hair around his finger. "It's time for you guys to work your shit out,"

"But how a-" Zayn started. 

"Quiet!" James yelled. He grabbed a bucket of water from the table and splashed it onto them, making them hiss in protest. 

Louis blinked the water out of his eyes, coughing and sputtering. 

"This is what's going to happen," James declared. "You will be put into two separate escape rooms, one with two people and one with three. Once you boys open those rooms, you will be led to a joint room, which you also have to escape,"

"So there's gonna be two rounds?" Niall asked, spitting water out of his mouth. 

"That's right Niall," James said. He gestured towards the bodyguards, five muscular, tall men lined up against the wall. "It's time, boys."

Each guy went for one member, putting the sack back on their head and untying them from their chairs. 

Harry felt himself being led up a flight of stairs, trying not to trip. He felt footsteps behind him, probably the other boys. 

He felt his hands getting duct-taped and then got shoved into the room. He fell flat on his bottom, wincing. 

He heard the thud of someone else, and then a familiar, "Watch it, will you?"

Oh no. 

He hoped desperately for a third person to come in, praying it wasn't just the two of them. 

But of course, no one came. 

James' voice crackled on the loudspeaker. "The fans in the audience picked the teams, so you have them to thank for you partner/ partners!" 

Harry almost groaned. Of course the fangirls did this. 

"Best of luck to you all!" James said, and the speaker turned off. 

Harry cleared his throat. Although the bag was still over his head, he knew there were cameras all over the room, streaming everything that was happening directly to the audience. 

"Um," Harry started. "Well, we got to get these things off our head, first, and the stuff off our wrists,"

Louis nodded, then realized that Harry couldn't see him. "Right," he said, his voice hoarse. "Just-just try to find me,"

Harry scooted closer to Louis' voice, his back finally bumping into Louis'. He grabbed Louis' hands with his, and Louis almost whimpered. 

Yes, whimpered. If he could slap himself, he would. 

Harry moved his fingers, trying to take apart the duct tape on Louis' hands. He finally got it, taking the duct-tape off with a lot of difficulty and squirming. 

Louis' hands broke free, and he instantly took the black bag off, ruffling his own hair. 

He went in front of Harry, taking his sack off too. He gazed at him for a moment, then moved on to free Harry's hands. 

"Thanks," Harry said timidly, eyeing the cameras, which were in each corner of the room. 

"Yeah," Louis said, licking his lips involuntarily. 

Jesus. Harry wondered if Louis was doing that on purpose, because it was, and definitely still is, one of Harry's biggest turn ons. 

Harry cleared his throat, rolling up his sleeves to expose his forearms. "You check that side of the room, and I'll check this one, got it?"

"Don't tell me what to do," Louis snapped, before he could stop himself. 

He mentally slapped himself. Harry let out a forced laugh, and was soon joined by Louis. 

They were so getting yelled at by Philip and Simon. 

Louis walked to the other side of the room quickly. "There's something behind this painting, Harry," he said, almost immediately. 

Harry ran over to where he was, taking the painting off the wall, revealing a bright pink post-it note taped to the wall. "It's some sort of code,"

Louis looked around quickly, his eyes falling on a safe by the fireplace. "There!" he said, dragging Harry down to it as well. 

"35982," Harry read out, watching Louis punch the numbers in. The safe popped open, revealing an index card inside. 

"Complete the lyric," Louis read. "So kiss me where I lay down, My hands press to your cheeks, A long way from the playground, I've loved you since we were-"

"16," Harry said, just as Louis said "18."

Fuck. 

Harry paled. "18. I meant 18," he said frantically, trying to play it off as a mistake. 

Louis forced out another laugh. "Dumbass," he said, his voice faltering slightly. 

They were going to be in so much trouble. Harry could feel it. Of all the lyrics James could've picked, he really had to pick that one?

Louis bit his lip nervously. "Where do we go from here?" he said softly. 

_Louis kissed Harry's neck softly, then leaned his forehead against Harry's. "What does this make us?" he asked seriously. "Where do we go from here?"_

_"Where do we go from here?"_

Harry stared at Louis for a minute before Louis snapped his fingers in his face. 

"What?" Harry asked, blinking. What was wrong with him?

"I said, where do we go from here? What does 18 unlock?" Louis repeated, waving the index card in his face. 

"That," Harry said, coming to a realization. There was a mini slide in the corner of the room, with a locker next to it. Playground. 

The locker had a key, along with a note that said: "Congratulations on completing the first round. It was supposed to be extremely easy, so don't get excited. Good luck completing the second one, though."

"We did it!" Harry said, ignoring the part where it says it was supposed to be easy. 

"We did it!" Louis repeated, smiling. 

Harry went into hug him, without thinking. It was just his response. 

Louis hugged him back without hesitating. He forgot what it felt like, to be smiling and hugging Harry, without any bad intentions or any weird tension. 

And this was his excuse to do it, and probably the last time he could. 

Harry lifted Louis off the ground slightly, then put him down and pulled away.

"Shall we?" Louis said, his smile faltering a little, gesturing towards the door. 

"Yeah," Harry said, knowing this was one of the only time he would ever see Louis smile at him. "Yeah, let's go."

"What the fuck," Simon yelled. "What the fuck was that?"

The rest of the escape room and interview had gone surprisingly smooth, but Directioners caught on to Harry's "16" extremely quickly. 

History was indeed repeating itself. And Simon was not going to let it. 

"I-I'm sorry," Harry stuttered, rubbing his forehead. "I just- I blurted it out, I didn't know-"

"You didn't _know_?" Simon repeated. "You didn't _know_?"

"It's not a big deal!" Harry said. "It could've meant anything,"

"The whole point," Simon seethed angrily, "Was to make sure this Larry bullshit wasn't supposed to get started again. And guess what? You started it again."

"I didn't--"

"What if he did it on purpose?" Louis said, taking everyone by surprise. 

Harry whipped his head towards him. "Excuse me?"

"What are the odds of him 'blurting' out 16 instead of 18 in front of LIVE television?" Louis said, narrowing his eyes at Harry. 

Harry laughed bitterly. "Nice fucking try, Louis,"

"I'm being fucking serious. You're always weird when Eleanor's around. You're always trying to cozy up with Freddie. You're doing this on purpose,"

Harry was at a loss for words. "Doing _what_ on purpose, exactly? You really th--"

"He has a point," Philip said coldly. Harry saw Louis give him a small smirk. 

"This is _ridiculous_ ," Harry gasped. "Like _I'm_ the one with a history for fucking up on camera," he said, making Louis wince. "Ring a bell, Louis?"

Louis squeezed his eyes shut. Harry had never brought that night up again until now. 8 years later. 

"Did you or did you not say 16 on purpose, Harry?" Philip demanded. 

"I didn't," Harry said firmly. Louis just shook his head in response. 

"Unfortunately," Philip muttered. "I'm afraid I don't believe you," 

Harry couldn't believe what was happening. Louis knew it was an accident. 

"You are dangerously close to breaking the contract, which is legally binding. You are entering dangerous territory, Mr. Styles," Philip continued. 

Harry swallowed dryly. "It was an accident,"

"You're the one who brought up Louis' little _mishap_ all those years ago. You do remember what happened to Louis after, right?"

Louis clenched his jaw, looking at the floor. Harry felt his blood boil. "How do you even know wha-"

"In Louis' case, it wasn't even on live television," Philip interrupted loudly. "In Louis' case, we didn't have thousands of Directioners retweeting it and analyzing it,"

He walked closer to Harry, who took multiple steps back. "And the punishment was still somewhat...severe."

Harry's eyes flickered to Louis', almost pleadingly. Louis's eyes shot to the floor again. 

"Are you fucking threatening me?" Harry choked out. "Because I'm not scared of a fucking--"

Philip grabbed Harry's arm and twisted it, pinning it to his back, making Simon huff in approval. 

Harry gave a strangled cry, feeling something snap in his wrist. Louis felt a wall of guilt rising but pushed it down, clenching and unclenching his fists. 

Harry deserved this. 

"I would be," Philip said. "I would be very scared." He pushed Harry's hand deeper into his back, making Harry see stars. "Honestly, did you boys really not learn anything from the first time?"

"Louis," Harry muttered defeatedly, his breathing labored. Louis bit his lip so hard it started bleeding. 

"Your boyfriend isn't going to save you," Philip spat. "It seems he's at least learned something. And if you haven't," he dropped Harry's arm, making Harry gasp in pain, clutching his arm tightly. 

"It's my job to teach you." 

"This will not happen again," Simon ordered. "Keep yourselves in check. I'm your manager, not your fucking dad,"

Simon and Philip left the room, leaving Louis and Harry alone. 

Harry looked at Louis through hot tears, cradling his injured arm. 

"It's really going to be like this?" Harry asked, keeping his burning gaze on Louis. 

Louis nodded. "You hurt me."

"And this makes it better?" Harry asked. 

Louis swallowed the lump in his throat and stormed out of the room, unable to bear the look in Harry's eyes any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LEAVE A COMMENT THANKS :))


	17. part 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/n: I AM SO SORRY. I have been so so busy, especially since school started and we're having online classes. I literally had so much work to do ahhhh. Sorry again!
> 
> I'm totally ok, for those of you checking in :). Love you guys so muchh.
> 
> Here's part 17, SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE!

_"OPEN UP!" The knocking got louder, Simon pounding on the door relentlessly._

_Louis began to tear up, shuddering slightly. "H-harry," he gasped out, clenching his hands into fists. "Harry, help me, I can't--"_

__

_"NOW!" Simon screamed, making Harry jump. He swallowed nervously, his heart pounding, and went to open the door._

__

_Simon looked livid. Behind him was Niall, his blue eyes wide and shiny._

__

_Simon's eyes flickered to Louis, who was standing in the back of the room._

__

_"Move, Harry," he said, calmly. "Step aside, please."_

__

_"No," Harry pleaded, refusing to move out of the doorway. "Simon, just let it go--"_

__

_"Now, Harry, please," Simon said, glaring at Louis._

_"Simo--" Simon shoved Harry to the side harshly, storming inside the room and grabbing Louis' arm, dragging him out of the room._

_Louis started protesting, his hands shaking._

_"Simon!" Harry yelled, running after him, blocking the way. Niall followed him, trying not to panic. "Simon, where are you taking him?"_

_"None of your business," Simon grunted, tightening his hold on Louis. "Now get out of--"_

_"It was my fault," Harry choked out. "I basically forced him out of his room, he begged me not to, but I had to see him, Simon,"_

_Louis squinted his tear-filled eyes at Harry. Niall stopped dead in his tracks._

_"I made Niall switch with him, I begged Louis to stay the night because I knew you would be away," Harry continued. "It wasn't his fault Simon, he kept on saying no."_

_Simon dropped Louis' arm harshly. "Really?" he asked Harry._

_Harry nodded, ignoring Louis, who was shaking his head slightly._

_"Here's what's going to happen, then," Simon grunted. "Harry, you're not going to the cruise. You're going to stay right here in the studio and work. The rest of the boys will go without you."_

_Harry's heart dropped. The boys had planned a small, one week cruise to the Caribbean as a break from all the work they'd been doing._

_It would've been Harry's first vacation in three years._

_"And since Harry isn't going, you have an extra ticket, no?" Simon said. "Why don't you take Eleanor, Louis?"_

_Louis knew it wasn't a suggestion. It was an order. Simon was a sadist._

_Harry felt a wave of nausea roll over him, making him rest his hand on the wall for support._

_"Harry," Louis said, almost begging. "Harry, you don't have to do this."_

_Harry ignored him, his breathing labored._

_"Yes, he does," Simon said cheerfully. "Niall, Louis, start packing and tell Zayn and Liam to do the same. Harry, follow me."_

_Louis reached out to touch him, but Harry shook his head slowly and went after Simon, exhaling slowly._

_Louis turned around and stared at Niall for a moment, before falling into his arms and crying quietly into his shoulder, Niall rubbing his back gently._

It was the first day of the tour. 

They were going to be performing at the Staples Center tonight. Of course, they were completely sold out, not just for their LA performance, but for all their performances worldwide. 

They'd be having three concerts a week, and that was just for the US leg of the tour. 

Louis' head spun just thinking about it. 

He remembered the fans, though, especially at the James Corden show. The fans made everything worth it. 

Louis loved that he could put a smile on so many faces, wishing he had that power with his own. 

They were all in a small room backstage, three hours before the concert began. 

Louis was singing his solo under his breath, his fingers tapping the table nervously. 

Yes, Harry had let him have solos. In all the songs, actually. Even though Harry had planned to give Louis barely any lines, he relented. 

He couldn't do that to Louis. And he hated himself for it. 

Louis' soft voice vibrated through Harry's ears, and Harry forgot how beautiful Louis sounded until now. 

Harry winced uncomfortably as he moved his hand, which was now bandaged. He had a mild sprain from when Philip had grabbed him. 

That was enough to make him forget about Louis' voice and go back to hating him. 

When there was one hour left, Harry left the dressing room, where they were doing hair and makeup. Louis was the first one to finish getting ready, and he had left the room around fifteen minutes before Harry did. 

Harry peered outside at the arena. Fans were filing, the arena already half-full. They were holding posters and pictures, chattering excitedly. 

Harry's eyes fell on a poster that said FREE LARRY! with a picture of him and Louis. 

He closed his eyes sharply and turned around. 

Suddenly, he heard soft whimpering and groaning coming from the back corner. 

"What the-" he moved towards the sound, finding someone curled up on the floor, panting and gasping for air. 

"Louis?" Harry said. His first thought was to lunge towards Louis and cradle him in his arms, but the sharp pain in his wrist snapped him back to reality. 

He couldn't act that way towards Louis anymore. 

Louis leaned his head back against the wall, his hands balled into fists, his knuckled white. His hair was fringed with sweat, even more sweat dripping down his face and onto his neck, his collar already drenched. 

"H-harry," Louis gasped, panting. "Harry, I-"

"What the fuck happened?" Harry asked in a low voice, trying not to show any emotion. 

No matter what Louis did, no matter how much Louis hurt him, Harry found himself caring. He found himself wanting to help Louis. 

Seeing Louis like this ignited something in Harry, but Harry couldn't let Louis know that. 

"I-I," Louis licked his lips, shuddering. "I-I forgot m-my pills at the h-hotel- i-in my d-dresser-" he let out, groaning as another wave of pain hit him. 

'"What pills?" Harry asked, his voice shrill. "Don't tell me you relapsed-"

"N-no," Louis grunted, trying to stand up, his hands sliding against the wall desperately. "No, I'm on anxiety m-medication, and I-"

Louis almost fell back down, but Harry caught him, grasping him tightly. "Anxiety medication?" he asked, his dropping. "Louis-"

"Shut up," Louis groaned into Harry's chest. "I don't need you fucking fake sympathy," 

Harry felt a wave of annoyance, but gripped Louis tighter, scared to let him go. "Should I go get Niall-"

"No," Louis yelled, bringing his hands up to Harry's shoulders to hold himself up. "No, no one can know, Harry,"

He pushed himself off Harry's body but immediately stumbled, making Harry grab him again. 

"Louis, we have the show in a fucking hour, its our opening act, and we can't have you like this-" Harry was cut off by Louis panting, which suddenly got a lot louder. Small, broken whimpers escaped him, tears running down his face. 

He was having a panic attack. 

"Louis," Harry cried. "Louis, okay, calm down, its fine-"

"N-no," Louis choked out, although he didn't know what he was refusing. "Harry, I need the p-pills, d-do something,"

Harry didn't know what to do. He couldn't leave, the arena was already swarming with fans that would bombard him on the way out. And Louis refused to tell anyone about, so he couldn't get someone to get Louis' medication for him, either. 

He suddenly realized that they were backstage and anyone could see them.

"Let's get you to the bathroom," Harry grunted, slinging Louis' arm over his shoulder. 

They trudged down the hall, Louis shaking uncontrollably and clenching his fists so hard his knuckles were white. 

Harry banged the bathroom door open, locking it behind him. He winced, feeling a stab of pain on the sprain in his hand. 

Louis picked it up immediately. He staggered forward, pushing Harry to the wall and grabbing Harry's injured hand, bringing it up to his lips. 

"What are you doing?" Harry asked. 

"I'm sorry," Louis sobbed. "I'm sorry it has to be like this, I'm sorry I have to hurt you like this, but I need the pain to go away, Harry, I can't stand it anymore,"

"How long?" Harry said, his hands closing around Louis' wrists. "How long have you been taking your meds?"

There was a heartbeat of silence. Then Louis said what Harry was fearing all along. 

"Five years."

Harry closed his eyes, feeling the tears rise up. Louis raised a hand to Harry's face shakily, but Harry swatted it away. 

"I'll go get your pills," he said, pushing Louis to the side. "I don't know how, I'll figure something o--"

"No!" Louis yelled, lunging at Harry. "D-don't leave me, please,"

Harry's eyes fell upon Louis, his eyes red, his breathing broken and labored, his entire body shaking. 

The hotel was a ten minute drive. He could make it. 

"I'm sorry, Louis," Harry said, sliding his arm out of Louis' grip. "Stay,"

"No, Harry, please-" Louis begged. "I need you," 

Harry stepped out and closed the door, locking it from outside, his heart pounding. 

He let out a small muffled sob into his sleeve. 

He was the reason Louis was like that.

He did that to him. 

"I'm here," Harry gasped, opening the door. "I'm here, Louis," 

He had stolen the security guards uniform from the closet, wearing a mask and sunglasses, and drove the security van to the hotel. 

Somehow it had worked.

Louis was curled up on the floor, moaning softly. "You left me," he whispered. 

Harry tried to ignore the feeling inside his chest, the feeling of his heart being literally ripped apart. 

"I'm here now," he said, emotionless. "Which ones do you--"

"The blue ones, two of them," Louis said brokenly. Harry slipped the pills inside his mouth, helping him sit up. 

Louis leaned against the wall, burying his face in his knees. "You can go now," he whispered, the effects of the pills already beginning to take over. "Don't stay,"

Harry nodded slowly, putting the rest of the pills on the ground next to Louis. 

He got up and left, closing the door behind him, trying his hardest not to cry. 

"TWENTY MINUTES!" he heard Simon scream. "Where the fuck is Harry? I give you guys an hour of personal time and--"

"I'm here," Harry muttered, his mind still on Louis' broken state. "I'm here."

Simon rolled his eyes. "Go to the green room. Where's Louis?" 

"Bathroom, I think."

"Okay. Go. I'll go get him," Simon snapped. 

Harry just nodded. He was tired, weak. He didn't know how he would do the show today. It hardly seemed to matter anymore. 

A few minutes later, he saw Louis enter the room, his eyes red and his hands in his pockets. 

He wouldn't meet Harry's eyes. 

He couldn't believe he let himself be this vulnerable around Harry. 

"You guys ready?" Simon asked loudly, gathering them in a circle. 

Harry looked around, and most of them looked happy. Like actually happy. Zayn and Liam were beaming, and Niall had a smile on his face like always. 

"Come here," Niall said, and squished them all in a group hug. 

Harry exhaled, trying to forget the past hour. He put his hands on Zayn and Louis' shoulders, tightening the hug. 

For a moment, it felt nice. He missed this. 

He missed Zayn, he missed Liam, he missed Niall. 

He missed the old Louis. 

He missed his boys. 

He missed One Direction. 

"LETS DO THIS THING!!" Niall yelled, leading the way to the stage. 

And one by one, the boys stepped on the stage, drowned in the screams of the world's biggest fandom. 

They were back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment or I will sic Simon on you. 
> 
> Just kidding. Mostly.


	18. part 18

_New Year's Eve, 2012._

_Louis had been spending more and more time with Eleanor. Every time he saw Harry with Taylor he fell back into Eleanor's arms, because he felt like he had nowhere else to go._

_What made it worse was that Harry and Taylor were actually dating. Sure, management had set them up, but they were actually together._

_Unlike Louis and Eleanor, which was purely a PR relationship._

_It drove him crazy that Harry and Taylor did things not just for the camera._

_It drove him crazy that Harry kissed Taylor like he used to kiss Louis, touch Taylor like he used to touch Louis._

_He didn't want to think about it._

_One Direction was in New York for New Years._

_Louis and Eleanor were in a suite close to Times Square. Niall, Liam and Zayn had gone out to celebrate._

_They had invited Louis but Louis didn't come. He didn't feel like celebrating at all._

_It was 11:47 pm. Louis was on the couch and Eleanor was in the kitchen, probably attempting to cook something._

_11:54._

_Louis went to YouTube on his phone and saw a Directioner doing a livestream titled "HARRY AND TAYLOR AT TIMES SQUARE!"_

_He clicked the video, knowing he would regret it. Knowing he would get hurt._

_The video was shaky, the but the girl was right next to Harry. Louis could see Harry smile his beautiful smile, his curls poking out from under his beanie._

_His fingers were intertwined with Taylor's, and he was laughing at something she said._

_Louis smiled softly, remembering Harry before fame had hit them._

_He was just this dorky, cute teenager, and he had no idea how attractive he was. No one tried to make a move on him or date him._

_Louis had him all to himself._

_Selfishly, Louis wanted it back. He wanted Harry before the millions of fangirls were there to take him away._

_Before Taylor was there to take him away._

_He wanted that Harry again._

_But he could never go back._

_11:59._

_He jumped as the crowd began chanting the countdown._

_"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!"_

_Louis watched Harry crack another smile and lean in to kiss Taylor, hugging her waist while she hugged his neck._

_The fans went wild, making the video shake even more. As Harry pulled away, Taylor wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck._

_Louis shut his phone off immediately, tears burning through his eyes. He stood up to walk to the bathroom but bumped into Eleanor._

_"Louis!" Eleanor said, a little out of breath. "I uh," she swallowed. "I just wanted to say Happy New Year."_

_Louis wiped his tears off quickly. "Happy New Year, Eleanor," he said, blinking rapidly._

_Eleanor's expression softened. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked._

_"Yeah," Louis said, running his hand over his face._

_She stared at him for a minute, and he stared back, studying her face closely._

_Louis didn't know why it was just occurring to him, but she was very pretty._

_"Are you sure?" she asked. "Because I-"_

_He cut her off by surging forward, pressing his lips to hers. He cupped her face tightly, knowing somewhere in his heart that this isn't what he wanted._

_But he needed something. He couldn't sit around watching Harry fall in love with someone who wasn't him._

_Eleanor stood still for a moment, then kissed him back harder, unable to believe what she had been waiting for for more than a year was finally happening._

_Louis pulled away, panting slightly._

_"Louis-" Eleanor began, but he cut her off._

_"Would you go out with me, Eleanor?" Louis said, surprising himself as he spoke._

_Eleanor's eyes widened. "You mean like for real? No PR-"_

_"No PR." Louis said, leaning forward slightly. "For real. Real dates. A real relationship."_

_Eleanor opened her mouth, but no words came out._

_Louis sighed. "Look, I get it if you d--"_

_"Yes!" Eleanor said, finally, her face flushed. "Yes, Louis, god, yes!"_

_She jumped into his arms, kissing him hard. He stumbled back until his back hit the wall._

_No matter how hard he tried not to though, he couldn't help but wish the lips kissing him were Harry's._

_Wish that the lips Harry was kissing, not too far from him, were his._

_"Can't believe we have to leave!" Niall said, groaning. "New York was fucking amazing!"_

_The five boys were back in the hotel. Eleanor had flown back to the UK a few days after New Years, and the boys were going back now, a week later._

_"It was, wasn't it?" Liam asked Zayn, who gave him a shy smile in return._

_"Harry definitely had a nice New Years," Zayn said, just as Simon came into the room. Louis saw him give a small smirk and return to talking to the PR team._

_Harry smiled awkwardly, trying not to make any eye contact with Louis._

_Louis felt his face getting hot and tried to calm himself down._

_"What'd you do, mate?" Niall asked Louis, slapping his shoulder. "You didn't come with me, Zayn, and Liam."_

_Harry leaned forward, suddenly interested._

_"Oh, uh, it was just me and Eleanor, in the suite," Louis said. "We just kind of hung out."_

_"Hung out?" Liam repeated, smirking. "Is that code or something?"_

_Harry cleared his throat loudly, gritting his teeth._

_"I actually asked her out."_

_Silence._

_Simon's head shot up as he slowly inched towards them._

_"You what?" Harry asked._

_"I asked her out. I was sick of our fake relationship. I turned it into a real one." Louis said._

_"Are you serious?" Simon asked him. Harry clenched his jaw and said nothing._

_Louis nodded. "Yeah. It was overdue, I guess."_

_Simon cupped Louis' shoulders, shaking them slightly. "That's my boy. And as a resolution, I'm trying to be a little kinder, so, Louis, I'm sorry for...roughing you up a little that day."_

_Louis clenched his fists, trying his hardest at a smile. "No worries, Simon."_

_"Louis, can I talk to you?" Harry said suddenly, his voice high._

_"Sure," Louis said, not moving._

_"In private, please," Harry said, his voice dangerously low._

_Niall and Zayn exchanged worried looks._

_Simon took his hands off Louis' shoulders, giving Louis a gleeful nod._

_Harry felt like slapping him._

_Louis followed Harry into a room at the very end of the hallway, as far away from everyone else as possible._

_"Is it true?" Harry asked, as soon as Louis closed the door._

_"Is what true?" Louis asked, crossing his arms._

_"Please tell me it isn't, Louis. Please."_

_"What?" Louis asked, suddenly pissed off. "So you can have a girlfriend, you can show her off at Times Square, you can go on dates, but I have to be fucking loyal to you? Loyal to a relationship that doesn't even exist anymore?"_

_"Anyone," Harry whispered, snapping his eyes shut. "Anyone but Eleanor."_

_Harry couldn't forget what Eleanor had said to him the first time he met her. He couldn't. There was a part of him that knew he would go back to Louis, but he couldn't if he was with Eleanor._

_"I like Eleanor," Louis said. "She's there for me. She gets me."_

_"She's not good for you." Harry said in a flat voice. "You can't date her. Ask someone else."_

_"Excuse me?" Louis asked, giving Harry a slight push. "I don't need your approval. She's my girlfriend and-"_

_"She's NOT your girlfriend," Harry sputtered, an edge of desperation creeping into his voice. "She's not. She can't be."_

_"She is." Louis declared. "She is, and we are very happy, thank you very--"_

_Harry shoved Louis against the door, harshly. "Don't do this."_

_Louis rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Get off me."_

_"Anyone but her, Louis," Harry said, almost begging. "Please."_

_A single tear dripped onto Harry's lips. Louis leaned in and licked it away, without thinking._

_Louis retracted immediately, realizing what he was doing. It had been four months since he had done anything like that with Harry._

_Harry brought his fingers up to his lips in shock._

_He looked up at Louis, dumbfounded._

_It had barely been a second before Harry was on him again, their lips colliding messily, teeth scraping against each other._

_Harry pressed his body into Louis' trying to get as much of Louis as he could. He felt his lungs bursting, begging for air, but he didn't pull away, afraid to let go._

_Louis pulled away first, breathing heavily. Harry leaned in again, but Louis put his hand on Harry's mouth._

_"I'm sorry, Harry," he said, his other hand slowly turning the doorknob and pushing the door open._

_"I have a girlfriend."_

Louis ran his finger over the hard leather of their tour bus. 

God, it felt like 2013 all over again. 

He tried not to think about his anxiety attack, and how he broke down in front of Harry. Most of all, he tried not to think about how Harry helped him. 

He couldn't figure out why he felt so safe with Harry. 

Harry was the reason he started taking medication, but being in Harry's arms calmed him down. 

It was the strangest thing. 

How could someone be the illness and be the cure at the same time?

He got off the bus. They had done three concerts already. 

He saw Niall with Simon, going over their itinerary again and Zayn and Liam having a beer by the hotel building. 

His eyes finally fell on Harry, struggling to get his bandage on. 

Louis walked over to him, slowly pulling the bandage out of his hands. 

Harry made a small noise of protest when he realized who it was, but Louis glared at him, shutting him up. 

Louis picked the ointment from the bench, squeezing it onto his fingers and running them up and down Harry's forearm and between Harry's fingers. 

Harry winced slightly, but didn't say anything. Louis's fingers went over Harry's painted nails, which had small smiley faces, making Louis smile slightly. 

He wrapped the bandage over Harry's hand, pinning it down firmly. He watched Harry flinch again. 

"Does it hurt?" he asked, not looking into Harry's eyes. 

"My hand?" Harry asked. 

Louis finally looked up, his eyes searching Harry's. He wasn't sure for what. 

He dropped Harry's hand, making it fall by Harry's side. 

He turned away, walking to the bus. 

Harry didn't stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how it was <333


	19. part 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god guys I'm literally going to kill myself. I wrote the entire part 19 last week and my computer died before it could save and I lost the entire thing. 
> 
> I'm so sorry this is late but I got really unmotivated and took forever on it :///
> 
> Love you guys I'm rly sorry!
> 
> ALSO apparently Liam got engaged! Congrats to him and fiance, that's amazing <33\. I probably won't be including that in the fic, though, bc it might effect Ziam too much, and yall said you wanted Ziam.
> 
> Anyway, here it is! Part 19!

"When will you come home?" Eleanor's voice on the other side of the phone prompted him.

He was inside his dimly lit hotel room, more than halfway done with the American leg of the tour. 

Management had spaced each of the boys' hotel rooms out, especially Louis' and Harry's, putting their rooms on separate floors. 

It was funny, how they used to separate the pair because they were too in love. 

Now they were constantly separated because they hated each other too much. 

Simon was way happier this way, though.

Louis rubbed his face and took another long drag out of his cigarette. He was a little drunk, and his head hurt listening to her voice. "When the tour is over, Eleanor."

"I miss you." Eleanor said. "Come home."

Louis almost laughed at how ridiculous she was being. "You're not being serious, right?"

"What do you want me to do Louis? One second we were at our home, living together, waking up together, and the next second you're on fucking tour with Harry Styles."

Louis crushed his cigarette on the bedside table, now annoyed. Every time Harry's name was brought up, something in him snapped. 

"We agreed this was the best decision."

"No," Eleanor said, raising her voice. "You agreed this was the best decision. I didn't want you to go back. You did. I didn't want you to go on tour. You did. You have no fucking idea how many sacrifices I've made for you and all you do is use me."

"Use you?" Louis repeated. "When the fuck have I used you?"

"All the fucking time!" Eleanor yelled. 

"Keep your fucking voice down," Louis said coldly. He fumbled around for another cigarette, holding his phone between his ear and shoulder and flicking the lighter. 

"No. I will not. You left me after we were together for years, had a kid with the first whore you found, and then came back to me because you knew I wasn't going anywhere. You always make me take care of your fucking kid! I don't want to see him over and over, he reminds me of that bitc--"

"I love Freddie. More than I love anything," Louis spat. "Even you. Especially you. If you want a future with me he's your son, too, and if you can't get that into your head, then I'll-"

"What?" Eleanor laughed. "Leave me? When have you ever been able to do that? You left everyone but me. One Direction. Your son's mother. Harry Styles."

Louis felt his heart clench painfully again. "Stop. Stop it."

"No, go ahead and try, Louis. Break up with me. Break up with me because I'm so fucking mean to the accident you call a son and because I won't let you join the band with the guy who fucking abused you for five years straight."

Louis bit his tongue. He wanted to say something but couldn't. 

"That's what I thought. He's probably tried to make a move on you a hundred fucking times already. Already tried to hurt you."

Louis remembered when they fucked in Harry's room. 

Louis had initiated it. 

When Philip sprained Harry's wrist. 

Louis had caused it. 

That night on the roof. The threats. The time he forgot his pills. 

He was hurting Harry more than Harry was hurting him. 

That's what he wanted to do. Then why did it make him feel sick? 

"He-" Louis stuttered. "Eleanor, please, I can't do this right now. I have to go eat."

"Yeah, fine, go have dinner with that fag. See if I care."

"DO NOT call him that." he said loudly. It just burst out of him, like a reflex. 

"What?" Eleanor asked incredulously. "Defending your boyfriend? How many times has he tried to fucking rape you in the span of two months-"

"Shut the FUCK up, Eleanor, for fuck's sake."

"I called him, you know. To make sure he wouldn't try anything with you again."

Louis' heart sank. "You what?"

"I told him he was a rapist. That if he ever tried to lay a hand on you,-"

"How the fuck did you even get his number?" Louis gasped out. His face was burning with anger. 

"Not important," Eleanor said coolly. "Guess what he had the nerve to tell me? He said you guys hooked up and you came onto him." she let out a cold laugh. "As if."

Louis swallowed, trying to lower his voice. "He told you that?" 

"Yeah. I guess he's a fucking liar too."

Louis was shaking. Why the fuck would Harry do that? Break his relationship? Who did he think he was?

Forgetting his anger at Eleanor, he hung up, flipping the blanket off himself and storming out the door. 

Harry's door flew open. Louis was standing in the door frame, his phone in his hand and his eyes bright red. 

He slammed the door behind him.

Harry pushed himself up. "Louis-"

Wham. 

Louis punched the side of his face so hard Harry fell to the ground, coughing. He brought his hand up to the injury and felt the wetness of blood. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Louis said, grabbing the front of Harry's shirt and yanking him off the floor with difficulty. 

"Louis, it's not what-"

He pushed Harry up against the wall, pressing his elbow into Harry's neck. Harry pushed him off, wrestling him to the ground and pinning him there, Louis' face pressed against the carpet. 

Louis struggled and writhed around, but Harry grabbed his hands and held them behind his back. 

"Why the fuck would you tell Eleanor about that?" Louis panted against the floor.

"She fucking called me, telling me I was a fucking rapist, that I manipulated you into thinking you could ever be into guys. You have no idea how bad the shit she said was. I wasn't going to fucking listen to her talk to me like that,"

Harry let go, allowing Louis to push himself off the floor weakly. 

Louis knew it wasn't Harry's fault. He knew it. But he didn't want to admit it. 

He stood up shakily. "Fuck you."

"Keep your fucking girlfriend in check." Harry said, shoving Louis against the wall.

"She didn't even fucking believe you," Louis said, wiping his bloody knuckles on his jeans. 

"It was true, though. You came on to me. You started it."

Louis head spun, still very angry at him.

Harry pressed his chest against Louis', dropping his phone to the nighstand. "You liked it."

Louis swallowed, suddenly aware of how close Harry was to him. How the tension in the room was suddenly high. 

"You have no idea," Harry said, slipping his hands up Louis' shirt and dragging them down his back, "How much I hate you. How hard you make my life. You lie to your girlfriend about me."

Louis shouldn't be letting this happening. But fucking was always better than beating each other up, and Louis felt like he had to choose.

Louis pressed his crotch to Harry's, parting his lips in a low moan. "I don't-" 

Harry flipped him around suddenly, pressing Louis' face against the cool wall. He bit Louis' ear slightly before going down, making Louis shiver. 

His body was aching with arousal, and it had barely even been a minute.

Louis panted unevenly, struggling to pull his shirt off while pressed against the wall. 

He heard Harry fumble around and then felt Harry's bare abs press against his back, groaning as he became rock solid against the wall. 

"We can't keep fucking every time you're mad at me," Harry said. "It doesn't fix anything."

Louis laughed against the wall. "It's unfixable, Harry. I'm never fucking coming back to you,"

Harry's heart sank but he ignored it and bit the crook of Louis' neck, making him wince. "I would never want you to."

That shouldn't have stung, but it did. 

Harry pressed his bulge against Louis' ass, grabbing Louis' hair and tilting his head back. Louis moaned as Harry latched his lips onto Louis neck, grinding against his ass.

"Enjoying this, aren't you?" Harry breathed, his other hand fumbling with Louis' belt. 

Louis gasped as Harry slipped his hand into Louis' boxers, working up and down on his shaft. "N-not r-really-" 

"Oh really?" Harry said, his hand going painfully slow. 

Louis balled his hand into a fist and pressed it weakly to the wall. "No."

Harry stopped his motion. "Want me to fucking stop, then?"

"N-no!" Louis yelled desperately. "No, don't, fuck-"

Harry smirked and roughly jerked Louis' pants lower, along with his underwear. Louis kicked them off jerkily. 

He pressed his thumb against Louis' hole, but Louis swatted it away. 

"No, I-" He struggled to form a sentence, his erection painfully throbbing. "I need you. Now."

Harry raised his eyebrows, resting one hand on either side of Louis against the wall. "That's going to hurt,"

"I don't care, I don't--" Louis' nails scratched roughly on the wall. "Please."

Harry fumbled with his belt, slipping it off and throwing it to the side. "The bed's right there, how ab-"

"Dont' fucking move," Louis ordered, wrapping one hand around his dick for relief. 

He heard the sound of Harry's zipper, then Harry pressing his hands on the wall on either side of Louis. 

He felt Harry's warm breath on his ear, making him shudder. "That's what you tell her, don't you? That you never loved me. That you never wanted this."

Louis let out a small whimper, feeling a small pang of guilt in the middle of his immense arousal.

Harry swallowed back his tears.

"Hate you," he whispered, before slamming into Louis without warning. 

Louis screamed, dragging his nails against the wall in agony. 

Harry didn't even wait, thrusting at a steady pace, not giving Louis any time to adjust. He took one hand off the wall and put it over Louis' mouth, muffling his cries. 

He fucked him into the wall roughly, their bodies pressed together, slick with sweat.

Louis welcomed the pain, because that's all he felt he could do. He deserved it. 

Harry brushed against his prostate, making Louis moan loudly against his hand and rest his forehead on the wall. 

Harry took his hand off and jerked Louis off steadily, doubling the pleasure. 

"Oh my god," Louis choked out, holding himself up with difficulty. Harry slammed into his prostate again, muffling his own moans by biting into Louis' shoulder. 

Louis hated how much control Harry had over him. 

Ever since he lost Harry, he had been longing for that feeling he felt with Harry with someone else. 

But he never found it. 

As Harry snapped his hips into Louis over and over, Louis knew no one else made him feel this good. 

And even though Louis couldn't focus on anything else, he knew it wasn't just the sex. 

The feeling of being with Harry, back when they were young and in love, he had never felt with anyone else. 

Harry breathed heavily as he pulled out, turned Louis around and picking him up. Louis wrapped his legs around him immediately, burying his face in the crook of Harry's neck and Harry pressed into him again. 

Louis dragged his nails over Harry's back as he resumed his thrusting. Harry grit his teeth as he went harder and faster, feeling the knot in his stomach get bigger.

"Harry," Louis gasped out, leaning his head against the wall. 

Harry pushed in deeper at the sound of his name rolling off Louis' lips. 

Louis' lips were wet with saliva, his forehead glistening, his hair fringed.

"Harry, I'm gonna-"

"Me too," Harry grunted as Louis gripped his biceps. "Fuck."

Louis let out a strangled cry as he came in between them. Harry sucked his neck harshly and came deep inside Louis, slowly riding out his orgasm. 

Louis whimpered from the overstimulation and winced as Harry pulled out set Louis on the ground, collapsing on the bed. 

Louis sank to the ground, unable to stand. He watched Harry pull his boxers and jeans up, grabbing the belt off the floor and putting it back on. 

He leaned down next to Louis and for a second Louis thought he was gonna kiss him. 

Instead, he grabbed his shirt and ran his hand through his damp hair. "Tell Eleanor to never contact me again. I don't wanna see you here when I get back."

And he left without saying another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already started writing the next chapter and it was so much fun so I'm excited for it. Let me know how it was <3


	20. part 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry. I know this is really late but senior year is really catching up to me and my boyfriend is going through a lot of stuff at home and it's just been a really bad week but I had fun writing this!!

_"Is this really necessary?" Louis asked Simon. "Seriously, is this necessary?"_

_"It's recommended," Simon insisted. "And we're going to do it."_

_Louis grunted in disapproval._

_Basically Simon had this terrible idea of each of the boys to have dinner together._

_And invite their girlfriends._

_And Louis knew that the only reason Simon was doing it was to rub into Harry's face that Louis was now officially dating Eleanor._

_Harry and Taylor had broken up two weeks after New Years'. And Louis had basically instantly regretted asking Eleanor out._

_But he pulled through. He forced himself to give it a chance. And he could get really stubborn._

_They were having dinner at a fancy restaurant in London, and Simon had booked the whole thing to get them some privacy._

_Louis stared at himself in the mirror. The car was waiting outside, with Eleanor inside._

_He could do this. He liked Eleanor. She was good for him._

_He got into the car, sitting next to Eleanor. She smiled at him and pulled him into a deep kiss before the door slid shut, making the driver roll up the partition._

_Louis let out a little noise of surprise, feeling Eleanor get up on his lap and straddle him._

_"What are you doing?" he stuttered out against her mouth._

_"I haven't seen you in forever," she whined._

_"N-not in the car," Louis stammered, lightly pushing her off._

_"You don't like doing it at home either," she muttered angrily._

_Louis swallowed and leaned his head against the window. He didn't know why, but Eleanor just didn't turn him on. She was pretty and skinny and gorgeous, but she just didn't work for him._

_He shook his head. He didn't want to think about it._

_They arrived at the restaurant shortly. Eleanor seemed to forget how annoyed she was and held his hand tightly as they walked in together._

_There was a circular table in the middle of the room. It was huge. Everyone was already there, and there were two empty spots._

_Louis' was right next to Harry. Of course._

_Zayn was sitting across from Harry, Perrie right next to him. He was staring daggers at Sophia, Liam's girlfriend, while Liam was staring at Perrie._

_Louis wasn't sure what went down between them._

_Niall and Harry were the only two who hadn't brought a girl with them._

_Niall was more carefree. He was the happy-go-lucky one, the one who was always goofing around and hooking up with fans and not wanting any commitment. And he was always happy that way._

_Harry, on the other hand, had only one person in mind._

_Louis sat down gingerly, acutely aware of how Eleanor was watching Harry's reaction. Harry didn't look at him, suddenly very interested in his silverware._

_Eleanor grabbed his face and pulled him into another kiss, making Harry clench his fists and Liam raise his eyebrows._

_Louis pulled away shakily, his face red._

_This was a terrible, terrible idea._

_Thankfully, Sophia and Perrie seemed oblivious to their boyfriends and started up a conversation immediately, talking about Perrie's tour schedule and her stylist and the rest of Little Mix._

_As the appetizers were served, Eleanor joined in as well, and Liam and Niall began talking as well._

_Suddenly, Eleanor directed her attention to Harry. "So how's life, Harry? Single? Taken?"_

_Louis groaned inwardly, wanting to die._

_He watched Harry clench his jaw, biting his lip roughly. "I'm single at the moment." He let out._

_"Why? You can have any girl you want," Eleanor said, putting emphasis on "girl."_

_Harry wanted to pull her hair out. Louis shrunk back in his seat, wanting this to be over._

_"I'm just not interested in anyone right now," Harry said carefully._

_"How are you and Louis doing?" Perrie asked playfully. Oh, god._

_"We're doing amazing," Eleanor said, wrapping her hand around his shoulders. "It's really been so great. I can't believe it took us this long to realize we were meant for each other."_

_"Really?" Harry asked._

_Eleanor narrowed her eyes. "Yes, Harry, we're very happy together."_

_Louis suddenly felt a large hand on his thigh. He surged forward immediately, knocking his empty wineglass over._

_"Good for you," Harry said cheerfully, moving his hand up slowly, making Louis' heart rate increase exponentially._

_He grabbed Harry's hand with his own, finally turning to face Harry._

_"Don't," he mouthed silently, trying to push Harry's hand off. Harry ignored him and moved it up even more, resting it softly on Louis' crotch._

_Louis bit his lip harshly, squeezing Harry's hand as he felt his crotch harden. It was crazy how easily Harry could turn him on in an instant, while Eleanor had yet to do so._

_Harry ran his thumb over Louis' jeans, making Louis whimper and try to cover it up with a cough._

_Harry continued to palm Louis over his jeans, making sure no one noticed. The dull buzz of conversation at the table had resumed._

_Louis was impossibly hard, forgetting all his efforts to make Harry stop. Harry smirked as he felt Louis, rock-solid against his hand._

_He unzipped Louis' pants with ease, slipping his hand inside._

_Louis pounded a fist on the table lightly, gasping under his breath._

_"Babe," Eleanor said. "You haven't even touched your food,"_

_She took a fork and held up Louis' food to his mouth, making Harry resist the urge to laugh. He wrapped his had around Louis dick and squeezed slightly, making Louis choke._

_He watched Louis shakily pick up his water and drink it before he started moving his hand. Louis' breathing got labored as he gripped the tablecloth tightly, his knuckles white._

_Louis' lips parted in a soft moan, making Harry's pants tighten as well._

_"Are you okay, Louis?" Zayn asked suddenly. Harry smiled and went faster, his hand gliding up and down Louis' shaft._

_Louis' mind felt foggy. It had been so long since he felt good._

_"I-I'm f-fine," he stammered. "J-just tired, I t-think."_

_Louis didn't even catch what Zayn said in response. All he could think about what how close he was. He was so, so close._

_Harry kept going, briefly pausing to smile at Eleanor and then resuming._

_Louis let out tiny whimpers and gasps, trying his best to hide it. He was so close._

_The waiters arrived again, setting down another dish, when Harry pulled away suddenly._

_Louis almost sobbed, still clutching the table._

_"Excuse me for a moment," Harry said and got up to walk to the bathroom. Louis zipped his jeans up, trying to ignore his massive erection._

_"Bathroom," he grunted out, before running in the same direction._

_Niall pursed his lips but didn't say anything._

_Louis stumbled into the bathroom, pressing his hands to the wall and breathing heavily. Harry turned around and smirked, walking up to him slowly._

_"Harry," Louis pleaded. "Harry, I need-"_

_"Need what?" Harry asked, running his hands through Louis' hair._

_"You. Just-" Louis pressed Harry's hand to his crotch. "Please."_

_"Come back to me," Harry said suddenly, pinning Louis to the stall door. "It's not too late. Come back, please,"_

_"H-harry," Louis stammered, trying not to think about his erection. "I c-can't, I have a g-"_

_"Leave her," Harry said. "Please, Louis, I can't do it anymore. You can have me, you can have all of me, Louis, just leave her, please."_

_"Simon-"_

_"I don't give a fuck about Simon. I won't let him hurt you. Please."_

_Louis looked into Harry's emerald eyes, wanting him back. More than anything. But couldn't bring himself to say it._

_"I c-can't, Harry, I'm sorry-"_

_"Fine," Harry said, his voice suddenly turning cold. "Go ask your girlfriend for help."_

_And he left._

_Harry didn't talk to him for the rest of dinner. Louis was forced to get himself in the bathroom, thinking about Harry the entire time._

_Harry didn't even look at him._

_When they got home, Eleanor had tried, once again, to get something started._

_And Louis had tried, too. Genuinely. But he just wasn't turned on. He couldn't do anything about it._

_The night ended with Eleanor leaving angrily and him going to sleep by himself._

_Louis knew, somewhere deep down, that he would regret this._

_That he really, under no circumstances, should be doing this. But he was helpless. He wanted to be with Harry but he couldn't put them both through that again._

_And he had to make it work with Eleanor. He had to._

_"What kind of problems are you having with Eleanor?" David asked him. "Are you guys arguing, or-"_

_David was the head of their PR team and their rep from management. Louis had never liked him, and he was usually the reason behind whatever Simon did to them._

_"No," Louis interrupted uncomfortably. "I'm having trouble, you know-" he gestured down, making David widen his eyes in realization._

_"Oh," David said, setting whatever paperwork he was doing aside. "Simon and I figured this would happen."_

_Louis frowned. "You did?"_

_"I'm so happy you came to me, Louis," David said, getting up and rummaging through some drawers. "I really am."_

_Louis eyed him warily, suddenly uncertain._

_David sat back down, setting a pack of white pills on the table. "These will help."_

_Louis swallowed thickly. "What are those? Viagra or something?"_

_"Better than that. They're special. You'll love them, trust me,"_

_Louis really should not be doing this. Under no circumstances._

_"Are those legal, David?" Louis asked._

_"Not...exactly. It's okay to bend the law sometimes."_

_"Are you giving me drugs?" Louis asked, his voice a little higher._

_"I prefer to call them... recreational pills." David smiled, waving the packet in front of Louis' face. "This will fix all your problems, Louis. Not just those problems. But everything else. I promise."_

_Louis' heart pounded in his ears. He had spent way too many nights staying awake, thinking of Harry, way too many nights arguing with Eleanor, way too many nights missing who he used to be._

_He took the packet in his hands and tucked it into his pocket, leaving the room quickly._

_This could fix it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmk how it was <3


	21. part 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW THIS IS SO LATE AND I BELIEVE ME I HATE MYSELF MORE THAN ANY OF YOU HATE ME 
> 
> I love you guys so much I'm so sorry to keep you waiting schools been rly stressful plus im taking the SAT soon so I'm kind of dying here. 
> 
> Still no solid updating schedule, but I think I'll be updating every other weekend. I hope that's okay <3
> 
> It'll get more frequent once I start getting more time.

_October 2013_

_It had been over a year since Harry and Louis were together. 1 year, 7 months, and 13 days, but who's counting?_

_And honestly? Louis felt great. He felt fucking amazing. Whatever David gave him worked. Things with Eleanor were better than ever._

_He missed Harry sometimes. Sometimes it became an aching pain in his chest and he felt like he couldn't breathe until he was with Harry, felt like he was suffocating and Harry was all the oxygen in the world._

_Until he popped one of those pills and everything was fine again._

_He didn't know if Harry missed him. At least, that's what he told himself._

_He pretended not to notice Harry gazing at him from across the room, Harry finding each and every opportunity to touch him, get close to him, change his mind._

_His mind was made. Life was easier this way._

_Simon was nice to him._

_When he saw Harry take Kendall Jenner out to dinner, he didn't feel any pain._

_He just took one of those pills and went home to Eleanor._

_And yeah, his four best friends noticed something was off. Even Zayn, who was the biggest stoner in the history of stoners._

_He pushed them away. He pushed all of them away. And he pushed Harry away the most. He felt into a world that he knew was dangerous but it was so much better than reality._

_In this world, he was a happy, international superstar with a hot girlfriend and millions of fans._

_And reality?_

_He was hopelessly, desperately, heart-wrenchingly in love with someone he couldn't have._

_It was around 6:00 pm, and the five boys had just finished a studio session._

_Louis was suddenly acutely aware that everyone was almost out the door, and the only people left were him and Harry._

_He hurried his movements suddenly, collecting his things when he felt Harry's presence behind him._

_"Can we talk?" Harry whispered._

_Louis closed his eyes. "Not right now, I have a date to get t-"_

_"It'll be five minutes, Louis."_

_There was silence for a while._

_"Please." Harry said._

_Louis took a deep breath and turned around, looking at Harry expectantly._

_"Is it really over, Louis?" Harry asked._

_The words hit Louis like a brick. Maybe it was that Harry and him were finally alone, or maybe it was the fact that he wasn't high for the first time in months, but Louis finally felt it._

_Pain. And it wasn't going away._

_He could feel his heart breaking, which is why he needed to get to his room now._

_"I really need to leave, Harry," Louis said, but Harry grasped his arm firmly._

_"Answer the question."_

_Louis began shaking slightly, and that's when he knew he had an addiction. He'd known that for a while now, but it was striking him now._

_"Harry, you need to let me leave," Louis said unevenly._

_"I won't. Not anymore. Are you that scared of Simon, Louis? Why won't you come ba-"_

_"Shut up." Louis said lowly, trying to breathe evenly. "Shut up."_

_"Louis, I love you! This is ridiculous!" He grasped Louis' hands with his own, stepping closer. "Please, come back to me. It can't be over, Louis, we were just getting started-"_

_"I don't love you."_

_Harry looked up, his face suddenly pale. "What?"_

_"I don't love you anymore. It's been a year, Harry, do you honestly think I still have feelings for you?"_

_"You're lying," Harry said shakily. "You're fucking lying."_

_Louis ignored the sound of his own heart breaking and pulled his hands away. "I'm not. I'm happy with Eleanor, so can I leave now?"_

_Harry looked at him, right into his eyes, and a part of Louis died. The anguish he saw in Harry's eyes... it was too much._

_He pushed past him, running up to his room. He remembered New Year's Eve, seeing Harry with Taylor, remembering how happy he was, how happy the world was._

_Harry could have whoever he wanted. He didn't have to be in this relationship with Louis, a relationship that he knew so many people wouldn't accept._

_It hurt, but he had to let Harry go. And besides, if they were seen together again, David and Simon threatened Harry. And Louis couldn't let that happen. He didn't care if he got beat up a thousand times, but Harry needed to be safe._

_He finally got to his room, slamming into his dresser and taking out the small yellow bottle with shaky hands._

_He looked at the bottle for a second, and then dumped the entire thing in his hands._

_It was a little more than he usually took, but then again, the pain was a little more today._

_And with Harry in his thoughts, he shoved the pills down his throat._

Louis crushed his cigarette under his foot, looking out at the city.

They were in New York now. The last part of the American leg of the tour. 

"Mind if I have one?"

Louis turned around, snapping out of his thoughts. Zayn was standing in the doorway of the balcony. 

Louis put the cigarette between his lips and offered the pack to Zayn. 

They lit their cigarettes and stood on the balcony for a few minutes before Zayn spoke up. 

"I'm sorry about Fizzy."

Louis blew the smoke out into the cool air, his heart heavy. 

"I'm sorry about your mum. I'm sorry I didn't come to her wedding. And I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you."

Louis stared down in silence. 

"You were my best friend, Louis. I should've said something when I left."

"Why did you leave?" Louis finally said. "Was it Liam?"

Zayn rested his arms on the railing. "It was everything. How management was to you and Harry. How everything we did was watched and analyzed and how I could barely eat what I wanted to without P.R being on my ass. It was everything."

Louis nodded. "You didn't have to cut us all out, Zayn."

Zayn sniffed. "I know. I'm sorry for that, too."

"So why'd you come back?" Louis asked. 

"Honestly?" Zayn ground his cigarette on the balcony. "I missed this. I missed the five of us. And I'm not 22 anymore. I'm 27. I had my break."

Louis gave him a slight smile. "I missed it too."

"Even Harry?"

The air suddenly got tenser, and Zayn knew he was overstepping but he didn't care. 

"What happened between you two?" Zayn asked softly. 

"He messed up." Louis said flatly. "He ruined everything."

"What you had needs to be fought for, Louis," Zayn said. 

"Like you fought for Liam?"

Zayn swallowed heavily. "At least we're on good terms."

"That's because he didn't do what Harry did. This is what happens when you fight for love, Zayn. The person you went through hell for doesn't do the same for you."

"He loved you." Zayn said simply. 

"I hate him," Louis said. 

"You want to hate him." Zayn pushed. 

"I hate him," Louis repeated. 

Zayn moved closer to Louis so that their shoulders were touching. "When you close your eyes and climb up that rugged, steep mountain, who do you see at the top waiting for you?"

Louis clenched his fists. "Who do you see, Zayn?"

Zayn's sharp brown eyes locked with Louis'. 

"You pretend that you're happy being friends with Liam and you pretend to be in love with someone else and you let Liam slap you on your back and call you 'bro' and you pretend that you don't wanna raise his goddamn son with him and you're sitting here telling me to follow my heart."

"I guess we're both broken," Zayn said. 

"You have the option of going to Liam. Harry and I can never happen again."

Zayn inhaled deeply. "It doesn't change the fact that you want him."

"I don't."

"You used to tell me he gave way better head than Eleanor."

"Shut up."

"You also said-" 

"How's Liam's head game by the way?" Louis interuppted. 

Zayn started to laugh, and although Louis wanted to stay mad at him, he started laughing too. 

If Louis couldn't have Harry, at least he had his best friend back. 

Louis shook his shoes off and fell onto his hotel bed, thinking about what Zayn said. 

For five years, all Louis did was go back to Harry. 

He needed to talk to him. He needed to see if there was a chance. If Harry apologized, then maybe he'd be able to get over what happened.

He got up, and went down the hall with his socks on, knocking on Harry's door.

The door opened after a minute, Harry appearing the doorframe with a pencil sticking out of his mouth and pink pajamas with no shirt. 

"Louis." He said dryly. 

"Can I come in?" Louis asked, trying not to look at Harry's torso. 

Harry raised his eyebrows and stepped to the side, letting Louis come inside. 

"If you're going to s-"

"I want an apology." Louis interrupted. 

"You what?" Harry asked, confused. 

"I want you to say sorry for what you did to me. I want you to say sorry for promising to love me forever and giving me false hope. I want you to say sorry for making me fall in love with you only to hurt me later."

"Louis, what-"

"Say it." Louis said, stepping closer. "I need you to say it."

"You want an apology, Louis?" Harry said. "I'm sorry for ever thinking you were worth it. I'm sorry for wasting five years of my life on you just so you could go date the girl you promised me meant nothing."

Hot, angry tears leaked onto Louis' cheeks. "You ruined us, Harry. Not me."

"I would never ruin the only good thing I had in my life."

"You won't admit it? Fine. I just came here to see if we had any chance of being together again. And we clearly don't,"

"Good fucking job, Sherlock." Harry hissed. 

Louis felt his face get hot. He didn't know if it was heartbreak, anger, or both. "Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you."

He should've known. Why was he even trying with Harry? Why did he expect them to have an actual, civil conversation?

"Is that what you came here to tell me?" Harry asked. "Because if that's it, you can leave now."

"No," Louis found himself saying. "There's something else."

Harry clicked his tongue and looked at him expectantly. 

Louis didn't know what he was doing. He felt like Harry had kicked him to the side of the road. 

And he said what he felt would hurt Harry the most. 

"Maybe if you were good to me, if you loved me like you said you would, I wouldn't have left you for Eleanor."

Harry looked away from him. "Get to the point."

"I never should have picked you. It was her all along. I wasted so much time on you. And that's why I'm here to tell you that I'm picking her for the final time."

"What the fuck are you trying to say?" Harry whispered. "You've made your fucking point, what e-"

Louis shook his head darkly. His mind was made. And maybe he would regret this later, but right now, he didn't care. 

"I'm marrying Eleanor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how it was <3 Ik I'm putting you guys on a rollercoaster here but I'm a sucker for slow-burn so I'm rly sorry kfkshdkfjslm
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL SMMMMM SEE YOU IN THE NEXT UPDATEEE


	22. part 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, my loves <3 How's everyone doing?
> 
> Since I live in the US I assumed the UK's legal drinking age is also 21 and completely forgot that it was 18 so oops just thought I'd mention that
> 
> I love ur comments so much pls keep them coming :))

To say Louis wasn't thinking clearly was a gross understatement. He wasn't thinking at all. 

He just wanted to do what he thought would hurt Harry the most. And marrying Eleanor- it seemed pretty perfect. 

He wasn't thinking. 

"Babe, are you serious?" 

"Yeah, we're in New York for a week before we go to the South American leg of the tour. Come."

He heard the sound of Eleanor's laughter on the other side of the phone. "Yeah, okay. Of course. I thought you'd never ask."

He ignored that feeling buried deep in his heart that was screaming, Don't do it!

"When will you get here?" he asked. 

"Tomorrow, if I leave tonight." 

Louis swallowed tightly. "Perfect."

"That's...fancy," Zayn said slowly. 

The restaurant at the top of Empire State. Certainly fancy. 

Louis had booked the whole thing. 

"I just want us to have a nice dinner. The five of us and-"

"Eleanor?" Zayn asked. "Yeah, that's not happening. Not that I have anything against her, but-"

"Just try, okay?" Louis asked. 

"The problem isn't me, Louis," Zayn said. "You know what I'm talking about-"

"Frankly, Zayn, I don't care if Harry likes my girlfriend or not, he's not my fucking father. "

Zayn sighed simply, knowing that he couldn't argue further. 

"Didn't know you were gonna invite Gigi," Louis said, after a moment of silence. 

"Well, Liam invited his girlfriend." 

"I thought you were on break."

"Not anymore," Zayn said, and that was the end of the conversation. 

Liam and Niall were the next to arrive, Simon arriving a few minutes after. The girls would all arrive later in the evening. 

"You must really love her, huh?" Simon asked, grinning. "All of this for a simple dinner."

The ring in Louis' pocket felt like a stone, a stone so heavy he felt its weight dragging him down, slowly. 

He had his security detail get it from Tiffany and Co. literally the day before. He didn't know what he was doing. He knew that he could still go back, but for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to think. 

"Where's Harry?" Niall asked, and Louis ignored Zayn's glare. 

"I'll go outside and look," Louis offered, turning around and walking out the door. 

And there he was. Leaning against the railing outside, peering down the city below. A small smile on his face. 

Louis took a deep breath and walked up to him. "Will you come inside? I want us all in before Eleanor gets here."

Harry didn't turn around. He didn't say anything. 

"Harry, cut the bullshit, will you?"

"It's not too late," Harry said. 

Louis frowned. "What?"

Harry finally turned around, and Louis couldn't figure out what his eyes were holding. 

"We can have a nice dinner, and we can all go home, and you don't fucking propose to her. It's not too late."

"Why the fuck do you even care, Harry?" Louis asked.

"Louis." Just his name. 

"If you have something to say to me, Harry, say it now. Because I'm planning to propose to my girlfriend today, a-"

"Louis."

"What?" Louis said, defeatedly. "What, Harry?"

"You don't love her, Louis."

"Really?" Louis asked indignantly. "Who do I love, then? You? Is that what you think?"

"I don't-" Harry tilted his head back, inhaling slowly. "I don't know. All I know is that you don't love her."

"Here's what I think," Louis said, stepping closer to Harry so their chests were almost touching. "You're just pissed off that the girl I promised you meant nothing to me is the one I'm marrying. You're pissed off that you let me fall in love with her."

"You're NOT in love with her," Harry said, raising his voice. 

"Does it matter? It's the closest I'm gonna get."

"If you're trying to prove a point or something Louis, congratulations! You've proved your fucking point. Now stop, okay? Stop whatever the fuck it is you think you're doing."

"I think," Louis breathed. "I think I'm proposing to my girlfriend. Now, are you coming inside or not?"

Harry's eyes screwed shut. "Please," he said softly. "Please."

"Life isn't a fairytale, Harry," Louis said, then turned and walked back in. 

_"Louis."_

_"Is he awake?"_

_"I think so."_

_"His eyes are opening, shh."_

_Louis blinked uncertainly, waking up to the bright lights of a hospital room._

_He saw Niall and Liam standing over him, their eyebrows creased._

_Niall smiled suddenly. "He's awake!" He leaned down and crushed Louis in a hug, only pulling away when Louis started gasping for air._

_Liam punched Louis' shoulder, scowling. "What were you thinking?"_

_"Wha-" Louis rubbed his eyes and sat up straighter. "Where the fuck am I?"_

_"The fucking hospital, Louis," Liam said. "You fucking overdosed."_

_And suddenly, Louis remembered everything._

_"Where did you even get them, Louis?" Niall asked worriedly._

_"I don't-" Louis moistened his lips, suddenly getting a bad headache. He didn't know what to say._

_And suddenly Harry was inside the room, his green eyes fixated on Louis, his expression unreadable._

_Niall and Liam looked at each other silently before leaving the room slowly, shutting the door behind them._

_"Harry, I-"_

_"Don't." Harry shook his head. "I fucking found you, Louis. I thought you were dead."_

_"Please, just-"_

_"Why? Was it easier to get high than talk to me? Get back together with me?"_

_"It's not like that, Harry," Louis said, reaching out to Harry's arm. Harry let Louis pull him closer until he was standing at the side of the bed._

_"Then what's it like?"_

_"I wanted to be with you. I want to be with you. But I couldn't, I knew I couldn't, so I pushed you away, and I really sho-"_

_Harry cut him off, pressing his lips to Louis', the sentence dying in Louis' throat. And maybe it was the fact that Louis almost died, or maybe it was that he was finally kissing Harry again, but Louis kissed back, gripping the back of Harry's head._

_Harry shifted, prying Louis' mouth open with his tongue, and they were kissing frantically, feverishly, like they were running out of time._

_And then Harry was pulling away._

_Louis panted softly._

_"You still love me." It wasn't a question. Harry wasn't asking._

_Louis nodded, too tired to lie anymore. Too tired living a life that wasn't his. "I do."_

_"You're going to break up with Eleanor."_

_Louis nodded again, knowing this was coming. "I will."_

_He saw Harry crack a small smile. "I'm not done with you yet. I'm still mad at you."_

_"I know, Harry, and I'll explain everything, I'll ex-"_

_The door opened loudly, and Louis instinctively let go of Harry, dropping his hand to his lap quickly._

_David and Simon entered the room, Simon beckoning for Harry to leave._

_"I'm not going anywhere, Simon, Louis jus-"_

_"Leave, Harry, please, while I'm asking nicely." Simon deadpanned, and Harry clenched his fists and stormed out of the room like an angry teenager, looking back at Louis to reassure him._

_"Did the nurses try to ask you anything?" David asked urgently. "Anything about where you got the pills, who gave them to you?"_

_Louis glared at him. "Not yet."_

_"You can't go to rehab," Simon said. "We have tours, we have shooting to do. We thought you would use them responsibly, not like this."_

_"Responsibly?" Louis repeated, his voice high. "Why would you give them to me in the first place, Simon? And what makes you think I won't tell people where I got them from?"_

_"Because," Simon said, gripping the edge of the hospital bed tightly. "You don't go to rehab, you don't tell anyone where you got them, and I'll let you see Harry." Simon's face wrinkled in disgust like that was the worst thing he could imagine._

_"Not publically of course," David interjected quickly. "But we won't interfere."_

_Interfere. Beating them up and empty threats._

_"You'll still have to be in a P.R relationship with Eleanor," Simon continued. "But you can do whatever the fuck you want with Harry," he spat._

_Louis swallowed. He couldn't refuse. He knew he couldn't._

_"I won't tell anyone," he let out carefully. "I promise."_

_Simon smiled, thumping him on the back. "Good boy."_

_Louis recoiled slightly, clenching his teeth. He told himself that it didn't matter._

_He could be with Harry again._

"Babe! You didn't have to do this," Eleanor gushed. 

Louis tried his best at a real smile. 

The air was tense. At first glance, it seemed like a fun, expensive dinner, but if you looked closely you could see Liam's eyes flickering between Zayn and Gigi repeatedly, Zayn staring daggers at Liam's girlfriend, and Harry's eyes staring down at the table, refusing to look up. 

Perhaps the only people having a good time were Niall and his girlfriend. 

And Simon. 

Louis hated that this was making him so happy. But he loved how pissed Harry was getting. He wanted this to hurt. And he would make it hurt as much as he could. 

They had all finished eating when Louis stood up from his chair, clearing his throat. Harry locked eyes with him and shook his head desperately, in one last attempt to get Louis to stop. 

"I have a few things I want to say," Louis said. "And I'm really happy to be surrounded by all my friends while I say them."

This part was true. One Direction were the realest friends Louis had ever known. If he was going to propose, he wouldn't have anyone other than them present. 

"Eleanor," Louis said, turning towards her. "I want to tell you something."

Eleanor smiled at him, loving the attention she was getting. "What is it?"

"Eleanor, I met you in 2011. And yes, our first date was fake, but I think a part of me knew it felt right. A part of me knew that maybe we were meant to be." Louis lied. 

Harry let out a shaky breath, determined to keep his cool. This is what he wanted. He didn't want Louis. This shouldn't hurt at all. 

"I made a lot of mistakes, Eleanor. I didn't appreciate you enough. I couldn't see that it was you the whole time."

A mistake. That's what Harry was. A lot of eyes kept flickering to Harry, and maybe that's what was stopping him from breaking down that very moment. 

"You took me back every time. Your ability to forgive, that's what I love about you." Louis continued, reveling in the way he could see Harry's heart break. 

It was sadistic, almost. 

"Will you stand, up, Eleanor?" Louis said, and the other three girls at the table immediately caught on, letting out excited squeals and giggles. 

It dawned on Zayn, too, and he shook his head as well, mouthing a What are you doing? To Louis. 

Even Niall frowned. Niall had always got along with Eleanor, but even he knew this wasn't supposed to happen. 

And Louis got on one knee, putting one hand in his pocket to bring out a small box, and all hell broke loose, the girls gasping and Zayn shaking his head again because this wasn't supposed to happen. 

"Louis." Niall said, and Louis wasn't sure if that was a plea or warning, but all he could focus on was the way Harry was staring at him, the way Harry's face fell. 

The way he could finally hurt Harry the way Harry hurt him. 

Harry gripped his fork so tightly his knuckles were white, biting his lip so hard he drew blood. 

And Louis saw a tear fall down his cheek, a tear that Harry wiped away quickly, but a tear that changed everything. 

And Louis didn't want to do this. 

The truth came crashing down on him. His stupid desire to hurt Harry had gone too far. And Louis looked into the broken glass that was Harry's eyes and he knew that this isn't what he wanted. 

He didn't love Eleanor. 

And he didn't want to hurt Harry anymore. 

He wanted to talk to him. To hold him, to ask him what went wrong and how they could fix it. And he wanted to love Harry again. 

He didn't want to lose Harry in this way, in a way that felt so permanent and so real. 

And he didn't want to marry another woman. 

He didn't want to marry a woman at all, and Louis knew if he's not marrying Harry, he couldn't marry anyone. 

And suddenly, he was aware of the dozen people looking at him, on his knee and holding a ring in his hand. 

He fucked up. 

And Eleanor sensed his hesitation. 

"Yes." she declared. 

No, no, no, no. 

"I didn't-" Louis started, but Eleanor shook her head. 

"You don't even have to ask, Louis. Yes, I'll marry you." And the girls clapped, and Simon cheered, raising his champagne glass, and saying "To Louis and Eleanor!"

Niall, Liam, and Zayn repeated the toast, raising their glasses hesitantly, and Louis watched himself slip the ring on Eleanor. He was pulled up into a kiss, but everything was faint and cloudly and blurry and he couldn't feel anything. 

All he could think of was curly hair and green eyes. 

That's all he thought when Harry got up and left the room, unable to watch what was happening any longer. 

He fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise it gets better.


	23. part 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep seeing comments asking when I'm going to update; I update every two weeks on weekends! Sorry for being a little late today!

_January 2014_

_"Hey, where's Niall?" Louis piped up, rolling over to the side and propping himself up on an elbow._

_The other four boys were in their tour bus, on a highway in the middle of nowhere._

_"He's driving in some other car with Simon. He gets all claustrophobic in here sometimes." Liam said._

_"Yeah, well it's a cramped fucking bus," Zayn muttered, before pulling the blanket over his head and going back to sleep._

_It was pitch dark outside, and the tour bus, along with a few other cars with their security detail and hair and makeup team, was going down a fairly deserted highway. More remote highways were usually chosen by security so their tour bus wouldn't get recognized and mobbed._

_"Simon, I'm sleepy," Niall complained, grasping the steering wheel firmly. "Can you drive? I wanna go back to the tour bus."_

_Simon clicked his teeth. "No. You said you were getting claustrophobic, so I moved a security detail out of this car just for you. You're driving."_

_"I will literally fall asleep," Niall argued. "Please, Simon."_

_"Not now, Niall," Simon said tiredly, just as his phone started ringing. "Drive. I gotta get this."_

_Niall rolled his eyes and yawned, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes. He hoped the car had a Redbull or something._

_He wondered how their drivers sometimes drove the whole night._

_"David, hello. What's the situation?"_

_Niall kept his eyes firmly on the road, trying to tune out Simon's boring conversation until he heard him bring up Louis' name._

_"Look, I'm regretting it too. But I told Louis he could be with Harry. So we just have to come up with something that'll make him want to leave Harry. It had to be by his own choice."_

_Niall sucked air in through his teeth. "Simon, that's not fair."_

_He was already tired and irritable, and now Simon was pissing him off._

_"Niall, this isn't your business," Simon whispered, then turned his attention back to David._

_"It is," Niall continued. "Louis just overdosed, okay? I don't want him to do anything stupid again so let him be with who he wants to be, for fuck's sake."_

_"Excuse me," Simon said to the phone. "Niall, keep OUT of it. Please."_

_"No," Niall said firmly. "Whatever you're up to, stop it. I'm sick and tired of you trying to control them."_

_"I'm sorry, David," Simon said through clenched teeth. "Niall, say one more word and I swear-"_

_"What? You'll beat the crap out of me like you did Louis?" Niall challenged boldly._

_"Niall, you do not talk to me that way."_

_He snatched the phone from Simon with one hand and held it up to his ear. "David, leave them alone."_

_"Niall." Simon said in a dangerously low voice. "You're crossing a line. Give the phone back."_

_"Leave them alone," Niall repeated. "And let me go to the tour bus. I want to sleep."_

_Simon grabbed the phone, but Niall pulled it back harshly, making the steering wheel turn abruptly._

_The tires screeched and rolled off onto the side of the highway, until the car bumped into something, making Niall stomp on the brakes._

_"What the fuck was that?" Niall said, his voice shaky._

_Simon shoved the phone in his pocket as both of them got out of the car hurriedly._

_"Shit." Niall's eyes pooled with tears._

_In front of the car lay a girl, who looked like she was in her early twenties. She was clearly unconscious, and one leg was clearly broken._

_"Shit. Shit. Shit." Niall dropped to his knees, pressing his head against her chest. "She's breathing. Simon, call 911. Simon!"_

_Niall looked up, his face stained with tears. Simon looked down, his face expressionless._

_"Let's go." Simon said, after a heartbeat._

_Niall stood up, drawing a shaky breath. "Don't be an idiot, Simon, call the fucking police!"_

_"The sun's going to rise in an hour. Someone will find her in the morning. She'll be fine."_

_Niall let out a short laugh, choking back a sob. "She needs medical attention now, Simon, give me the fucking phone,"_

_"Niall, listen to me. If we call the police, they'll show up. Take her to the hospital. You'll get arrested. They might sue you. We're going to be involved in a massive lawsuit in the middle of the tour, this could damage our ratings, affect our sales, t-"_

_"Are you fucking listening to yourself?" Niall yelled._

_"It's an hour, Niall. She'll be found in an hour. It won't even make a difference. Everyone wins. She'll be fine, you'll be fine, now-"_

_Niall shook his head, crying. "I can't. We can't leave her-"_

_"Get in the car, Niall." Simon said flatly._

_Niall shook his head again, tears running out of his eyes._

_Simon pulled on Niall's arm gently, pushing him into the passenger seat. Niall resisted weakly, but Simon slammed the door shut and got into the driver's seat._

_Niall stared at the girl on the ground until he couldn't anymore._

_"What took you guys so long?" Harry asked once Niall and Simon reached the hotel._

_"Niall had to throw up," Simon said._

_Niall didn't say anything, his bloodstained eyes focused on the ground._

_He couldn't sleep for weeks._

_"Simon?" he asked, a few weeks later, knocking on his door. "Did you ever find out what happened to that girl?"_

_Simon looked up from his computer. "She was a small girl from a small town, Niall. They probably fixed her up, and the underfunded police department probably did a small, shitty investigation and then closed it."_

_"So just because she was a 'small girl from a small town,' I'm just supposed to forget about it?" Niall asked indignantly._

_Simon nodded. "Precisely. Welcome to the real world, Niall. Most people don't matter."_

_Niall leaned against the door. "I used to be like that, Simon. A nobody from a small town in Ireland."_

_Simon got up. "Used to. Not anymore. And who do you have to thank for that?"_

_He pushed past Niall and stepped out of the room._

"You'll have to talk to me eventually." 

Louis basically ran to keep up after Harry, who was strutting down the hall towards the hotel lobby. 

Harry turned around abruptly, almost making Louis crash into him. "What the fuck do you want to talk about, hmm? Do you need more groomsmen for the wedding?"

Louis felt his chest tighten. 

It had been a week since he had proposed to Eleanor, and it was the last day of the American leg of the tour. 

Harry hadn't even looked at him for the entire week. 

Louis had convinced Eleanor to not publicly announce anything until the tour was over.

"You're being ridiculous." Louis insisted. 

Harry shoved Louis suddenly, making Louis stumble back. "No." Harry breathed. "You're the one being ridiculous. I spent basically my entire youth in love with you. And the rest of it I spent trying to get over you because you broke me. And you made me watch you propose to the girl who's been trying to take you away from me since day one."

The way Harry's voice shook, the way the pain cracked through each word. 

"Harry, please," Louis whispered. "I just want to talk." He moved closer, so close he could feel the heat of Harry's skin through his shirt. 

He placed his hand on Harry's arm, who withdrew it immediately. 

"Don't touch me," Harry warned. 

"Harry-"

"You started this," Harry seethed. "You kissed me, that night on the X factor. And all you did was run away from me since then."

"Please jus-"

"You could've found someone else to fucking experiment your homosexuality with."

"That's not what it was Harry, you know that. Don't-"

"Don't what? Don't fucking what? You could've married anyone but her, Louis. You can be with anyone, kiss anyone. And I can't even forget you! We were so in love that everyone fucking noticed and everyone knew the songs I was writing were about you and everywhere I look I'm reminded of how much I used to love you."

Louis swallowed. "What if I told you-"

"No," Harry said. "No what ifs. We're done, Louis. I have nothing left to say to you. I hope you get your happily ever after."

"Harry," Louis tried, yet again. 

Harry was trembling. "Remember what you told me in the hotel room? How you wanted to hurt me?"

"Harry-" Louis started. 

"You fucking won, Louis. Congratulations. You fucking won."

He walked away and Louis couldn't even bring himself to stop him. He was pathetic. 

He paused to collect himself for a moment, then joined everyone else in the lobby. 

"We're set to go to South America in two days," Simon explained as soon as Louis sat down. "In four days, we'll have our first South American show. And in a we-"

The door of the hotel lobby opened loudly, and two men in uniforms stormed inside.

A security guard ran up to Simon, panting heavily. "I tried to stop them, but they're saying they're from the FBI, I don't-"

"Good afternoon. I'm Carson Yang, FBI," he flipped his badge open, showing it to Simon. "I'm with the sheriff of the San Juan County police department. We're here to interrogate a select number of people in this room because they've all become people of interest in a case we've just received. It was handed over to the FBI after an anonymous tip that turned it into a very high profile case."

"San Juan County?" Niall repeated. 

"What kind of bullshit is this?" Simon asked him. "Do you even know who you're talking to?"

"Simon Philip Cowell. Niall James Horan. Harry Edward Styles. Liam James Payne. Zayn Javadd Malik. Louis William Tomlinson. We're going to need you all to come in for questioning."

Protesting and muttering immediately erupted throughout the room, and Simon scowled angrily. 

"You are talking to one of the most-"

"I know who I'm talking to," Carson said coolly. "I have a teenage daughter. Regardless, the law applies to everyone. Get the biggest, baddest lawyers out there and you are still under a legal obligation to come in for questioning."

"Can someone tell me what the fuck is going on?" Simon asked. "Questioning for what?"

Louis' eyes fell on Niall. He knew something. 

The FBI agent took a couple of steps back. 

"We're reopening the 2014 Elizabeth Torres hit and run case."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't been paying close attention so far, now's the time. Everything will start to come together.


	24. part 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm alive!
> 
> My college apps were due soon so I really apologize for the delay. Your support means so much! 
> 
> I hope you love this chapter! I know its super overdue ://
> 
> Love u all <333

"We've got it all under control, boys," Simon said, somewhat frantically.

For the past two days, all he did was make phone calls, scream at people, and almost have three mental breakdowns.

"What the fuck is going on, Simon?" Zayn demanded. "The fucking FBI showed up two days ago, they want to interrogate all of us, for some hit-and-run case they're not even giving us any details about,"

Simon huffed in annoyance, rubbing his eyes.

"Look, boys, they're just mistaken. We happened to be driving on the same highway this girl was on when she was hit, okay? It has nothing to do with us."

"Elizabeth Torres," Niall said.

"Excuse me?" Simon asked.

"Her name is Elizabeth Torres."

Simon almost rolled his eyes. "I pulled a few strings, and you will be performing in Colombia the day after tomorrow as planned. The FBI can't interrogate you if we're not in America."

"You know, for someone who's innocent, Simon, you're awfully panicked," Harry interjected.

"If we have nothing to hide, why don't we just answer their questions instead of literally running away to another country?" Liam agreed.

Simon clenched his teeth. "Because, Liam, you are on a world tour that is completely sold out. You have to perform in two days, because the fans-"

"Stop it," Niall snapped. "Stop pretending you're doing this for the fans. You're scared that if we postpone the tour the fans will get suspicious, and they might find out we're people of interest in a fucking FBI case and ruin your reputation,"

"My reputation," Simon sneered, walking closer to Niall. "Is your reputation. If I go down, you do too,"

"Maybe I don't care anymore," Niall said, shoving past Simon and storming out of the room.

Simon crumpled up the paper in his hand, throwing it to the floor furiously. "When you are in a position of power, boys, you can get away with things. You can make things go away. We are not going to take part in any investigation. The flight leaves tonight. We are not discussing this further."

He went after Niall, leaving the other four in the room.

"Something isn't right," Zayn said. "They're hiding something,"

"We're not hiding anything," Philip said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. He slammed his hands down, one on Zayn's shoulder and one on Louis', making them flinch. "Do you know the kind of scandals that get covered up in this industry? You should be happy this is a measly hit and run case. You have no idea what skeletons other people have in their closets."

Liam opened his mouth in protest, but Philip cut him off. 

"Your flight leaves early tomorrow. You boys should go to your rooms and get some rest, yeah?"

It wasn't a request. 

Harry got up first, grabbing his phone and jogging to the elevator. Louis was about to follow him but decided to check on Niall instead.

This seemed more important.

Zayn and Liam got up as well. "You coming, Lou?" Zayn asked him. 

Louis shook his head. "I'm gonna wait till Niall comes out. I want to make sure he's alright."

"Alright," Liam said, pushing Zayn towards the elevators as well.

Louis fell back into his chair with a huff, wondering what the fuck was going on. 

After around ten minutes of waiting, the sliding doors of the hotel opened, revealing a tall, lean man with curly black hair and light brown skin.

Louis furrowed his eyebrows as he watched him walk up to the receptionist. 

"Which room is Harry Styles in?" he heard him ask in a deep American accent.

The receptionist bit her lip. "I've been given specific instructions to not disclose that information unless it's to authorized personn-"

"I know him," he interjected quickly. "I can call him, if you-"

"Oi," Louis piped up, getting up and walking towards him. "How do you know Harry?"

The guy looked him up and down. "I was his trainer, about six months ago. When he lived in New York."

"Why did he call you?" Louis asked, praying it wasn't what he was thinking. 

"Um," the guy started. "He wanted to hang? We know each other pretty well. You're Louis Tomlinson, aren't you?"

"I am," Louis said. "Why, did he talk about me?"

"Uh, no he didn't." The guy said awkwardly. 

"How'd you know me then?" Louis pressed. He knew he was being unnecessarily difficult, but he couldn't help it. 

"You're not exactly a nobody," the guy deadpanned. 

Louis' face flushed red. "Right, I-" he swallowed. "I can take you to his room."

The guy grinned. "Cool, thanks, man."

Louis swallowed the massive lump in his throat and lead him up the elevator and down the hall to Harry's room. 

The closer he got to the door, the quicker his pulse got. 

The guy extended his hand to the door, but Louis grabbed his arm quickly. 

He stared at Louis in confusion. "You alright?" he asked quizzically. 

Louis licked his lips. Before he could say anything, the door banged open. 

"Dean," Harry said. He turned to Louis. "Louis."

Dean shoved his hands in his pockets. "I got your call. Uh, long time no see,"

Harry stepped to the side, motioning for Dean to come in, so he did. Louis stood by the door, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

"Um, you go inside, I'll catch up with you later," Harry said, watching Dean disappear inside the room. 

"He's not your type," Louis blurted. 

Harry scoffed. "Yeah? And what is my type? Closeted white guys? Look how that worked out."

Louis tried to step closer, but Harry put a hand on his chest. "I'm not closeted," Louis said harshly. "I'm not. You're the only guy I have ever laid a hand on, you're the only guy I've ever let touch me, I-"

"So?" Harry asked roughly. "I'm comfortable with myself now, Louis. I don't like guys, I don't like girls, I like people. I see the person before I see their gender. I paint my nails. I wear dresses. I finally feel like a man, I feel like myself, I'm trying to put myself together and trying to fix what you broke, so you don't get to stand in front of my door guilting me after putting a ring on Eleanor."

Louis groaned, exasperated. "I can't see you with another guy, okay? It was hard enough seeing you with other girls."

"Are you fucking serious right now?" Harry yelled. "You made me watch you propose to Eleanor!"

"I made a-"

"Leave." Harry whispered. 

Louis tightened his jaw. "I'm trying to talk to you. We both hurt each other, Harry, I-"

Dean appeared from behind Harry, his eyes flickering between Harry and Louis. "Everything okay, Haz?"

 _Don't call him that_. Louis stopped himself before it could escape his mouth. 

"Louis was just leaving," Harry said, slamming the door shut. 

Shuddering, Louis leaned against the door. He knew he shouldn't but he had to figure out what this guy meant to Harry. 

"Are you okay?" he heard Dean ask Harry. 

"Something happened. Something... legal. It's messing me up. Louis was just talking to me about that."

"He's pretty protective of you," Louis heard Dean say. "And I've heard about the conspiracy theories."

He heard Harry laugh, that deep laugh that he hadn't heard from Harry in years. 

Only Louis was allowed to make Harry laugh like that. 

"Does he look like my type?" Harry asked. 

"Everyone's your type. Your everyone's type. I was straight as fuck before I got assigned to be your trainer."

He heard Harry laugh again, so Louis leaned away from the door. 

He was a person of interest in an FBI case. 

The feds were basically after them, and Simon was forcing them to essentially flee the country. 

There were dozens of dangerous, illegal things happening, but at that moment, all Louis could think about was that a man other than him was making Harry laugh. 

"You look worse than I do," Niall commented. 

Louis shoved his clothes into his suitcase, trying to find anything to distract himself. 

Niall sat up. "You're not going to ask me what I know about this case? You're not going to ask who she is, why we're running away, why-"

"Harry sees other men," Louis said, sitting down on the edge of the bed and throwing his last shirt inside. "He sees other men, and a part of me knew he did, but seeing it myself, seeing that guy go inside his room-"

"We shouldn't run away," Niall sighed. "We can't run away. We have to stay, we have to postpone the tour, we have to do something."

"I shouldn't have run away. All those years ago. What he did to me... what he did to me was unforgivable and I couldn't stay but a part of me thinks I shouldn't have left."

"I have to tell Simon I'm staying. I'm not going on the tour. I'm staying right here, and I'm going to tell the whole truth." Niall said, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans

"Do you ever want to go back, back to when we were stupid teenagers that somehow became famous?"

Niall stopped at the door, turning around. 

"All the time," he said, before closing it behind him. 

"Simon?" The door slammed open and slammed back shut. 

"David, I-"

"Tell me why the fuck I've been flown to America to give a fucking statement on a goddamn hit and run case? From 2014?" He slammed his hands against Simon's shoulders. "What the fuck did you do? How the fuck did they find out?"

Simon rubbed his temples. "It's going to be under control soon, David, I'm handling it, just-"

"Handling it? Like you handled everything else?"

"Just listen," Simon tried, but David interrupted him. 

"No!" he said, raising his voice. "I was done with this mess. I was done with all of this bullshit, you got me into too much fucking trouble. I left your management, I left your PR company, I left One Direction behind after that fucking stunt you pulled in 2015. I was done. One Direction was done, and now you've-"

"It was Niall's idea, okay?" Simon interjected angrily. "Getting them back togeth-"

"The hell it was," David sneered. "The fucking hell it was. What the fuck have you done, Simon?"

"Oh, stop acting like you didn't want this. The revenue, the money those five boys get to us. You still have a share in the P.R company. You're still getting paid like crazy."

"I'm asking you again, Simon," David said. "What have you done?"

"Go home, David. Get on the next flight home, don't let them interrogate you, just get the fuck home, I'm being serious. You'll make this worse."

"No, I'm telling the feds the truth, whatever the fuck they want, I'm giving it to them."

Simon laughed darkly. "Oh, get off your fucking high horse. You only care about yourself, David. Everything I did back then, you were an accomplice. If I fall, you go down with me, is that fucking understood? Now listen the fuck up, if you don't want to rot in jail for a long time."

There was a long silence. At last, David spoke. "Fine. What the hell do you want?"

"The FBI wants your phone. You have the same iCloud, so all of the calls you made in 2014 are backed up on it. Whatever the fuck you do, do not give them that phone. For multiple fucking reasons, do NOT give them that phone." Simon insisted. 

David paled. "What's on that phone?"

"I was on the phone with you that night. They're going to pull up the time the crash happened, find it in your records. They'll find the recording."

David went completely white. "The crash- they're going to hear it. The timelines will match up, you and Niall will get arrested-"

Simon wiped the sweat off his upper lip. "That's not all. Niall was so traumatized after the crash that he didn't remember what we were saying. And I had my ways of silencing him even if he did remember, otherwise I would've never said that shit in front of him."

"Remember what, Simon?" David asked. "What else is on that recording?

"What was I thinking? Saying that stuff, right in front of Niall, and now-"

"Simon," David said, his voice dangerously low. "What else is on that recording?"

Simon opened his phone and started playing his copy of the recording. 

_Look, I'm regretting it too. But I told Louis he could be with Harry. So we just have to come up with something that'll make him want to leave Harry. It had to be by his own choice. We have to frame Harry in some way._

_I'm thinking we give it a year. They can't do too much damage in a year. Once it's 2015, we can figure something out_

David ran his hand over his face. "Shit."

"If the feds get this, they might play it in front of the boys. Not only will we get be found guilty of the hit and run, Louis-"

"He'll find out that we set Harry up. He'll find out that Harry never did anything wrong."

David sighed shakily. 

"He'll find out that he left Harry for nothing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how it was! I LOVE YOUU :'))


	25. part 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know. it's been so long. and i am so sorry. i have been dealing with mental health issues and i needed a break from writing but i am back. i hope i get back on my regular schedule. thank u for those of u who kept checking in. and thank u for the support. love u all. <3

"Hurry up, Louis," Simon demanded from the other end. 

"I'll be there on time, Simon," Louis said, rolling his eyes. He declined the call before Simon could answer.

Their flight left in two hours. Louis paid for Brianna to come with Freddie and fly to New York so he could see his son before he left the country. 

The elevator opened and he reached the suite where the mother and son were staying. 

He knocked on the door and it swung open after a few seconds, revealing Brianna. Her long hair was in a ponytail and she was hopping on one foot, trying to get her shoes on. 

"Freddie's inside the other room. You have half an hour. I'm going downstairs to the spa so once I get back you can leave, alright? And I'll have the spa bill you,"

Louis nodded. "Yeah, okay, I-"

She moved past him, patting his back, and walked towards the elevator. Louis sighed and closed the door. 

"Freddie?" he asked, moving inside the room. "Daddy's here to see you."

He finally found him. The small boy was sitting on the massive bed, his arms crossed and his eyes aimed at his feet. 

"Baby," Louis said, setting his phone down and sitting next to him. He reached for a hug but Freddie dodged it, scooching away to the edge of the bed. 

Louis frowned. "Is something the matter, Freddie?"

"Go away," Freddie said softly. He crossed his arms over his chest tighter. 

Louis was appalled. Freddie had never acted this way. He was always so excited to see his father. 

"Freddie what-"

"Go away!" Freddie yelled. "You're mean, Daddy! You don't love me!"

Louis was shocked at his sudden outburst. "Baby," Louis said, dropping to his knees, standing in front of his son. "Of course I love you. I love you more than anything. Why would you say that?" 

"You're marrying her. You're marrying Eleanor." Freddie's eyes pooled with tears. 

Louis' stomach constricted. He wanted to tell Freddie he wasn't, that it was all a mistake and that he would be doing no such thing. But he couldn't. 

"Freddie, I've been with her for years, we-"

"She hates me. She hates me, Daddy. And if you marry her that means you hate me too."

Louis struggled to find words. "She doesn't hate you, Freddie. She's going to be your second mommy, she's-"

"I don't want her to be my mommy." 

Louis inhaled deeply, moving closer to his son and gripping his shoulders softly. "Who do you want, then, baby? Who do you want?"

"Who do you want, Daddy?"

Louis let go of his shoulders. "What?" 

"Who do you want, Daddy?" Freddie asked again. 

Well, that was easy. He wanted green eyes, and curly brown hair, and dimpled smiles and broad chests, and painted nails and matching tattoos and silver rings. 

He just didn't want to believe that. He wanted to believe he hated those things. 

"I-I want Eleanor," Louis stammered. "What do you mean, Freddie?"

"You don't like her. You fight. You don't hug her. Why do you want her to be my second mommy?"

Louis got to his feet. "Freddie- I- you're too young to understand, okay? You're four years old. You just have to know that Daddy loves you. He loves you so much. And I promise you that Eleanor will be nice to you, okay?"

Freddie looked uncertain, but he nodded slowly, allowing Louis to wrap his arms around him and hug him. 

"Is Harry here?" Freddie asked. 

Louis pulled away immediately. "No. He's not. He never will be, okay, Freddie?"

Freddie looked puzzled. "Why?"

"Get Harry out of your head," Louis said. "He's not here, he won't ever be here, he doesn't-"

Who do you want, Daddy?

And suddenly Louis couldn't stop himself from crying, and suddenly he knew who he wanted for himself, he knew who he wanted for Freddie, and he knew that it wasn't Eleanor. 

Freddie looked alarmed, wiping the tears of Louis's face with his small hands. "What happened, Daddy?" he asked. "Why are you crying?"

Louis gathered himself quickly, taking a deep breath. "Nothing. Nothing's the matter, okay? Your mother will be back soon, and Daddy has to go on an airplane. But I will see you soon, okay baby?"

"I didn't know grown-ups cried," Freddie said. 

If only Freddie knew.

_September 2014_

_"You have mail, Simon," David said, knocking on the door of his office._

_"I always have mail," Simon snapped. "I'm also in the middle of something."_

_"You're going to want to see this," David said, closing the door and locking it. Simon furrowed his eyebrows, putting aside his laptop._

_"What?" he asked._

_"It's from the United States. From a fangirl."_

_Simon rolled his eyes. "We get thousands of mail from the United States every day, David, what-"_

_"Read it, Simon."_

_The handwriting on the already opened envelope looked like one of a teenage girl's. It had Simon's name, along with Syco Music written on the front. He pulled the letter out and started to read._

_For your sake, Simon, I hope this letter ends up in your hands. Or in the hands of someone you trust._

_~~My name is Elizabeth Torres. I have spent the last 8 months at San Juan County Hospital. On the night of January 10th, 2014, my car broke down on the highway and I was hitchhiking on the side of the road. There were almost no cars on the road, but then I saw yours. And when I looked more closely I realized who you were._

_I have been a fan of One Direction since I was 14 years old. I'm now 17. I was shocked._

_And that's when your car went off the road. It happened so fast and the next thing I knew I woke up in September, after an 8-month coma._

_The police told me that if I had been sent to the hospital a couple of hours sooner, I would have been saved from the coma. They told me they had found me in the morning._

_I decided not to press charges and not to tell the police anything, for now. I am the only one who knows what you did._

_You and Niall left me to die. I won't turn this video in, not yet._

_I want to talk. I want you to pay for a flight to wherever you are, and we can talk then._

_See you soon.~~_

_"Fuck!" Simon slammed his fists down on his desk, breathing heavily. "Fuck!"_

_"Calm down," David said calmly. "I know celebrities who have gotten out of much worse situations."_

_"If she fucking talks-"_

_"She won't. She has no evidence, just her word. Bring her here. Give her some money, in cash. And send her on her way."_

_Simon wiped a hand over his face, shaking slightly. "Okay. Okay. Have a ticket sent to her for this weekend."_

_David nodded and left the room._

"Can you walk alright, Harry?" Liam asked as they reached the JFK airport. 

Harry looked at him strangely as they got out of the van, the security detail's car pulling up not long after. 

"I can walk fine, why?"

"Saw your boyfriend leaving your room a while ago, I was just wondering."

Harry's face turned a deep red, and Liam guffawed heavily as their luggage began getting unloaded. 

Niall, who normally would've laughed, stared at the floor. Louis wanted to ask him what was wrong but Simon was not too far away. 

Zayn cracked a small smile but looked at Louis tentatively, and Louis ignored it. He could barely look at Harry anymore. 

"He's not my boyfriend," Harry muttered as they began walking to the terminal.

Louis couldn't deal with this. Not after what happened with Freddie.

"Mr. Tomlinson," Philip said coolly, approaching the five of them. Liam and Zayn immediately did an eye roll.

"Hi, Philip," Louis said dryly. 

"Congratulations on your engagement. Ms. Calder is a very beautiful woman. You're a very lucky man."

The somewhat light atmosphere immediately evaporated. Louis didn't dare to look in Harry's direction. 

"Thank you," Louis said, his voice strained. 

"Did you two set a date yet?" Philip asked. 

Zayn made an audible noise at that, clearing his throat uncomfortably. 

"No," Louis deadpanned, his gaze fixed on the ground. 

"Alright. Let us know when you do. I need the five of you to follow me to the jet. It'll be a few hours before we re-"

"No," Niall said. 

Philip narrowed his eyes and Simon stopped what he was doing abruptly. 

"We're not leaving," Niall said. "We're not running. Not again."

"Shut up, Niall," Simon said angrily, moving towards him and grabbing his arm roughly. "Let's go."

Niall pulled his arm back. "No!"

"Simon, what the fuck is going on?" Liam asked. "Seriously, what the fuck is happening?"

"I told you guys not to ask questions, didn't I?" Simon spat. 

Zayn looked like he was going to say something, but suddenly got a glazed look on his face. 

"If you're not guilty, Simon, just tell us what's happening. Why we're all suspects. Anything!" Liam insisted. "Niall, come on! What's wrong?"

Louis glanced towards Zayn, but noticed him shaking. He was much paler than usual and saw sweat glimmering on his lip. 

Louis knew that all too well. He was getting a panic attack. 

Niall opened his mouth but Simon spoke first. "Nothing happened, alright? I don't even know who this girl is, and quite frankly, I'm getting fucking sick and tired of repeating myself. We don't have time for a fucking interrogation. That's it. I want to avoid any scandals and I want you to give your fans the performance they asked for."

Niall let out a shaky breath. "Simon-"

Suddenly Zayn collapsed, and Louis lunged over to him just in time before he hit the ground. 

"Shit," Simon muttered. "Shit, shit, shit."

"Zayn!" Liam screamed, completely forgetting about Simon and lunging towards Zayn, snatching him out of Louis' arms. 

Zayn panted heavily, his eyes fluttering. "I'm f-fine, I'm-"

"We need to take him to a hospital," Liam said. "He needs help, Louis, call 911,"

Louis took his phone out of his pocket, his hands quivering. Too much was happening, all at once. 

He began dialing when Simon smacked the phone out of his hand, making it clatter against the pavement. 

"Don't call anyone. We need to leave, now." he ordered. 

"Simon, are you fucking out of it?" Liam bellowed. "He's unconscious, he's-"

"We need to leave the country, and we need to leave it now. Do you understand?" Simon thundered. 

"No. No, I don't fucking understand. I don't give a shit about scandals. I don't give a shit about what people think about us. I don't give a shit about the FBI. Zayn needs medical attention, and he's getting it."

"We're not staying here. Get him on the plane, give him some water. He'll be fine." Simon ordered.

"No, I-"

"It's fine," Zayn let out, panting. "I'm fine. Let's go."

Liam faltered. "Zayn, what-"

"Let's go," Zayn said, trying to stand, but failing. He tried again and finally stood up, his legs wobbly. "Let's get on the plane." Liam stared at him, bewildered. "Come on, Liam!"

Louis' head spun. Why was Zayn suddenly so insistent on leaving?

Liam got up slowly, still visibly taken aback, but followed Zayn to the private jet. 

Simon huffed in satisfaction. 

Philip grabbed the back of Niall's collar and shoved him to get him walking. 

"When I say something, you boys listen, do you understand me?" Simon yelled as they approached the jet. "You'd be nothing without me. All this money, this fame, your awards and women and big houses? I gave them to you. Never forget that."

Louis didn't want to leave. He knew almost everyone felt the same way, but Simon was right. They couldn't do anything against him. 

They were powerless. 

They all got in and Louis watched the luggage getting loaded. Harry sat down in the row in front of him, and Louis saw Simon making Niall sit next to him. 

Something was off. Louis decided to try one last time. 

"Simon, what happened with that girl?" Louis asked. "Just tell us the truth, please, Simon."

Simon rolled his eyes. "Nothing happened. We had nothing to do with her disappearance, okay?"

The plane began to take off, speeding down the runway. 

"They never said she disappeared." Harry said quietly.

"What?" Simon snapped.

"The girl. Elizabeth Torres. They said it was a hit and run case." Harry clarified.

"They never said she disappeared."


End file.
